Over Her Head
by Happy2BeDee
Summary: When the prospect of something new, but forbidden is presented, will Amanda listen to her head or her heart? Rated M for content. Original character pairing.
1. Falling

**TRYING SOMETHING A BIT DIFFERENT HERE, SO BEAR WITH ME. AS YOU'LL NOTICE, THE LEAD FEMALE IS UNNAMED; THAT WAS DONE ON PURPOSE. THE LEAD GUY IS AN OC. THIS IS OF COURSE AND SVU STORY SO DICK WOLF OWNS WHATEVER CHARACTERS I MAY USE. ENJOY! OH, AND TO JOCELYN: A LITTLE BELIEF GOES A LONG WAY, AND YOUR BEILIEF IN ME GOES BEYOND ANY WORDS THAT I COULD SAY; THANK YOU FOR GIVING IT TO ME!**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

Some friends of mine were hosting a fund raising Gala for some environmental cause at The Four Seasons that they'd insisted I attend. Later in the evening, after a few drinks, I wasn't paying attention while walking to the ladies room after a dance, and in the hall my foot got caught in the hem of the impossibly extravagant gown I was wearing and I tripped – right into his arms!

"I am so sorry!" I told him while trying to regain my composure.

"It's quite alright." He smiled." Are you ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine…" He had the brightest, bluest eyes I'd ever seen! And not a typical blue, more like the deep, clear blue from a tropical ocean. "Thank you for catching me!"

"You're very welcome." He was staring into my eyes and after a quick silent moment, I noticed that we were still semi-embraced. I quickly pulled away. He gave a chuckle.

"Well thanks again." I smiled uncomfortably. I felt a bit uneasy with the way he was looking at me and wanted to get away from him. Hell, for all I knew, he could be a killer!

"I'm Thomas, by the way!" He extended his hand, his eyes still fixated on me.

"Hi." I said before quickly shaking his hand. "Please excuse me." Why did I just say hello to the killer?! I got a few feet down the hall and for some reason I turned to look back, he was watching me walk away! Was he checking me out? I gave a slight wave, and hurried off to the ladies room.

That was my first encounter with Mega-Man, though at the time, I didn't know that he _was_ a Mega-Man; I didn't know anything about him but that soon changed. Over the next few months, I was afforded the opportunity to run into him several times at social functions. After our third run-in, we were formally introduced.– It turned out that Thomas had come from a very wealthy family and was now an incredibly wealthy man himself. He was used to getting whatever he wanted and I was now the object of his desire.

I have to admit that although I tried to disguise it, I was pretty impressed with how hard he wooed me. It started with invitations to dinner and before long he was sending gifts of designer clothes and expensive jewels – all of which I sent back of course. I had spotted his wedding ring the night he caught me in the hall and from the day he began pursuing me, I'd made it clear to him that because of that ring, he was off limits to me but he persisted. After 4 months I finally agreed to have dinner with him – a strictly platonic dinner. I was working a joint case with Miami PD that spring and magically he appeared in my hotel lobby one evening, flowers in arm; I couldn't resist.

"Thomas?"

"How is it that you're more beautiful every time I see you?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to bring you these." He said as he presented the flowers; a beautiful bouquet of exotic tulips.

"They're beautiful."

"They pale in comparison." I smiled. Our gazes were locked for a moment.

"So, you flew all the way from New York to bring me flowers?"

"I'd fly around the world to see that smile." My smile grew broader before I wiped it from my face. "Have dinner with me."

"Thomas – "

"please!"

"Your wife – "

"Is a non-factor tonight." I raised an eyebrow. "Look, it's just dinner, one night, dinner and I promise to leave you alone if that's what you want."

"Will you really?"

"Yes. Alone in Miami." I couldn't help but laugh and that made him smile. "Is that a yes?"

"Fine. Dinner, but that's it!" I knew that agreeing to this was a huge mistake. The truth was, I was already quite intrigued by Thomas but as hard as I tried to fight it, the attraction had grown since that day we met and it was getting stronger every day.

We walked to a beautiful restaurant that was minutes from my hotel. That night we talked for what seemed like hours and in that one night, I learned everything about him but it was over desert that he revealed this to me:

"In case you're wondering, I've never done this before."

"Had dinner?" I joked. He laughed, quite amused.

"Been attracted to someone outside of my marriage."

"So why now?" I wondered aloud.

"I don't know. That night when you fell into my arms – I feel as if I was meant to be there at that exact moment to catch you. And when I saw your face; I think I lost my heart to you right there. I need to explore us."

"There is no us. You're married!" I softly reminded him.

"There's been no love in my marriage for a very long time. I know it and she knows it."

"Then why are you both still there?"

"Obligation I guess." I laughed sarcastically.

"Really? That old excuse?"

"There is no excuse. I'm just telling you what's true."

"Oh yeah? Tell me, what I else would I find in your basket of… truth?"

"I don't know, depends on how deep you're willing to go." He said looking at me with and intense gaze that made me ache in places I shouldn't.

"Thank you for dinner but I think it's time we go. I have an early day tomorrow." Was what I said, but what I meant was: _please bend me over right here and fuck me like nothing else matters! _But I digress.

It started to rain while we walked back to the hotel and we ducked under a palm tree for cover – I know, not the greatest idea but while we were standing there under that tree, him gazing into my eyes as if trying to see into my soul. His hand caressed my face tenderly.

"You are so damned beautiful!" and then, without another word, he pulled me to him and kissed me with the passion of a thousand kisses and for that moment I was oblivious to everything else except that kiss; it consumed me! That kiss was steamy and beautiful and perfect – and I regretted it the moment it was over, but at the same time, I wanted more. I knew right there that falling for Thomas was a big mistake, I knew that I should have run away, respected his marriage, stayed true to what I thought were my values but I let myself fall; right there, in his arms I let myself fall. Into that kiss, into his life!

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**What do you think? The reason I left the lead character unnamed is because I want you guys to do it. should it be Alex, Casey, Amanda, or Olivia? (as if I even have to ask) and should I continue? I had no real plans for this story so if you guys want more, you gotta be vocal about it. Thanks for reading.**


	2. Point of no return

**HONESTY TIME. I FORGOT THIS STORY EVEN EXISTED BUT HERE WE ARE AND I WON'T FORGET IT AGAIN. SO I ASKED YOU GUYS TO VOTE FOR WHO THE LEAD WOULD GO TO AND SURPRISINGLY, ROLLINS WAS CHOSEN, SO HERE IT IS. PART TWO. I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT AND YOU MIGHT WANNA REREAD PART ONE TO REFRESH YOURSELVES. (don't worry, it's short) THAT BEING SAID, DICK WOLF OWNS THE SVU CHARACTERS AND THE OTHERS ARE MINE. ENJOY!**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

I felt so guilty about that kiss. I had broken a personal rule and I hated myself for it! In the months that followed, I did everything I could to stay away from Thomas, but it was of no use. He had decided that I was what he wanted and he was relentless in pursuing me; the gifts kept coming and soon I found it hard to refuse them as easily as I used to; the invitations to private dinners that I never meant to accept but somehow always did. The phone calls that would last sometimes til 2am where we talked about nothing but everything at the same time in spite of the fact that my phone would ring and when I would see that it was him, I would have every intention of not answering it but I couldn't do it. When I'd pick up and hear his voice on the other end, it was like a fix for me. More and more Thomas was getting a grip on my heart and it scared me.

I wanted to stay away; Liv told me I should have, she was the only one who knew about us and she didn't like it at all. She liked Thomas even less, she felt that he was just stringing me along and that it would only end up with me getting hurt.

"They never leave their wives…ever!"

"Liv it's not like that"

"Rollins, you're an adult so I can't tell you how to live your life but if I were you, I'd run as far away from that man as I possibly could!"

I knew that I should have, but I didn't and no matter how much I kept telling myself that I was wrong for it; nothing could stop what was happening; If I'd had an ounce of sense, I would have listened but instead, like I always do, I made a bad choice. My heart was going full speed and it was because of my heart that I eventually ignored my head and got in way deeper that I ever meant to!

Thomas' driver showed up at my door early one Saturday morning, asking that I come with him and that I bring nothing but my passport – per Mr. Kirkland's request. I had the next three days off from work and even though I knew right then and there that it would be stupid to entertain this, I did it anyway. I grabbed a shower, dressed and grabbed my passport and purse and I was out the door going off to God-knows-where but I didn't care. I just needed to be with him and if I had to cross a continent to do it then so be it!

I ended up in Paris; mind you, I'm a southern girl who had never even been out of Georgia before I came to New York to work with SVU; yet here I was, in one of the most famous and beautiful cities in the world, greeted by a Limo that took me to some ultra-fancy hotel called Le Meurice where I was escorted to the Presidential Apartment. The Concierge gave me the grand tour and when he opened the double doors to the master suite I was speechless! The exquisitely decorated bedroom was filled with boxes and garment bags from the most upscale boutiques in all of Paris – I felt like I had just stepped into a fairytale!

I was instructed to dress for dinner and told that Thomas would be arriving soon. I hurried to prepare myself, but since we'd only be having dinner here in the suite, I didn't feel the need to be too formal and chose a simple black cocktail dress, strapless with simple black heels and pulled my hair up in a bun. When he arrived around 8, he just stood looking at me for a long, awkward moment…

"I have never seen anything as beautiful as you!"

"Stop" I blushed

"I mean it." he said as he stepped closer to me and caressed my face. God, his touch made the hairs on the back of my n eck stand up and when he pulled me in for close and slowly leaned in to kiss me, I knew that it was a done deal. All the months I'd spent telling myself that I couldn't let this happen had just gone right out the window! I surrendered my heart in that kiss and in surrendering my heart, I surrendered my body as well and let him take me to his bed – before I could stop it, he was carrying me to the bedroom and then lay me down on a bed of silk.

I should have stopped him when he climbed on top of me but I wanted him so much in that moment. The heat between us was electrifying and I needed to have him; my body tingled with every touch! We literally tore each others' clothes from our bodies, our lovemaking was frantic, almost desperate – it was as if we were trying to meld our bodies into one and I wouldn't have had it any other way. He made love to me with such incredible passion and if I hadn't been sure how I felt about Thomas before, I knew now; every fiber of me knew that I completely loved him and that from this moment I was his. As I clung to him I cried over and over "I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!" that night I threw every single inhibition I had out the window; I would do anything for Thomas and now he knew it!

* * *

><p>.<p>

**To be continued… meantime, drop a review. You don't have to sign in and I love hearing from you guys. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Too Good?

**HI, HI. NOW THAT TANGLED WEBS ID FINISHED, I CAN DEDICATE MORE TIME TO UPDATING THIS FASTER. THIS ONE ISN'T VERY LONG SINCE I'VE DECIDED TO KEEP THE CHAPTERS FOR THIS STORY SHORTER THAN WHAT I USUALLY DO IN MY OTHER FICS. SO, WE PICK UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF IN PARIS AND THERE'S NOT MUCH ELSE TO SAY. DICK WOLF OWNS THE CHARCTERS THAT BELONG TO SVU BUT ALL OTHERS ARE MINE. ENJOY!**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**Paris, the morning after…**

Be a cop long enough and you learn to feel your environment. That's exactly what was happening while I slept; I felt as if I was being watched and when I opened my eyes to find Thomas sitting in a chair beside the bed, his gaze intense but downplayed by the smile on his lips, I knew why.

"Good morning, Sunshine" he said as he leaned in to kiss me and the unease I felt immediately began to wane.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked

"I slept beautifully, this bed is like a cloud!" I smiled as I sat up, pulling at the sheet to cover my nakedness.

"Hungry?"

"After last night, starving!"

"Good, breakfast should be here any minute."

"That means I have time for a shower" I said as I hopped out of bed and headed to the bathroom.

...

Later as we sat having breakfast out on the huge balcony, in our bathrobes, my mind began to wander as my common sense slowly came back to me; what the hell was I even doing here? I hopped a plane, destination unknown all because he gave the word! Whatever it is, this…thing we have, it's still relatively new and I'm already losing myself in it. Yes, any woman would consider herself lucky to be in a city like this, with a man like Thomas, surrounded by so much finery yet I can't help but feel that I've done something so wrong. The man has a wife! What am I even…

"Amanda!"

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked, suddenly jarred from my thoughts.

"Where did you go just now?" he asked, sipping his coffee from the elegant porcelain cup in his hand.

"Back to my senses; Thomas us being here like this, it's not right"

"Of course it's right. I wouldn't be here otherwise."

"What we did last night…we shouldn't have let it happen."

"Are you having regrets?" he asked

"Regrets now, reservations before we did it…"

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Why didn't you ask?"

"I just assumed you'd let me in on something like that"

"Oh, I let you in alright..." I said sarcastically

"Amanda, I'm being serious" he chided

"Would it have mattered? Regardless of my reservations, I wanted what happened as much as you did, but it was wrong of us to want it."

"Says who?"

"Says the ring on your finger that tells me you don't belong to me"

"If only you knew how wrong you were" He said as he got up and stood looking down at me

"Tell me anything a million miles away from you wife" before I could go further, he leaned in and his lips were suddenly on mine in a smoldering kiss, one that I readily gave in to as he ran his hand up my thigh; after, he looked me square in the eye

"Don't ever doubt me!" he said, leaving no room for misinterpretation or argument, then took my mouth again; untying my robe as we kissed and letting it fall open. I gave no concern to the fact that I was on a balcony with my nakedness exposed as he kissed his way down my body, giving extra attention to my breasts, sucking and biting my nipples generously before making his way to my mound. He spread my legs wide and kissed me there again and again before I felt his mouth on my clit and I lost all will to protest.

...

Later we lay in bed together after having made love all morning…

"I wish we could stay here like this forever" I told him as my head lay on his chest, sounding childlike in wanting happily ever after.

"Good" he said then kissed my lips "Because you're mine"

"Am I?" I smiled.

"I mean it Amanda." He said seriously. "Promise me right now that there won't be anyone else; just the thought of another man touching you this way – any way… I wouldn't handle it well"

I looked up at him, surprised by his confession and eagerly, stupidly offered up my own.

"You; god help me, are the only man I want! Body, soul and mind, I want you and I'm yours!"

"I love you" he replied simply

"Don't say that if you don't mean it, my heart can't take it." I begged, he quickly moved and put me on my back, climbing on top of me.

"I thought I made it clear that you are never to doubt me

"Can you blame me?"

"I guess I'll just have to prove myself" he said and pushed himself inside me with one hard thrust, causing me to gasp at the intrusion and moan his name.

"You're mine Amanda, and I'm never letting you get away from me!"

Little did I know that that wonderful weekend in Paris would be the start of a disaster.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**I find it so amusing that the general opinion seems to be that Thomas is some kind of psycho bad guy. Not sure why everyone has the same idea about him, but it's interesting nonetheless. So where exactly does this road lead Amanda? I am anxious to find out; well, I already know but I can't wait for you all to find out. See y'all next chapter!**


	4. Educating Amanda

**BACK WITH EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE ASSUMED PSYCHOPATH. NO SENSE IN WASTING TIME, LET'S GET STRAIGHT TO THE STORY. DICK WOLF OWNS THE SVU CHARACTERS, ENJOY!**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

Monday morning, back to work and absolutely glowing from my weekend in Paris! I sat at my desk daydreaming of Thomas and all the incredible sex we had. He's such a skilled lover, I can almost…

"So…how was Paris" Olivia asked as she looked down at me.

"It was…Paris"

"That's it?" she asked as she sat down on the edge of my desk, what about the city what did you do?"

'Um, I didn't really get to see much of the city…busy"

"Really? With what?" She asked, smirking.

"With… I… Stuff" I stammered; she shook her head as she got up.

...

It would be a whole week before I'd hear from Thomas again but I understood and I didn't complain.

The following Monday at work it was pretty much the same scenario, Liv and I discussing Thomas and me defending my choice to be with him.

"And you don't think it odd that you haven't gotten so much as a phone call in an entire week?"

"I mean, he's busy; you know how it goes. His time is really important"

"And yours isn't?" she asked

"Liv…"

"I'm just looking out for you."

"And I appreciate it but you don't need to; Thomas isn't like that, he loves me" just then, Nick and Fin entered the squad room and she looked over at them.

"Don't say I didn't warn you." she said, patting my shoulder as she walked away to her office. I was about to pick up my phone when a delivery guy came through, carrying a huge arrangement of exotic tropical flowers.

"Delivery for Amanda Rollins" he called

"That's me" I answered. The man quickly made his way to my desk and set the flowers down before having me sign for them.

"Tip's already taken care of, have a nice day!" he said and smiled before walking away and leaving the squad room.

"Flowers huh? You seein somebody?" Nick asked from where he sat at his desk.

"Need to know, Nick. Need to know…" I teased as I took the card from the flowers and opened it.

_Tonight,_

_Car at seven; the red dress… no bra, no panties!_

_T._

That message hit me right between the legs and I wanted so bad to call him to hear his voice but I understood the rules and resisted. Instead, I got up from my desk, sure to take the card with me to protect from prying eyes, and went to Liv's office. The door was open but still, I knocked before entering just as Olivia finished a call and looked up at me while she reset the receiver on its cradle.

"Um, I was wondering if I could leave a little early today?" I asked as I walked in and shut the door.

"Sure. How early?" she asked

"Uhhh…five?"

"That's fine" she smiled and went back to reading the documents on her desk.

"Thanks" I said and turned to leave then stopped and turned back around. "You're not gonna ask why?" I was a bit unnerved by her suddenly nonchalant attitude.

"Nope" she said without looking up from the paperwork in front of her. I shrugged my shoulders and again, turned to leave but found myself turning around once more.

"Why not?" I had to clue why her indifference was nagging me.

"Because, I've decided in the three minutes since I left your desk that this will from now on be a Killer-free workplace"

'Killer' was the name she'd given Thomas after I told her how during our first encounter I'd mused to myself that he could be one.

"You have huh?"

"Yep"

"So you won't comment about the flowers he just sent me?"

"I will not."

"I'll believe this when I see it" I quipped and one again, turned to leave

"Feeling guilty about something, detective?" she asked, grinning when I turned around to look at her and I couldn't help but laugh.

"You're impossible, you know that?" and she was, but so help me, I couldn't imagine a better friend anywhere in this world! "Are you gonna be like this one day when Aria or Sophia have a man in their life? "

"Won't have to; they'll be smarter than mom and Aunt Amanda and know better than to get involved with married men."

"But that married man gave you those beautiful daughters so it wasn't all bad"

"And yet he still didn't leave his wife!" she sighed and shook her head "if I knew then what I know now…"

"You wouldn't change a thing because those babies are your entire world!" Olivia smiled and looked over at one of the framed pictures of her 8 year old twin daughters on her desk. Those girls were the spitting image of her, the only difference being that their dark hair and bronze skin was set off by big blue eyes instead of brown.

"He's an incredible father to them so I can't complain; even _she_ turned out to be a great Stepmom after the dust settled. Anyway, enough chitchat at work, you and Nick need to get over to Barba, he has some things that he needs to go over before you both testify tomorrow."

"Yes ma'am!" I said and headed for the door. "We still on for drinks tomorrow night?"

"After the week I've had, try and stop me!"

* * *

><p>.<p>

The rest of the day dragged on and it gave my mind too much freedom to wander and once it began to wander, I began thinking about what I was doing with Thomas; what if Liv was night? She never said much, but from what I knew about her and twins' father, they were as in love as two people could be until she got pregnant, then all hell broke loose. Not that I have any plans to get pregnant but I am in this… thing that I'm in with Thomas and it's delicate. He says that he loves me and want to believe him and when I'm in his arms, I do believe him…

_Too bad we can't spend every minute in bed! _I thought to myself just before something told me to look at my watch.

"Shit, 5:15!" I said out loud as I got up and began gathering my things

"Where's the fire?" Nick laughed as he passed my desk sipping his third red bull of the day.

"Very funny; I have a date"

"Anybody I know?"

"Doubtful!"

"She's bein' secretive about the new boyfriend" Fin teased from his desk

"I'm not bein' secretive, I'm bein' private" I corrected "There's a difference… and he's not my boyfriend"

"If you insist" Fin said, he and Nick snickering

"Y'all are such children!" I huffed, grabbing my purse and walking out of the squad room.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Ever a stickler for punctuality, Thomas car was downstairs at seven on the dot. Before I walked out the door, I checked myself one last time in the mirror. My floor-length red satin dress looked more like lingerie with its plunging back and neckline and ultra-thin straps, every curve of my body was vividly on display and just as he'd requested, no bra or panties. I'd pulled my hair back into a sleek ponytail and my makeup which included blood red lips was perfect.

I picked up my small clutch and red fox stole that was dyed to match my gown and made my way downstairs.

...

The moment I walked out of my building, the chauffeur, who was standing outside the limo, quickly opened the door for me. The night air was a bit chilly and I hurried to the car, smiling when I saw Thomas sitting inside.

"You look good enough to eat!" he said as he got out and took my hand, kissing it before he put his other hand on the small of my back and helped me inside the car. My nipples were already at attention from the cold but his touch made them swell painfully and I knew that I must have been blushing terribly.

Once we were both in the car, he reached over and picked u a black velvet box that he handed to me.

"What's this?" I asked

"Something beautiful to adorn you"

I smiled before opening the box and gasped to see a necklace inside that was absolutely dripping with diamonds; huge ones!

"Oh my lord, is this thing real?!" I asked, sounding way more excited that I meant to.

"I don't do faux" Thomas laughed as he lifted the necklace from the box and I turned my back to him so that he could put it on me; when it touched my skin, the coolness of the diamonds made me shudder.

Once he'd fastened it , I ran my fingers over it as he brought his lips to my neck and his hands caressed my shoulders.

"It's exquisite" I smiled as I closed my eyes to the glorious sensation of his mouth on my skin

"Nowhere near as exquisite as you!" he murmured as my straps fell away from my shoulders, causing my dress to fall to my waist and leaving my breasts completely exposed. "You're beautiful!" he said as he first cupped them then rolled my nipples between his fingers, all while continuing his exploration of my neck.

"Thomas… the partition" I moaned. We were in full view of the driver and Thomas' hand was now traveling between my legs in search of his favorite place.

"He doesn't mind, do you Pablo?"

"Not at all sir" the chauffeur answered matter-of-factly without turning around.

"See? He doesn't mind… so why don't you explore your inner exhibitionist while I explore you?" before I could protest, his mouth was on mine and I was again finding myself lost in him. I didn't feel comfortable but I didn't refuse. Not when I lay my head in his lap and he continued to kiss me passionately while he got me off with his fingers and not when he proceeded to fuck me senseless until we reached Atlantic City; all while Pablo watched from the rear view mirror.

...

When we pulled up in front of the Borgata, Pablo got out of the car and I turned to look at Thomas.

"I've never done anything like that before; it was such a rush" I exclaimed, smiling.

"Angel, that won't be your only rush tonight; just let me lead the way!" he said and winked at me, a huge grin on his face just as Pablo opened the car door…

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Chapter four complete! How's my driving?**


	5. Sharing

**HERE WE ARE WITH CHAPTER FIVE PICKING UP RIGHT WERE WE LEFT OFF. SO WHERE DOES THOMAS TAKE OUR DARLING AMANDA NEXT? DICK WOLF OWNS THE SVU CHARCTERS, I OWN MINE, ENJOY!**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**BORGATA CASINO HOTEL, ATLANTIC CITY**

After spending an hour at the roulette table where Thomas kept me by his side for good luck, he walked away a million dollars richer.

"Put this on my account" he said to his personal attendant, leaving the stacks at the table before turning to me and handing me a $100,000 chip. "Buy yourself something pretty"

"Thomas, I can't accept this" I said as he lead me through the casino floor

"Of course you can"

"This is more money than I make in a year!" I said, looking incredulously at the shiny gold chip in my hand.

"Get used to the good life, Angel!" he said, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me close.

...

Moments later we walked into our suite and no sooner than the door had closed, we were all over each other.

"Feeling adventurous?" he asked as he caressed the skin of my back

"Depends on your definition of adventurous" I said coyly before I kissed him.

"Come" he said and took both my hands, leading me to the bedroom.

"Somebody gonna watch again?"

"Yes… me." he said as he opened the double doors and we walked inside. There, sitting on the king-sized bed was a gorgeous red head. She looked to be about my age, maybe a couple years younger. When she stood up, I could see that she was wearing a gown identical to mine, only, she had a lot more curves to fill it out. Her body was so perfect it looked drawn; small waist, full hips, large, perky breasts – I didn't know they still built em like this after the 1960s!

"Who's this?" I asked sheepishly as I turned to Thomas

"This" he said as he took her hand and brought her closer where I stood "Is Alli; Alli, say hello to Amanda"

"Hi" she said after licking her full lips then pulled the bottom one into her mouth and suggestively bit the corner as she her eyes scanned my body "She's lovely" she said to Thomas without taking her eyes from me. I got an unsettling feeling about the whole thing.

"She is indeed!" Thomas agreed while standing behind me and softly kissing my neck.

"Is this what you mean by adventurous?" I asked through hitched breath

"It is" he murmured as he continued to ply me with kisses. I'd never done anything remotely like this before and certainly never thought about being with a woman sexually. Suffice it to say I was feeling quite apprehensive about the whole idea that Thomas was presenting. Curious, but apprehensive nonetheless.

And if I agree, how do we…"

"We'll start slow." He said "First, I direct"

"Direct?" I asked, unclear as to what he meant

"He'll watch while he tell us what to do" Alli answered while softly rubbing her knuckle against the outline of my nipple through my dress.

"I don't recall inviting you to touch me" I protested, even though my body was reacting to her touchand loving it. Alli quickly raised her hands in mock surrender as she giggled

"My bad" she half-heartedly apologized with a sly smile on her face.

"Angel, it would make me so happy if you'd do this for me"

"What about you, aren't you joining?"

"I will at some point, but right now, all I want is to watch you two. I want to watch you writhe, hear you moan while Alli uses her mouth to make you come"

"And I will make you come… harder than you ever have in your life." Alli finished. I swallowed hard and bit my lip at the thought, feeling myself grow moist. No, I'd never given consideration to being with a woman but I'd be a liar of I said that Alli wasn't incredibly attractive and if ever I were going to try it…

"Is that a yes?" Thomas asked, putting his arms around Alli, with me in the middle, pulling her close and making a nice little sandwich. She shifted slightly, so that her nipples would bush against mine, well aware that they were already touching. This time I didn't complain; just locked gazes with her, allowing her to lean in and dart her tongue out to take a slow, deliberate lick of my lips before she softly yet seductively kissed them. I hesitated at first but then allowed my hands to tangle in her gorgeous red mane as I softly kissed her back, our tongues dancing blissfully as I felt her pull the large pin that held my hair up, sending it tumbling to my shoulders, our kiss deepening as I felt Thomas' hands on my breasts. When she finally broke the kiss and pulled away, I was breathless as I licked the taste of her lips from mine and smiled.

"I would say that's definitely a yes!" Thomas smiled approvingly, I could feel his hard-on against me as I turned my head to look at him.

"Before we begin…" I said

"Anything Angel"

"You come in her and I will tie your dick in a very painful, irreversible knot! We clear?"

"Crystal!" he agreed then kissed me and removed his tuxedo jacket before he took a seat in one of the plush chairs that sat facing the bed, leaving Alli and I standing in the middle of the room.

"Now" he began "I want, you both to very slowly undress each other…"

* * *

><p>.<p>

**What has Amanda gotten herself into?**

* * *

><p><strong>I won't be continuing after this chapter. The story is not being reviewed so I don't want to waste my time writing something that's not being read.<strong>


	6. Losing Herself

**THE MAJORITY OF YOU GUYS HAD THE SAME RESPONSE AFTER THE LAST CHAPTER; A BID COLLECTIVE 'WHAT THE FUCK?" WELL THE FUCKERY IS NOT DONE FLOWING. WE PICK UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF. DICK WOLF OWNS THE SVU CHARACTERS, THE OTHERS ARE MINE, ENJOY!**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

To say that we had a wild night would be an understatement! Thomas sat watching while instructing Alli and me on all the nasty little things he wanted us to do to each other and I did them all, shamelessly! We absolutely ravaged one another for what seemed like and eternity before Thomas joined in and ravaged us both – tonight was the best sex I'd ever had in my life and after Alli had gone sometime around 4am, Thomas and I continued to make love until the sun came up and I had to leave to get back to the city for work. Thomas had business in AC so he stayed behind when I left with Pablo who drove me back to the city

I arrived home with 40 minutes to spare and quickly thanked Pablo before getting out and rushing upstairs to get out of that dress, stash the necklace and the money in my closet until I figured out something better and then grab a hot shower and a cup of coffee before I rushed to work in a taxi, arriving with literally less than a minute on the clock.

I'm here! I exclaimed as I ran into the squad room.

"Ummm… congratulations?" Liv said, not sure what my rush was about.

"Good morning to you too." I grinned as I took a seat at my desk.

"You're chipper"

'You'd be too if you had a night like mine!" Nick and Fin looked on eagerly, wanting details. "No."

"Okay people" Olivia addressed the squad room. "I'm in meetings all day, Detective Tutuola's in charge" she then dropped her voice to address just Fin, Nick and me "I'll see you guys later"

When she was gone from the squad room, I turned around in my chair to face my desk and get started on my paperwork. After a few seconds, I felt eyes on me and turned my head to see Nick and Fin standing behind me, arms folded across their chests and looking down at me.

"…What?" I asked

'How come you're bein so secretive about this guy you're seein?" Fin asked

"I'm not being secretive, Liv knows all about him."

"Yeah but we don't " Nick said "why is that, huh?" he asked

"Yeah, why is that?" Fin asked "What's his name?"

"Why? So you can run a background check on him?" I asked, not expecting the telling glance and nervous laugh he and Nick exchanged.

"That's not the point" Nick protested

"Yeah, we're the ones asking the questions' Fin added

"Guys, when you need to know, you'll know" I said, just as my phone rang. It was Thomas. "I gotta take this" I said as I got up and headed for the cribs.

...

"Did you make it home alright?" Thomas asked as I shut the door to the cribs.

"I did and I thought about you the entire time"

"That's what I like to hear. So, how did you enjoy our night?"

"It was different… amazing, but different."

"You did seem to be enjoying yourself"

"That's because I was enjoying myself, but I prefer it to be just you and me when it comes to sex"

"I see"

"Though I wouldn't mind it once in a while – just so long as it's women, I wouldn't feel comfortable with…"

"Another man joining? Angel, that's something you'll never need to worry about; I'd die before I let another man touch you, you're mine, only mine"

"And your wife?"

"Knows better than to interfere in my private life but let's not talk about her, I called for another reason."

"Being?"

"Your apartment"

"What about it?" I asked

"It's inconvenient"

"Because?"

"You deserve better"

"I'm fine where I am"

"Too late, I've already signed the paperwork to purchase your new place. I'll have the keys sent over, you can move in this weekend" he informed me, in an unaffected tone

"I'm not moving" I said defiantly

"Angel, I told you, now that you're with me you're going to have to get used to the good life – this is more of the good life."

"Thomas, I don't-"

"It sounds like you're doubting me"

"No, I just"

"Angel, trust me to know what's best for you"

"I do but…"

"Then it's settled. I'll have my assistant come by around 6 with your keys and you can have a look at it."

I sighed, knowing how impossible it was to win when Thomas was determined.

"Fine, I'll have a look at it"

"Good girl" I could hear him smiling smugly through the phone

"But if I don't like it-"

"You'll love it" he insisted "Now I have a meeting to get to. I'll call you when I can"

"Okay. I lo-" I started but he had already hung up the phone. I sighed again before returning my phone to my back pocket. As frustrating as it was, I loved the way Thomas was always trying to look out for me. I'd never really had that with a man before and to be honest if felt good.

...

Since Olivia and I were going out tonight, I asked her to come along with me to have a look at the apartment before we went for drinks. We arrived at the address – right near Union Square and entered a building with a doorman out front who cheerfully escorted us inside and directed us to the elevators. Olivia, and I, along with Thomas' assistant rode up to the 27th floor and entered the apartment at the end of the hall.

I could not believe that I was standing in a place like this. My whole apartment could fit in the living room. there were 2 humungous bedrooms, each with a private bath, a third bathroom in the hall. The kitchen looked like something out of a fancy magazine – all stainless steel high tech appliances with granite countertops, the whole apartment looked like something out of a fancy magazine. High ceilings, huge windows, hardwood floors…

'This place is huge!" Olivia exclaimed. "are you gonna take it?"

"I don't know, do you think I should?"

"You already know how I feel about all of this." Thomas' assistant's phone rang and she stepped away to answer it.

"Liv'

"Amanda, what do you want me to say?" she asked, suddenly gripping her left wrist as if it were hurting.

"I don't know; that somehow, through all of this you support me."

"Honey, I will always support you that" she said and grimaced

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I just…" she trailed off as her phone now rang. "I'm sorry, it's the twin's dad" she said before answering "Hey… I'm calm, what's wrong? …oh my god! No, just… put her on! Aria, baby… yes, I know it hurts sweetie… I know baby, I'm on my way… I love you too, put daddy on. What hospital? We'll talk when I get there." She said and hung up

"Everything okay?" I asked

"No, Aria fell and sprained her wrist; I need to get to the hospital."

"I could come with"

"You have company remember? I'll call you later" she said as she headed for the door. When she was out of sight Thomas' assistant reentered the room.

"Miss Rollins, Mr. Kirkland would like to know if you've made a decision about the apartment" she said to me.

"Is he still on the phone?" I asked, she responded by holding her phone out to me. "Thomas? I love it!" I exclaimed. "I guess I'm moving in!"

And why not? Thomas loves me, I love him and if the man I love wants to do nice things for me, things that will propel our relationship in the right direction, I don't see any reason why I should stop him. This isn't just my new apartment, it's ours!

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Thanks to a few special people who convinced me to keep writing this story, I love you guys. More to come. I'm curious, what do all think this leads to? Talk to me.**


	7. Down The Rabbit Hole

**HOW ABOUT WE AGAIN PICK UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF? DICK WOLF OWN WHAT'S HIS, I OWN WHAT'S MINE. ENJOY!**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**Olivia's apartment later that night…**

From the moment Olivia walked in to the emergency room, Aria snuggled into her mother's arms and never left. While Olivia struggled to keep her tears at bay – her heart aching at seeing her child in pain, Aria's dad was busy blaming himself for their daughter's mishap and couldn't stop apologizing the whole time they were there.

They were both relieved when the doctor confirmed that it was indeed just a sprain - no broken bones.

They walked into Olivia's apartment, Aria fast asleep in her daddy's arms when he saw Olivia looking sadly at the bandage wrapped around their daughter's tiny wrist, once again, he began apologizing.

"Liv, I'm so sorry I-"

"David, it's fine; she's okay that's all that matters" she assured him in a tired voice. He looked at her with sad eyes and nodded.

"I'll put her PJ's on and put her down"

"Put her in my bed; if she wakes up she'll want me" again, he nodded apologetically.

...

After he'd gotten a still sleeping Aria into her pajamas and tucked into Olivia's bed, he got back to the living room and sat down just in time to see Olivia come in from the dining room with a glass in her hand.

"Still take your scotch neat?" she asked, offering him the glass as he looked up at her.

"I do… thanks, I could use it" he said as he took it from her hand, taking a long sip as she sat beside him, tucking her leg beneath her. "You remembered"

"I remember a lot of things" she said quietly, refusing t let her eyes meet his. There was brief, awkward silence between them.

"I felt it" she said

"Felt what?" he asked curiously

"My baby's pain…" she said, finally releasing the tears she'd been holding in all night. "Right before you called, my wrist began throbbing and I got a feeling that something was wrong" he put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. Just that simple gesture sent a flood of emotions through her that she was in no way prepared to deal with and she made the mistake of looking up at him - those amazing eyes of his still had the power to make her weak especially when, like now he was looking so deeply into hers.

"David…"

She barely got his name out before he leaned in and kissed her slowly, sweetly on the lips, taking her completely by surprise. She didn't return his kiss but instead pushed him away.

"Liv"

"Why did you do that?" she asked, her emotions threatening to choke her

"Because I made a mistake" he confessed

"What?"

"You know what these last eight years of my life have been? Me realizing that I chose the wrong woman… it should have been you. I have never stopped loving you" he said, his eyes filling with tears, his confession dropping on her like a ton bricks and she fought to just breathe.

"You should go." She said in a whisper as she stood up

"Olivia"

"Please" she begged. He sighed before standing up. He put his hand under her chin, lifting her head before he tried to kiss her again; this time she slapped him hard across the face.

"I said get out." She said, her calm voice contradicting the violence with which she'd just hit him.

"I see that fire never left" he smirked, finished his drink and then turned heading for the door.

...

**One week later, Amanda's new apartment.**

The middle of the afternoon and Thomas and I had been making love all day and were now cuddled in my gigantic new bed in my equally huge new bedroom.

"Feels good to have a an entire day with you"

"Not quite. I have to be to work in an hour, remember?" I said as I got up

"Where are you going?" he asked, propping himself up on his elbow.

"To get ready"

"Come back to bed, Angel"

"I want to I can't" I protested as I tied my short robe.

"Have you been thinking about what I suggested?" he asked

"You suggest a lot of things" I joked halfheartedly as he got out of bed

"I'm talking about you quitting that job" he reminded as he put his arms around me from behind, pressing his erection against my ass and began planting kisses on my neck

"I've been thinking about it" I said and yes, I had been – thinking how there was no way I would quit my job.

"Good girl"

"I mentioned it to Olivia and-"

"Does Olivia have to be involved in every facet of our personal life?"

"She's my best friend, we talk about things"

"And she tries to turn you against me" still holding me tight

"She doesn-"

"Angel, don't deny it. My assistant informed me of what happened when you came to look at this place; what she said"

"She spying on me?" I asked, quite annoyed as I turned to face him

"She couldn't help what she heard while she was in the room."

"She also had no business repeating what was said between my friend and I!" I argued as I pushed his arms off of my waist and stepped back."

"She's my employee, her allegiance lies with me"

"Oh I get it, you fuckin her too?!" I yelled, thoroughly pissed off. His hand came across my face too fast for me to even see it coming but he backhanded me hard enough to throw my balance off and send me falling to the floor.

My normal instinct would have been to strike back but I was too shocked to do anything other than hold my throbbing cheek, mouth agape while trying to wrap my racing mind around what had just happened.

"Angel!" He said as he kneeled down and reached for me. I jumped and quickly moved away. "I didn't mean it"

"You hit me!" I cried, still in shock and still holding my face

"It was an accident, I just reacted and I…I'm so sorry!" he said and again reached for me. I flinched at first but allowed him to pull me into his arms "You have to know that I would never hurt my angel" he said before slowly pulling my hand away from my face and planting gentle kisses on my stinging cheek.

"I'm gonna be late for work" I said, fighting the tears that were threatening to spill from my eyes.

"Angel, please you can't walk away from me angry. Please tell me that you know I didn't mean this." He begged

"It's ok; I'm alright" my voice was sallow, emotionless and I wasn't even sure if I believed my own words. He ciupped my face and looked me deep in the eyes

"I love you." he said in an almost pleading tone "tell me you love me" I paused as I searched his eyes and saw genuine sorrow in them. how could I be angry?

"I do… I love you" the words had barely left my mouth before his mouth was on mine and he was pushing me down onto the floor. "Thomas, I have to go…" I said when I was on my back and he had undone my robe and was on top of me kissing my neck.

"After" was all he said before guiding my thighs apart and pushing himself inside me. I wasn't ready and it hurt and I cried out to let him know. "Don't worry my angel, just give in to the pleasure." He said and began fucking me in deep, powerful strokes that took my breath as I pulled him tighter

"Oh god!" I cried, unable to deny how good it felt now that I'd relaxed my muscles.

"You're mine Angel. Never forget who you belong to!"

...

Two orgasms later, I had 20 minutes to get to work; a fact that I informed Thomas of when we got up from the floor.

"I want you here"

"You'll have me later. I need to shower"

"No. if you're leaving, skip the shower; I want my scent on you and I want you feel that ache between your legs while my cum is leaking into your panties so you won't forget that I was there… a man has to mark what's his!" he said and kissed my lips. I don't know why I gave in to that demand but I did and I have to admit, it felt strangely wonderful to be so wanted.

...

I was thankful that I could cover the bruise on my cheek with makeup. As soon as I got to work, Olivia sent Fin and I out on a call – a woman had been found naked, raped and strangled in the park at Chelsea Piers – a homeless man discovered her in the bushes while chasing after his cat and ran screaming for help. Fin and I arrived on the scene to find Warner already there with CSU.

"Looks like she's been out here at least 12 hours, raped vaginally and anally" Melinda informed us as she logged info into her tablet.

"We got an ID?" Fin asked as he knelt down to get a look at the body

"We found a purse under a bush a few feet away, license says Katherine Allison McIntyre age 25, Upper East Side address." Melinda said

"Upper East? What's she doin down here at the piers in the middle of the night?" Fin asked as I pulled back the white sheet that covered the body. What I saw underneath it shocked me; the mass of red hair, the green eyes that were wide open and bulging from their sockets along with her full lips that were ghastly parted in death. However, it wasn't the manner in which she died that shocked me to my core, it was the fact that she wasn't just another victim… I knew this woman, I'd been with this woman sexually just over a week ago in Atlantic City; the woman lying here in the park was Alli!

* * *

><p>.<p>

**WELP! I absolutely love how vocal you guys are and I love your reviews. Thanks for reading.**


	8. Blank

**GLAD I DIDN'T QUIT THIS STORY BECAUSE THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO TELL! PICKING UP FROM WHERE WE WERE. DICK WOLF OWNS THE SVU CHARACTERS; Y'ALL KNOW THE REST, ENJOY!**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

"Tell us you got something" Fin implored as he and I walked into the morgue the morning after finding Alli's body.

"Afraid not" Melinda said "This is the cleanest rape/homicide I've ever come across; no trace evidence whatsoever!"

"How can that be?" I asked

"I wish I knew. I found no fluids, no fibers, not even a hair" Melinda informed us

"So we got nothing?" Fin complained

"Not exactly, I did find traces of sodium hypochlorite in the vaginal and anal cavities."

"Bleach?" Fin cried disbelievingly while my stomach turned.

"Someone took the time to clean that body before dumping it in the park and they did it so thoroughly, even I can't get the corpse to talk. Good luck detectives, you got one hell of an investigation in ahead of you!"

"Fuck!" Fin seethed under his breath.

* * *

><p>.<p>

The month that followed did nothing but run us into dead end after dead end with Alli's case. She worked as an escort, had grown up in foster care after her parents, who were Irish immigrants had died in a car accident when she was 7. She had no other family other than a few distant relatives scattered around Ireland, no friends aside from the room mate who shared the high-end apartment where they lived and even she couldn't, or wouldn't tell us much about Alli's personal life. Whoever killed this girl knew that she'd be someone that no one would miss and they were absolutely right.

Even when I mentioned it to Thomas, he showed about as much concern as if I'd just told him that it was raining which surprised me considering that he'd known her intimately for quite some time. I guess he was far too busy hounding me to quit my job to care much.

"Why is this so important to you?" I asked him yet again when he brought it up after our lovemaking while we lay in bed

"Because I worry too much about you"

"Why can't you understand that my job is who I am?"

"Your job is what you do and quite frankly, it's beneath you!" those words were like a slap in the face to me and I pulled away from him and got out of bed. "Angel…"

"Don't!" I snapped "What I do makes a difference and I happen to love it!"

"You run around chasing perverts, that's no life for you!" he argued and got up from the bed

"It's the life I chose for myself!"

"Perhaps it's time to consider another choice." He was standing in front of me now

"And what? Be your full time mistress, submit to being a kept woman?"

"You say that like it's the worst thing in the world. I want to expose you to all the finer things you've been missing, show you all there is to see"

"Olivia was right, you will never understand who I am"

"I don't wanna hear her name, do you understand me? Every time you open your mouth it's Olivia said this, or Olivia said that – where are Amanda's thoughts?" he yelled

"What is your problem with Olivia?"

"She's too involved"

"Just like my job, Olivia is part of who I am and if you can't understand that… you know what, you don't need to understand I'm done!" I said

"Glad to see you coming to your senses" he gloated

"Not with her, with you!" I said, wiping the smug smile from his face

"Angel"

"Thomas, you either accept all of me or none at all. I love Olivia and she's not going anywhere so deal with it or lose me"

"Come on…"

"Not negotiable. She's been here long before you; she's earned my loyalty and I trust her implicitly! I will not be made to choose and if you force it, you won't like my choice." He opened his mouth to speak but thought better of it. Who'd have thought that lil' ol' me could make mega man back down?

"Fine" he agreed. I could tell that he didn't take defeat well. "No more" he conceded

"Thank you." I smiled and kissed him on the lips. "I need to get ready for work, why don't you come and join me in the shower?"

"You go ahead, I'm gonna grab a drink of water and I'll be right there." He kissed my forehead and I smiled before headed off to the bathroom.

...

Thomas waited until he heard the shower before he left the bedroom with his phone and wen't out into the hall before making a call. When the other party picked up, he spoke one sentence before hanging up.

"Be on standby, I might need to have you deal with another problem."

* * *

><p>.<p>

**WHAT PROBLEM?! Better yet, who?**


	9. True Colors

**HELLO, HELLO! WE'RE BACK WITH CHAPTER NINE. CAN I JUST SAY THAT IT MAKES ME LAUGH SO HARD AT HOW MUCH EVERYONE HATES THOMAS – AND IT'S PASSIONATE HATE, LOL. WELL, I THINK AFTER THS CHAPTER… JUST READ IT. DICK WOFL OWNS HIS SHIT, I OWN MINE, ENJOY.**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

Over the next few weeks saw peace in practically every area of my life. Thomas backed off from bugging me about my job and my friends and instead focused on us and in return, I rewarded him by taking a three month leave of absence from work to give him my undivided attention. When I told Olivia of my plans, she didn't try to talk me out of them; she'd promised that she was done trying to dissuade me from being with Thomas and she was true to her word but she did pose a question that left me thinking

"Do you ever think that maybe you're too accommodating where Thomas is concerned?"

"I don't know, I mean love is give and take right?"

"Yes but it just seems to me that you're doing most of the giving; I mean a three month leave from work just to…?"

"Enjoy the man I love. You know how it is when love is new"

"I know all too well, but I also wonder if it would have become love if I'd known about his wife from the beginning; if I'd been given a choice." Olivia said wistfully

"You still love him, don't you?"

"David? He gave me two beautiful children; for that, I'll always love him"

"But are you still 'in' love with him?"

"I'm in a relationship and I'm committed to it" she reminded me

"That's not what I asked"

She gave a vague smile and sipped her coffee

...

With Olivia's question swirling in my head, I went along with my plans for my leave and allowed Thomas to spoil me beyond my wildest dreams - trips, shopping sprees, fancy restaurants, the best hotels – you name it. He even handed me the keys to a brand new, custom made Land Rover Range Rover for my birthday, insisting that I needed a better car. I didn't fight him on it and gladly accepted the luxury vehicle. I was slowly accepting the roll that Thomas had intended for me to play in his life; looking back, I wish that I'd fought harder to maintain the person I was.

In addition to providing me all the material things he thought would make me happy, he also continued to introduce me to more new experiences. We went skydiving in Hawaii - my first time and when we landed, while the adrenaline was still coursing hard through my veins and my heart was pounding like crazy, he tore off my jumpsuit and made love to me right there on the ground where we'd landed – I'd never come so hard in my life! Bungee jumping, hang gliding, jet boating through river canyons – all would give me an incredible rush and would lead to incredible sex and I couldn't get enough of the thrill! The thrill however, didn't last long and it was in Morocco things began changing again, just a month into my leave.

I was upset at him not joining me there when he said he would and I had to spend a week there alone before he finally arrived – unannounced. This was typical of Thomas so I don't know why it upset me so much this time but it did and I was on the phone venting my frustrations to Olivia when he walked in.

"I'm just feeling…I don't know, this isn't what I thought it would be; visiting all these beautiful places but I'm alone most of the time"

"Come home"

"I should. You know, I can't help thinking that maybe you're right, maybe I am giving too much in this relationship; maybe I need to step back and reexamine…"

"Hello Angel" I heard his voice say and every nerve in my body went rogue as anger, relief, and arousal all came rushing to me at once and I paused.

"Let me get back to you." I said to Olivia while my eyes drank in the sight of Thomas.

"If you need me…"

"I know." I smiled before hanging up.

"Angel"

"Where the hell have you been? You were supposed to be here a week ago!" I yelled as I got up from the round sofa where I sat in the center of the large, open space of the master bedroom that looked out over the ocean, and walked toward him

"My wife"

"What now? She need you to wipe her ass?"

"We had to put in some appearances; I couldn't get out of it"

"Apparently you couldn't pick up a damn phone either!" god., I wanted to slap him and fuck him at the same time

"I see that's not a problem for you, let me take one guess who you were talking to"

"Let me help you, it was Olivia!"

"Of course!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I yelled

"Just that I don't understand how she finds the time to run her own god damned life when she's so immersed in running yours!"

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about!"

"I think you need to calm down"

"Tell me something? Why are you so obsessed with Olivia, huh?" I mean I know you have an eye for beautiful women and she is pretty damn hot if I must say so myself; is that it? You wanna fuck my best friend?"

"You're being ridiculous"

"Yeah, you're too busy fucking your wife and all your other side pieces"

"I'm warning you angel"

"You're _warning _me? Is that so? Well let me _warn _you with a little somethin my momma used to say" I said as I got in his face ""what's good for the goose, is good for the gander" since you can fuck other people, why can't I? I mean just thinking of all he dick I'm missing while I'm waiting around on you, makes me wanna grab some nice young thang and ride him like I'm in a rodeo!"

Instead of a slap, it was his fist that came flying at my face, hitting me square in the nose. I could feel the blood pouring out as I stumbled to the floor but this time there would be no apology, just rage as he quickly reached down and grabbed me by the throat pulling me to my feet as I clawed at his hand. I could see absolute ferocity in his eyes.

"You want to behave like a bitch in heat? I'll treat you like one!" he vowed with fury as he threw me face-down onto the bed. I quickly tuned myself over onto my back and when he came toward me, I kicked him in the chest, but not hard enough apparently and just as I got up, he sent his hand flying across my face and knocked me down again and was on me before I could move, again turning me over so that I was on my stomach and grabbing a fist full of my hair, gripping hard to hold my head in place so that I couldn't move.

My mind was racing and I was breathing in deep gasps as my nose bled all over the white bed linens

"Thomas…" I called to him, but he paid no attention, instead pushing my long dress up and pushing my legs apart with his knee. I didn't want what I knew he was going to do but I didn't fight him, I only screamed as he pushed himself inside me to the hilt in one thrust and fucked me mercilessly while he pulled my hair tighter as I continued to scream.

"Do you understand how much I love my angel?" he asked, continuing to fuck me hard while he gripped my chin and yanked my head around so that I was looking at him "But you have to be taught to respect my love" he said just before he cover my mouth with his and kissed me hard, seemingly unbothered by the blood that was pouring from my nose and covering my lips.

...

I don't know how much time had passed when he finally pulled out and stood up. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, I just lay there weeping, unbelievable pain exploding between my legs while he went into the bathroom and returned a brief moment later sitting down on the bed and cradled me in his arms.

"It's okay now, you don't have to cry" he said softly as he began to clean the blood from my face with gentle strokes of the cold, wet cloth in his hand.

"I…I can do it" I said as I reached for the cloth and held it to my nose for a moment, reveling in the relief that the coolness brought to my throbbing nose as his hand caressed my stomach and trailed down between my legs.

"Thomas no…" I cried barely above a whisper, more a plea than a demand

"I won't hurt you Angel" he said sweetly as he gently stroked the strip of hair on my mound as he looked into my eyes and smiled, putting me somewhat at ease. "Do you see what Olivia has done? She's coming between us again, making you say and do hurtful things… I just needed to remind you – that if you ever" he said as he suddenly shoved his fingers inside me, causing me to really cry out as I desperately gripped his wrist to pull them out to no avail

"And I mean EVER allude to fucking another man" he seethed a he pushed them in deeper and twisted them hard "You might as well kill us both. Do you understand me?"

"Yes!" I cried in agony, just wanting the pain to stop

"And?" he asked, moving them in and out fast and hard

"I'm sorry!" I was squirming at this point

"That's my good girl" he said and softly kissed my split lips as he pulled his hand out of me, both our fluids dripping from his fingers as he let me go and proceeded to lay down on his back, resting against the pillows. "Now climb on and fuck me like you mean it!"

* * *

><p>Later that night, Thomas lay sleeping peacefully beside me; we made love until he'd exhausted himself, holding me tightly in his arms and I lay there in his embrace, my mind trying hard to understand what had just happened and how I allowed it – again. He hit me again, and again, I allowed it; after that initial kick I didn't even try to fight back and the more I thought about it the more I realized that maybe he was right, I had no right to say what I'd said to him, to make the accusations I did, to threaten to lay with another man all because I was angry – I hurt him.<p>

_What the hell are you saying? Are you really blaming yourself for this? He had no right to hit you, to force himself on you! _I heard a small inner voice say to me, causing more tears to fall from my eyes, tears that I quickly wiped away then reached for Thomas' arm and slowly moved it from around my waist, deciding that I could use a hot bath.

I slowly got out of bed but not before taking my phone from the nightstand and turned toward the bathroom when Thomas suddenly grabbed my wrist.

"Where are you going?"

"T-to take a bath I'm… a little stiff"

"We're okay?' he asked

"Yeah… we're fine" I whispered. He tapped his lips and I leaned in and kissed him softly and he smiled.

"You know that I only discipline you because I love you?"

"I know… I love you too" I was still fighting the tears that wanted so badly to be cried.

"That's my girl. Hurry back to bed."

"Okay" I nodded and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me and walking over to the huge marble bathtub and turning on the hot water then going to the mirror and wanting to gasp at what I saw staring back at me. I could tell that it wasn't broken but my nose was black and blue and horribly swollen with a cut to the bridge and I had and both my lips were split. I couldn't hold back my tears and put a hand to my mouth to muffle my sobs.

In the bedroom, Thomas lay smiling, quite pleased with himself.

"I can say with certainty that I got my point across this time." He gloated to himself then decided that he wanted to join Amanda in the tub and got up and made his way to the bathroom. He was about to turn the doorknob when he heard Amanda's voice from inside and decided instead to listen.

...

**Inside the bathroom…**

"I didn't mean to wake you" Amanda apologized

"It's only 7pm here, remember?"Olivia reminded her of the time difference

"I forget"

"You okay?" Olivia asked not liking the tone in Amanda's voice. There was a long painful silence. "Amanda?"

"I just… I just needed to talk. Liv, I don't know what to do…"

Thomas heard that name and was suddenly enraged. He carefully eased the door closed and walked away. She's still putting that fucking woman ahead of him – fuck it! if Amanda wouldn't walk away, he'd had to see to it that Olivia did. He got hold of his phone and went out on the terrace to make a call.

The phone rang only once before the other party answered.

"I'm listening" the voice said

"You know that problem I told you about? I want it solved!"

"Can I have a little fun with it first?"

"I don' give a shit, but this time I don't want the body found!"

* * *

><p>"<strong>This time"? What exactly are you telling us Thomas? <strong>

** Go, REVIEW!**


	10. Badass Benson

**SO THAT PHONE CALL THOMAS MADE… WELL, I DIDN'T WANNA KEEP YOU GUYS WAITING TOO LONG TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS SO HERE WE ARE WITH CHAPTER TEN. DICK WOLF OWNS HIS SHIT, I OWN MINE, ENJOY.**

* * *

><p>...<p>

By the time Olivia got home that night it was just after nine; Aria and Sophia were already long fast asleep and after chatting with the nanny for a few minutes before she went home for the evening, Olivia locked up before going to look in on her daughters. She opened the door to their room and walked inside, not bothering with the light and kissed them, kissing their gorgeous little faces and whispering _I love you_ in their ears before leaving the room, shutting the door behind her.

Not having much of an appetite, she decided on tea to unwind and made her way to the kitchen to put the kettle on. Deciding to grab a quick shower, while it boiled, she turned the flame low and made her way to her bedroom, removing her gun , shield and handcuffs from her hip and setting them down on her dresser before heading to the bathroom.

After showering and pulling on a tank top and leggings, she picked up her gun, quickly removing the clip and emptied the chamber, putting the bullets down on the dresser and was about to put the gun in its lockbox but was suddenly interrupted by the sound of the tea kettle and decided that she should get it before the whistling woke the girls.

She took her tea to the bedroom to drink, turning off the light and making herself comfortable in bed while going over case files on her iPad and soon fell asleep, having forgotten to lock up her gun – a mistake that hadn't happened since the girls were born and one that she would kick herself for making except tonight, she would be more than thankful.

Two minutes past midnight and she was sleeping soundly when she felt something heavy on top of her and her eyes immediately shot open , a hand covering her mouth the very second they did.

"Don't move" a man's voice demanded in a low whisper "and if you try to scream I'll slit your throat" he threatened as she suddenly became aware of the cold steel of the blade against her throat.

"Do you understand me?" he asked. She gave a curt nod, her heart racing. "Good" he said before slowly removing his hand.

"What do you want?" she asked, trying not to let her fear take control. The fact that he hadn't bothered to hide his face told her that he wasn't worried about getting caught which meant that he didn't intend for her to be able to identify him which meant…

"You've been a pest and I'm here to exterminate you" he replied in a thick, Irish brogue "But first, I'm gonna give you the fucking for your life!"

"Please…"

"Shhhh" he cut her off with a finger to her lips "Don't worry darlin, you'll enjoy it" he said with a sinister smile on his face as he dragged his finger from her lips, down her neck and chest finally stopping at her breast and circled her nipple through her tank top before crashing his mouth over her hers in a hard, greedy kiss the as she struggled against him; inciting him to pull back and slap her angrily across the face, sending her head whipping to one side as a whimper escaped her.

"Try that again and after I slit your throat, I'll fuck your babies when I'm done!" he promised, igniting an even stronger rage in the woman he'd intended to make his victim. There was nothing to stop him from hurting her daughters even if she gave in to his demands and if she was going to die, she would give her last breath protecting them. As he put the knife between his teeth and grabbed her shirt with both hands, tearing it from her body and having almost succeeded, having ripped it almost completely down the middle before she brought her knee up hard between his legs, the knife falling from his mouth when he cried out in agony at the pain now radiating from his genitals as he fell over.

She moved quickly, grabbing the lamp from the night table and smashing the base of it against his skull before getting off of the bed but he was quicker and grabbed her foot; she kicked him hard with the other, desperate to get away and clawing at the sheets for traction. When her hand landed on the handle of the knife she didn't think twice before plunging it into his shoulder and running from the bed the second he left go of her leg.

"You bitch!" he yelled. She had quickly run to turn on the light switch by the door, illuminating the room and able to clearly see her attacker.

"Think about what you're doing" she tried to reason with him, looking around in desperation as he came toward her, her mind scrambling to figure out her next move.

"Oh I am thinkin" he said as he continued across the room "thinkin how instead of my cock, I'm gonna ram this blade up your cunt and fuck you to death with it!" he seethed as he grabbed hold of the knife and pulled it from his shoulder then took a run at her but she was quicker and when he swung the bloody blade, she dodged it but he quickly swung again, this time lower catching her hip and causing her to bite back a cry as the knife sliced through her flesh and she stumbled backward, her hand against the cut while her blood seeped through her fingers while he smiled, taking joy in her obvious pain. She wasn't given time to inspect the damage before he swung again but she caught his arm mid-air and held on as she sank her teeth deep into his flesh.

He howled as his hand seized and he drooped the knife just as she sent her elbow smashing into his face once, twice, stunning him before she detached her teeth from his arm and punched him hard in the face, smashing his nose and sending blood pouring down his face mingling with the blood that was already pouring from the gash in his head made by the lamp. The noise hadn't woken the girls and she was thankful, sickened at the thought of them witnessing any of this.

"Looks like you're the one being fucked!" she taunted, unprepared when he kicked her ankle and sent her tumbling to the floor quickly climbing on top her, sitting on her stomach and pinning her by the neck with one hand. he had a job to do and was determined that he would not leave here until he'd finished her, but he hadn't planned on it being so hard; this one was a fighter!

"You stupid whore!" he laughed just before he saw the knife on the floor beside him and grabbed it, sinking the blade into her thigh in one swift motion. This time she screamed but it was cut short when he added his other hand to her throat and began squeezing.

_You cannot die like this! You will not die like this! _She told herself as she fought against him, her arms flailing wildly as she felt herself becoming lightheaded. In a final, desperate attempt, she found the wound on his shoulder and pushed her finger into it, twisting it deep and that got his attention. He began screaming as her fingertips hit his bone, indescribable pain shooting through him and she could feel his grip lessening on her neck but she knew that this wouldn't be enough and braced herself as she reached down and tore out the knife that was embedded in her thigh, stabbing it into his lower ribcage and quickly scrambled from beneath him when he released her, coughing as she pulled herself to her feet, holding on to the dresser for support and stifling a cry at the intense pain in her leg, her blood flowing freely from the wound.

Her attacker writhed in agony on the floor while she stood injured and terrified – she had no idea how much longer she could fight him off and he was pulling the knife out of himself yet again. She began to sob but was comforted when her hand moved on the dresser and came in contact with her gun. She almost collapsed from relief and wasted no time grabbing it and sliding the clip inside, thanking god as she pointed it at the man who'd tried to kill her.

"Don't move!" she ordered just as he'd gotten to his feet, holding the bloody knife in his hand and took a shaky step toward her.

"You better be sure you know how to use that thing before you try" he warned, taking another step closer to her

"I could shoot a hair from your lip without grazing your skin; now stay. where the fuck. you are!" she warned through clenched teeth. This time he stopped. "Who sent you here?"

"Afraid I can't say" he grinned, shrugging his shoulders.

"You break into my home, attack me, threaten my children and you can't say? Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow your sorry ass away" she demanded as she released the safety from her gun, keeping it trained on him the entire time.

"I'm going to kill you" he stated menacingly and took another step as she took a step back "And trust me, when I do, I WILL be pluckin those little cherries in the next room" he threatened as he licked his lips.

"Do you know what the world's most dangerous animal is?" she asked

"Amuse me bitch" he spat

"A mother protecting her babies" She said in a trembling whisper before firing a single shot that hit him right between the eyes, piercing his skull and sending him falling backward onto the floor, blood pooling from the back of his head where the bullet exited. She let out a deep breath before dropping her arm and gong over to look down at the body then, with her gun still in her hand she limped over to her bed, sat down and picked up the phone and dialed, in somewhat of a daze as she raised it to her ear

"Liv what's wrong?" David asked, he'd answered immediately upon seeing her name on the display.

"I need you to come get the girls" she said as she tried to fight the tears that were threatening to spill over "The police are gonna be here soon and I don't want them to see…" she trailed off but he knew by her tone that it was bad and fear gripped him

"I'm on my way!" he assured, no questions asked

"Thank you" she said simply, blankly before she hung up and immediately called 911

"911 what's your emergency?"

"This is Sergeant Benson with the 16th precinct, shield 01139. My home was broken into and I've been attacked."

"Sergeant, are you hurt?" the dispatcher asked

"I-I've been cut… and stabbed"

"Ma'am, is your attacker still in the house and is he armed?"

"Yes; but he's dead" she said as she looked over at the man who had been her assailant; his dead eyes wide open and staring at nothing.

This would be a very long night.

* * *

><p><strong>How's THAT for badass? Talk to me, I love to hear your feedback.<strong>


	11. John Doe

**MEANT TO GET THIS ONE N SOONER BUT I DID BEAT THE TWO-WEEK MARK SO, YAY ME! I'M AFRAID AMANDA GETS IN DEEPER BEFORE IT… YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THAT, LET'S JUST FOCUS ON WHAT IS AT THE MOMENT. CHAPTER 11; DICK WOLF OWNS, I JUST BORROW AND TRY MY BEST.**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

I lay awake in bed beside Thomas as the sun began to stir against the beautiful horizon of the Moroccan sky. I hadn't slept all night, just lay there with my eyes open while Thomas held me protectively close to his body – almost as if he were afraid that I would disappear during the night and leave him with nothing.

I thought back to the night before – it was all I'd done while Thomas slept peacefully; I had no idea how he could after…

_He loves you_ I told myself as I turned my body to face Thomas; grimacing from the pain in my face when it brushed too roughly against the pillow. I settled on my side and looked at him for a long moment before I ran my hand along his face, stroking his cheek as tears sprang to my eyes.

"Please don't hurt me again" I whispered so faintly, it barely registered any sound at all. I wondered about what appeared to be a smile on his sleeping face; after my bath last night he was suddenly very happy and as curious as I was to know what had put him in such a joyous mood, I felt it best not to pry; it was a rule that he'd set early in our relationship and I knew better than to break that rule.

"Good morning" he said as he suddenly opened his eyes, jarring me from my thoughts.

"You're chipper."

"That's because I'm expecting good news at any moment" he smiled. I didn't have time to vocalize a response before his mouth was on mine, greedily kissing my split lips and pinning me on my back as he did so.

"Baby…" I whimpered at the pain in my lips, causing him to draw back

"I'm sorry angel; I forgot about you hurting yourself"

"It's okay" I said quietly, awkwardly as I turned my back to him and pulled the sheet to cover my nakedness. He'd taken me again last night, even though I'd tried protesting that I was too sore, I ended up giving in to please him and now I hurt even worse.

He snaked his arm around my waist, pressing his body against mine as he nuzzled at my neck and allowed his hand to dip between my thighs.

"Thomas…please, I can't." I said as I pushed his hand away and got up from the bed. "I'm gonna go take a shower" I said as I walked toward the bathroom. It was barely 6am and usually I'd be sleeping in but right now, I just needed a moment to myself, even if it was only in the confines of the shower stall.

...

David had arrived to Olivia's apartment with his wife, who'd insisted on coming to help with the girls. In spite of everything, Gina loved Olivia's daughters like they were her own and happily co-parented them, spoiling them terribly. She could never give David children and though she had been resentful of the pregnancy; as it progressed, she'd done her best to be accepting and to try to forgive the situation, deciding that it couldn't be undone even though it killed her to see Olivia's belly growing month after month with the one thing that she herself could never give her husband and watched him grow ever more excited over the impending arrival of his children. She'd even waited at the hospital eagerly the entire 17 hours while David coached Olivia through the birth then once the girls were born, she took one look at them and fell in love. She'd always dreamed of having daughters and the arrival of Aria and Sophia felt like an answered prayer. She couldn't blame those babies for David's betrayal any more than she could blame Olivia and although she did feel a pang of jealousy at watching David and Olivia rejoice in the birth; wishing that she could have been the one crying happy tears after bringing her children into the world, she never begrudged Olivia's happiness at becoming a mother and tried her best to be helpful and supportive in any way she could. After all, the children were everyone's first priority, everything else was trivial. So, when that call came from Olivia in the middle of the night, she was as panicked as David was and rushed to see about not only the girls, but their mother as well.

It was just before 2am and a complete zoo at the hospital where Olivia had been taken to have her injuries treated. The place was littered with police – homicide, IAB; it pained them to have to be there in official capacity when all they really wanted to do was offer moral support. Yet still, their fellow officer had been attacked, an attempt made on her life by a man she'd been forced to kill and it had to be investigated regardless of personal feelings.

Nick Fin and Munch had arrived even before she'd gotten there, the three of them shocked at her disheveled appearance; the leg that had been stabbed and was losing blood at an alarming pace, her clothes practically torn from her body and soaked through where her hip had been cut, a serious bruise paired with a small cut to her cheek from when her assailant violently slapped her – she was in bad shape.

As soon as David got the girls settled, he wasted no time in getting to the hospital to be with Olivia. Seeing her injuries at the apartment, he hadn't wanted to leave her but she'd insisted that he go with the girls. Now, as he entered the emergency room, the environment suddenly became a hostile one as he could feel Fin's eyes shooting daggers into him

"Haden, what the hell you doin here?" Fin growled

"Hello to you too, detective." David replied sarcastically. Fin had never forgiven David for the way he'd hurt Olivia by making her the other woman all those years ago. It nearly destroyed her when she found out about his wife just when she thought she'd finally had everything she could ever want – a man she loved wholeheartedly and having just discovered that she was pregnant with his child; children as they'd soon find out.

"That didn't sound like and answer to my question"

"You serious with this? The mother of my children was attacked and almost killed and you pick now to hold a grudge? Get over yourself!" David said as he walked past Fin and to the nurse's station.

"Excuse me, is there any information on Olivia Benson's condition?" he asked the nurse

"And you are?" the nurse asked.

"Her Husband" he lied

"Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Benson."

"Haden, and it's okay."

"The stab wound to her thigh did quite a bit of damage, the doctors took her into surgery when she arrived. I'm afraid that's all I have right now."

"Thank you, appreciate it" he said before walking away to take a seat in the waiting area and turned his head to look at Nick.

"Did she tell you anything?"Nick asked

"She woke up, he was on top of her with a knife to her throat…he tried to rape her" David said with tears in his eyes, swallowing the lump in his throat as Nick looked away, devastated by what he'd just heard.

"My God!"

"She didn't let him… they struggled, fought, she got hold of her gun after he stabbed her and she shot him." David finished. "That bastard threatened my girls…he's lucky I never got to him!" Nick sighed and put his hand on David's shoulder. Her hadn't been around when David and Olivia had gone through what they'd gone through years ago, all he had to go on was the David he'd gotten to somewhat know since he himself had come into Olivia's life four years ago and that David seemed like a pretty okay guy.

"Hey, um did anybody call this guy she's seeing? He should be here" David said

"Yeah" Nick answered "He's uh, he's catching the next flight out, he should be here by morning. "

"Good. She needs all the support she can get right now."

"Speaking of, I should call Rollins, she'd wanna know."

...

"I'm thinking once we leave here, we do Bali next" Thomas said as he stepped out onto the balcony where I sat watching the waves of the Mediterranean crash against the shore.

"I'm thinking home. I love our trips but I'm missin New York"

"Just New York?"

"Is there something else?"

"No." he said as he took a seat at the end the chaise on which I sat and took my hands in his "Angel, I was wrong to treat you the way I did last night."

"I provoked it, I shouldn't have"

"But it doesn't make it right. I promise, from this moment, I will never put my hands on you in that way again. I love you angel!" he said then handed me a box from Bulgari.

"Baby?"

"I had it specially made…one of a kind, just like you. Go ahead, open it" he insisted. I did and my breath was taken away when I saw the pieces inside. It was the most beautiful necklace I'd ever seen; sapphires, emeralds and gold had been expertly crafted to resemble a peacock and there was a matching bracelet and earrings too!

"Thomas! Baby, I love it!" I said as I threw my arms around him"

"I wanted to give it to you last night when I arrived…"

"And I spoiled your surprise… I can't tell you enough how sorry I am"

"All is forgiven. Will you wear it tonight?"

"What's tonight?"

"it's a surprise, one you'll love" he smiled before leaning in to kiss me. "say you love me" he said as he looked deep into my eyes and I saw the passion in his.

"I love you" I promised as I caressed his face. I was about to kiss him when my phone began ringing "It's 2am in New York, why would Nick be calling so late?' I wondered, worried when I saw his name on the display

Nick Amaro, the guy you work with?"

"Yeah; I need to take this" I said as I answered "Nick, is everything okay?"

"No, it's Liv. She was attacked in her home…" I felt my heart drop as he recounted to me what details he knew, tears rushing to my eyes. How could this happen to Liv? The very second I ended that call I turned to Thomas.

"Angel, is everything alright?"

"No, I um, I have to go home; Liv's been hurt!"

...

In New York, everyone was still waiting for Olivia to get out of surgery when Fin, who had been off in the corner on a call, rejoined Munch, Nick and David.

"Y'all ain't gone believe this"

"After tonight, I doubt nothing" Munch quipped

'What's going on?" David asked

"We got a hit off of John Doe's prints"

"Who s he?" Nick asked

"Detective Kevin Shannon, He works homicide for Jersey PD!"

* * *

><p>.<p>

**What you talking bout Willis?**


	12. When The Masks Come Off

**CHAPTER TWELVE; I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY OF YOU WHO READ THIS STORY AREREADING MY OTHRS SO I JUST WANTED TO PUT THE SAME NOTE HERE. THOUGH I AM TRYING TO UPDATE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE, WITH LIFE AND FOUR STORIES GOING ON, IT'S NOT SO EASY TO DO IT AND I THANK YOU GUYS FOR YOUR PATIENCE AND UNDERSTANDING. NOT MUCH TO SAY EXCEPT THAT IT PICKS UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF AND THAT DICK WOLF OWNS THE SVU CHARACTERS IN USE, I OWN THE REST. ENJOY!**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

"Let me get this straight" Nick said "You're telling me that a cop did this to Liv?" he had been having a hard time controlling his anger over the situation all night and now… "This son of a bitch is lucky she killed him because so help me God…!" he seethed, ready to drive his fist into a wall but just as he swung, Munch caught his arm and stopped him.

"Hey, raging bull, take it easy" John said to Nick as calm as possible as he patted him on the back

"Easy?" Nick yelled in question "He almost killed her!"

"And you breaking your hand can't change it. Come on, walk with me"

"John…"

"Don't make an old man beg" Munch said as he put his arm around Nick and led him away.

"He always so intense?" David asked Fin about Nick

"You were around during Stabler, you know how partners can be – especially when assholes hurt their partners" Fin said sharply "I got some calls to make, I gotta find out what the hell happened tonight."

"Not much you gonna find out at 3am" David reminded him

"I got a guy…" Fin said and walked off

"Great" David mumbled to himself as he stood alone and turned just in time to see the doctor standing in the doorway from which he'd just emerged.

"Family of Olivia Benson" The doctor called, David couldn't rush over fast enough.

"I'm her husband" he lied again "How is she?"

"Surgery went well and she's in recovery. The cut to her hip was deep, took 20 stitches to close but the good news is it was a clean cut, only superficial damage."

"And her leg?"

"The knife nicked a vein, which was the cause of the heavy bleeding. We managed to get in and repair it along with some damaged muscle but she'll be fine; she'll need therapy for the leg but I don't see any reason why it shouldn't be good as new in a couple months."

"Thank god!" David said, breathing a deep sigh of relief "Can I see her?"

"I'll take you up" the doctor said and he and David walked off together.

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**Morocco…**

For the last hour I'd busied myself with getting dressed and packing, making sure that I was ready to fly home while Thomas called to get the jet ready. After I had applied my makeup as best I could to cover my bruises, I left the bedroom suite and travelled the hall to the massive living room and was surprised to see Thomas, still in his robe and enjoying a scotch on out on the deck.

"Baby, um…why aren't you dressed?"

"I thought we'd spend the day inside…until tonight" he said and took a soft sip from his glass.

"Tonight? We have to leave this morning, I need to get back to Olivia"

"Olivia is fine I'm sure." He said dismissively, never having turned around to look at her

"You don't know that, I don't even know that – god, I should probably call Nick to see if there's any news" I said as I went back to the bedroom for my phone. I couldn't find it and headed back to the living room, wondering if Thomas could help me find it.

"Baby, have you seen my phone? It's not where I left it."

"Nick Amaro…" he said as he sat his drink down and made his way back inside "He's not your partner is he? It's the other one, the black fellow…"

"Fin" I said, not sure where he was going with this.

"Ah yes, _Fin. _It just strikes me as curious that Nick would be the one to call you and not your partner." He continued as he made his way to me, stopping three feet in front of me

"We're all close friends"

"How close?"

"I don't…"

"Has Nick been with you?"

"What?!" I couldn't believe he had just asked me that

"Has detective Amaro been with you? Has he undressed you? Touched your naked body with his hands, his mouth, has he been inside you?"

"No!"

"Have you laid beneath him clawing his skin and screaming his name while he fucked you to climax? Don't lie to me angel!" he said as he grabbed my wrist

"I'm not lying, I swear! Baby you're hurting me!" I cried.

He tilted his head, observing my reaction questioningly before his face softened and he smiled.

"Of course, I know you're not lying angel." He said suddenly sweetly as he pulled me into his arms and held me tight.

"You never answered my question"

"Oh right, your phone. It's in a safe place" he said before pulling away from the embrace

"What does that mean."

'It means that it's distracting you from focusing on us so I figured I'd hold on to it for a few days."

"We're flying back to the states this morning I..."

"Actually, we're not"

"If you don't want to come with me, I'll understand…"

"I'm afraid you **mis**understand, angel. Neither of us are going anywhere"

"I don't have time for this, I'll fly commercial!" I said as I reached for my purse and began to go through it. "As long as I have my pass… where is my passport…and my wallet?!"

"Safely put away with your phone. Your friends are fine without you, they are adults and they don't need you holding their hands."

"You son of a bi-" He slapped me to the floor before I could finish

"You watch your tone with me, is that clear?"

"Thomas…"

"Is that clear?" he asked again threateningly as he stood looking down at me.

"Yes" I trembled

"Good. Now get out of those clothes, your masseuse will be here in ten minutes!"

* * *

><p>.<p>

**New York City…**

"Before you go in, she's just come out of the anesthesia so she may be a bit groggy – loopy even but don't be alarmed."

"Thank you doctor" David said and paused to send a quick text to Gina before slowly opening the door to Olivia's room and stepping inside. By the time he and Gina had arrived at her apartment, she'd bled so much that the color had all but drained from her; he was thankful to see that it had begun returning.

He stood the by the door wondering if he should bother her, but then, she needed to know that someone was here for her, that she wasn't alone. He was about to take a step when she turned to head to look at him and have a faint smile.

"This is brings back memories" she said weakly

"Oh yeah?" at this moment he was silently giving thanks to everything holy hat she was okay.

"Yeah; me in pain in a hospital bed while you stand around scared shitless" he gave a laugh

"In my defense, you were in the process of giving birth to our children; every first-time father is scared shitless." He said as he approached the bed

"What's the excuse tonight?" she asked groggily as he took her hand in his and kissed it.

"I thought I would lose you" he confessed, all traces of humor gone from his expression as his piercing blue eyes settled on her. "Do you have any idea how scared I was?" he asked as he stood over her and gently caressed her face. For the briefest of moments, she allowed herself to get lost in him and closed her eyes as she leaned in to his touch. When she opened her eyes and looked up at him, she noticed that he was crying, unashamed as his tears flooded his face.

"David…" she whispered as she reached up with a shaky hand and put her hand to his face, wiping his tears.

"I never would have forgiven myself if he had…there's so much I need to make right with you, so much I have to –"

"Don't" she objected as her own eyes filled with tears "I can't handle the 'what ifs' right now."

"Liv"

"You should be with our daughters"

"Our daughters are fine, they were still asleep when I left."

"They slept through a gunshot, how is that even possible?"

"They've always been good sleepers"

"Except those two months after they were born when they were both colicky and wouldn't stop crying…I wanted to throw myself out a window!" she laughed then grimaced and whimpered from the pain in her hip, thankful that David was still holding her hand as she squeezed his.

"Do you want me to get the nurse?" he asked in a panic

"No, no I'm fine, it's not that bad" she insisted and he couldn't help but remember when she was in labor with the twins. She was in transition, writhing and screaming through the contractions while squeezing the life out of his hand but she was determined to have a natural birth so when he offered to get the doctor to administer something to ease the pain, she screamed those same words at him – _it's not that bad!_ And then she began sobbing because they were worse than bad and she wasn't sure how much more she could take.

He laughed at the memory as he looked down at her, gently stroking her hair.

"What?" she asked sleepily, trying hard to keep her eyes open

"I was just thinking back to the night the babies were born…" he said softly "if fell even deeper in love with you watching you grow all those months with our daughters inside you, and all I wanted was to be with you; and up until the day they came I didn't think it was humanly possible to love you more than I already did, but you proved me wrong"

"I wanted you with me" she confessed quietly, her moment of clarity now having faded and leaving her open to being honest about their situation for the first time since they fell apart. "I needed you that whole time"

"Then why did you push me away?"

"Because I was so angry, and hurt when I found out about Gina and I didn't have a right to you anymore"

"You were carrying my babies"

"But you weren't mine anymore" she whispered as tears fell down her face."

"I have always been yours, don't you know that? From the very second I first laid eyes on you, my heart and soul was yours"

"But Gina…"

"I don't love Gina"

"But she loves you"

"But I love 'you'!"

"But you chose her"

"Because you wouldn't have me, but I never stopped loving you and I never stopped wanting to be with you! I swear, you say the word and I will leave tonight, I will get our daughters and I will leave and we can be the family we should have been!"

"I'm so tired…" she sighed. He nodded and kissed her hand that he was still holding before planting a lingering kiss to her forehead. He knew that she had to be exhausted after everything she'd gone through tonight."

"It's ok, you get some sleep, I'm not going anywhere, I'll be right here" he promised

"You need…you need to be with the girls when they wake up; please David" it killed him to have to agree but she was right, they'd wake up in the morning confused and they'd need him.

"Okay. I'll bring them after school, there's a half day tomorrow so…"

"David, I love you!" she said in a whisper with her last ounce of energy and peacefully closed her eyes. those three words grabbed his heart and shook it for dear life and for a moment, he couldn't breathe! He had prayed for years to hear her say those words to him again and it happened.

"This time, I'll be worthy of it" he whispered as he slowly leaned in and kissed her lips. It wasn't greedy or invasive; just soft, sweet, beautiful and quick but full of love. "Goodnight doll." He said before he left her room knowing that she wouldn't remember this conversation when she woke up but he knows now her feelings never left and he would do whatever it took to have her back again!

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Talk to me.**


	13. Flee

**I DIDN'T WANNA WAIT TO GET THIS UPDATE IN SINCE YOU GUYS WHERE SO WORRIED ABOUT AMANDA, SO HERE WE ARE. THANKS TO THOSE OF YOU WHO'VE BEEN REVIEWING, IT MAKES ME SMILE TO HEAR YOUR FEEDBACK. NOT MUCH TO SAY, DICK WOLF OWNS SVU, I OWN THE REST, ENJOY!**

* * *

><p><strong>To Martybaby1313, your last comment made me smile just beyond! Thank you baby!<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**NYC…**

It was just after 8am when Olivia began to stir at the feel of a gentle caress of her cheek. Her eyelids fluttered heavily and she groaned at the stiffness that emanated from every muscle in her body.

"It's okay" she heard his voice say as he stroked her hair. The sound of his voice immediately soothed her and she slowly opened her eyes to see him smiling at her, but unable to hide the worry in his eyes.

"You're here" her throat hurt and her voice was low and raspy after having been strangled last night but still she smiled faintly, so relieved to see his face.

"Where else would I be?" he said, trying to fight the tears that filled his eyes "I got that call last night and I couldn't breathe; I didn't know…then my mind went back to last summer and I…"

"Shhhh… it's over now" she assured him as she reached out to wipe his tears that had fallen. He leaned in to her touch and kissed her palm sweetly "I'm okay"

"I didn't know if I would lose you; we already came so close after…" he stopped himself, knowing what just hearing that name did to her but unable to forget how sick he was with worry the entire time she was missing. That feeling came back all over again last night when he'd been notified of this latest attack.

"You're not getting rid of me that easily" she promised, eliciting a smile from him as his tears continued to fall "Baby…"

"I should be the one comforting you right now"

"You are comforting me; just waking up and seeing your face makes me feel so much better" she said then shifted uncomfortably

"You okay?" he asked the fear back in his voice

"Just sore. I haven't had to kick ass in a long time; that, and I really need to pee!" she laughed softly

"I'll get the nurse" he grinned as he got up. "Do you need anything else?"

"Just you"

"I'll be right back" he said before pausing, then leaning in to catch her lips and kiss her sweetly. "I love you!" he whispered. He'd been a godsend these last two years since they'd been together and she was thankful to have him, more so because after how badly David had broken her heart, she thought that she would never love again but here they were…

"I love you too!" she smiled before kissing him again.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Morocco…**

After spending the morning being pampered by the spa team that Thomas had come out to the house, he then insisted on taking me on a shopping trip - something else that I had no desire for; all I wanted was to go home, to be with my friends and to see Olivia, since Thomas had taken my phone away, I'd had no way to talk to Nick or Fin and had no way of knowing if Liv was alright – the tone in Nick's voice last night didn't sound good. What if they couldn't stop the bleeding? What if she'd bled out? My best friend in the world could be dead and I had no way of knowing one way or the other. But if she were, I'd feel it wouldn't I? I mean, people develop bonds and they know these things; it's like a sixth sense or maybe I was too far away to feel it but she couldn't be gone, this is Olivia, if she'd survived Lewis…

_God Please, _I began to pray _I know that I don't talk to you as much as I should and I'm probably the last person you wanna hear from right now but lord please, PLEASE don't take Liv away from her girls; they need their momma…and so do I, so I am begging you, please let her be okay. I –_

"Angel?"Thomas interrupted "Where did you go just now?" he whispered to me, his hand on the back of my neck as we sat there in the lavish boutique while the salesgirls swarmed us, bringing out garment after luxurious garment, hoping that I would choose to take it with me.

"I was…just saying a prayer for Olivia…Thomas, please, I just need to know if she's alright" I begged, my tone just as hushed. I didn't want to draw attention to our discussion but I could tell that I'd angered Thomas by the way his jaw line suddenly hardened and he applied pressure to his hold on my neck.

"We'll take the green silk" he said to one of the salesgirls "This is exactly the problem; I've cut off your contact but your attention is still divided. Aren't I enough for you Angel?"

"You are; it's just…Olivia is like my family, they all are"

"I thought I was your family"

"You are…"

"Good!" he said before he pulled me to him and greedily claimed my mouth with his. His kiss was hard, consuming and he paid no attention to the moan I gave from the pain in my split, swollen lips, he instead continued to push his tongue past them and I allowed him entry, letting him continue the kiss until he broke for air and I forced a smile.

"I need to use the little girl's room" I said as I pressed my fingers against my lips to slow the throbbing discomfort.

"Go ahead, I have a business call to make anyway." He said. I got up from the lavish settee and made my way out of the showroom

...

I got to the bathroom and quickly ducked inside, locking the door.

_What the hell am I gonna do? He's got my wallet, my passport, identification…my phone. You cannot stay here, Amanda! _I told myself as I paced the bathroom. _I need to get out of here, but where would I go? I'm in a foreign country so even if I did get away, who would help me? it's not like I have friends here, not like I can just…_

"But I can!" I said out loud to myself after an idea hit me. I quickly unlocked the bathroom door and opened it, looking both ways down the hall to make sure that no one was watching me; when I saw that it was clear, I made a dash in the direction opposite the showroom until I found myself facing the door to the stock room. I went inside and made my way through it until I found the door that led outside. After first inspecting it to make sure that I wouldn't trip and alarm, I eased it open and in a slow hurry, made my way outside and through the alley, walking down far enough before turning onto the main street so that I wouldn't be seen by Thomas' driver.

When I finally did emerge onto the main street, i began trying to hail a taxi without drawing attention to myself – a battered blue-eyed blonde would definitely stand out here.

...

**Inside the boutique…**

"Where the hell are you Shannon? This is the third call you haven't answered and you know how I feel about being ignored!" Thomas said before ending the call and pocketing his phone before returning to the showroom, wondering where Amanda was.

"Has my companion not returned?"

"No Mr. Kirkland, would you like for me to check on her?" the tallest of the salesgirls asked

"Give her another moment, she'd probably adjusting her makeup" he said as he took a seat and looked at his watch impatiently.

...

Outside, Amanda had finally gotten a taxi and slipped into the back seat.

"Do you speak English?" she nervously asked the driver

"I do, where can take you?" he asked in his thick Arabic accent, relief washing over Amanda so hard that she began to cry.

"I need help. I don't have money but you can have this" she said as she took the large gold bangle from her wrist and handed it to him "It's solid gold and it's yours, just please"

The driver paused for a moment and looked back at Amanda. He saw the cuts and bruises to her face and the tears in her eyes – this woman was terrified and his heart broke for her.

"No." he refused, giving the bracelet back to her "It's alright, just promise me that you are getting away from whomever hurt you"

Amanda began sobbing and nodded her promise to the man.

"Where would you like to go?" he asked sympathetically.

"The U.S. Embassy" she said shakily.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Looks like our girl hasn't completely lost her smarts! Talk to me.**


	14. Cleanup

**I KNOW, I KNOW, THOMAS IS A SICK FUCK AND EVERYONE HATES HIM BUT SORRY TO SAY THAT HIS SICKNESS IS FAR FROM BEING CURED. IN THE MEANTIME, HERE'S CHAPTER 14, RIGHT WHERE WE LEFT OFF. DICK WOLF OWNS EVERYONE EXCEPT SORRY ASS THOMAS (he belongs to me…) ENJOY.**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**Morocco…**

Thomas was absolutely livid upon discovering that Amanda had somehow gotten away from him. After searching the boutique and berating the salesgirls, he had his driver come around and take him back to the house, hoping that she had found her way there and would be waiting for him.

"Angel?" he called the moment her rushed through the doors "Angel, are you here?" he called again and again as he walked through the many rooms, angered further that he was met with silence every time. He made his way back to the living room, at this point looking as if he was about to suffer an apoplectic fit as he gave one last call.

"Angel, we both know that I do not take well to being toyed with" he said loudly, trying to keep an illusion of calm in his voice from where he stood in the center of the room, still believing that she was somewhere in the house and could hear him.

"So come out from wherever you are and all will be forgiven" he promised and paused, waiting for a response

"Angel…?" still no response

"This is your last chance; don't make this hard on yourself…" nothing but more silence, silence that angered him even further , topping off the fact that he still hadn't heard from Shannon and it drove him to pick up a giant, priceless urn, lifting it over his head and sending it crashing to the marble floor, shattering to pieces while he growled as would a beast in a rage.

After destroying what he'd spent millions to acquire. He stood and took a deep breath as he ran his hand through his hair to put it back in place then wiped his brow with his handkerchief and cleared his throat as he adjusted his necktie then took his phone from his pocket and dialed

…

In New York City, in Olivia's hospital room, her nurse was in the process of changing the wound dressing on her hip.

"It's already starting to heal nicely" the young nurse smiled

"I wish they all did…"Olivia murmured, her mind going to and just as quickly coming back from a terrible place when her phone began ringing. She smiled at the nurse before answering.

"Benson" His rage only escalated when she answered the phone.

_This bitch is alive!_

"Sergeant Benson, hello, Thomas Kirkland here" he'd forced an illusion of genuine concern to be reflected in his tone but something about his voice sent chills through Olivia.

"Uh, what can I do for you?" she asked as the nurse continued working

"Well I'd heard from Amanda that you had been injured during a home invasion and I wanted to personally extend my apologies.

"That's very kind, thank you"

"Please, no thanks necessary. Any friend of my angel…"

"Yeah…well thanks for calling…"

"Olivia, before you go, please tell me that your assailant is in custody, I'd hate to think that he's out there free to harm another poor, defenseless woman"

"I appreciate the concern, but I am not defenseless, I take care f myself just fine"

"Forgive me, I didn't mean to imply…"

"And to answer your question, yes, my assailant is in custody – at the morgue! He came for my life, I took his first! Have _angel _call me when she can!" Olivia said and quickly ended the call.

...

Thomas was white as ghost _I took his first! _Olivia's words echoed in his head. "How is that even possible?" he asked himself out loud "Just what I need!" he sighed angrily before dialing another number.

"Yeah" the male voice on the other end answered

"Shannon screwed up"

"It's all over the news here. What do you want? Should I finish the job?"

"No. it seems I underestimated my target. For now, you clean up the mess, make sure nothing is traced back to me." Thomas ordered

"Done." The man said and hung up.

"Aisha" he called to the house girl who quickly appeared

"Sir?"

"Clean this up!" he ordered then turned and left the house determined to find Amanda and reasoning that she couldn't have gone far.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Hours later, I sat nervously in the Consular's office at the embassy. I told them that I am a police officer in New York City. That I was vacationing here and had been mugged and beaten and that my purse, containing my documents had been stolen as I was on my way to the airport to return home to the US.

They didn't question my story with the fresh cuts and bruises all over my face and immediately went about proving that I was who I said I was, contacting the necessary agencies for confirmation after I was fingerprinted and when everything checked out, I was allowed to call home and the first person I called was Fin.

"Tutuola" he answered, I had never been so happy to hear his voice as I was now.

"Fin, it's Amanda" I said, tying hard to not break down

"Are you okay?" he asked

"I'm…yeah I um…"I said as I wiped the tears from my eyes "Some things happened here and I wasn't able to get home as fast as I wanted to but I'm okay"

'You don't sound okay"

"I've just been emotional sine Nick called this morning…Fin, is everything…is Liv…" I couldn't get the words out

"Liv's fine, better than fine. She took a knife to the leg but surgery went well, doc says she'll be good as new in no time"

My legs gave out as relief washed over me like a tidal wave and I gripped the chair beside me for support as I began to weep.

"Thank you god!" I whispered.

"Amanda, you sure you're alright?" he asked again

"I am now, I promise. Fin, I gotta go but hopefully I'll be home tomorrow so I'll see you all then. I love you guys and tell Liv the same."

"I will, you tomorrow" he said before ending he call. I was given shelter for the night- a night that I spent in fear that Thomas would track me down but he never came. When morning arrived, I would be issued an emergency passport and put on a plane home but even with knowing his, there would be no rest for me until the moment that plane took off and I was safely in the air, out of Thomas' reach.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Hospital New York City…**

"Bye mommy, feel better!" Sophia said as she threw her arms around her mother and hugged her tight

"I already do baby girl!" Olivia said, squeezing her daughters just as tight. "I miss you guys every minute, but I'll be home before you know it okay?" she assured them, trying to hold back her tears.

"Okay…I love you mommy" Aria wept, as she carefully climbed onto Olivia's lap lay her head on her mother's chest after Sophia had jumped down off the bed. Aria was the sensitive one of the two and hadn't managed to stop her tears from the moment they'd arrived an hour ago.

"I love you too sweet girl" Olivia said as she wrapped he arms around Aria and rocked her younger child to soothe her while kissing her head, paying no mind to the pain it caused in her hip

"Big baby!" Sophia teased

"So!" Aria retorted, never moving from her mother's arms, instead snuggling closer.

"Soph…" Olivia began but Sophia quickly got the hint before she could finish

"Sorry Mommy…sorry Aria" The older of the twins apologized to her younger sister.

"It's okay" Aria supposed still snuggled against Olivia "When you come home, no more hospitals okay?" she said to her mother; Olivia smiled then cradled Aria's face in her hands

"I'll do my best" she promised before kissing her daughter one last time. "In the meantime, behave for daddy and Gina"

"We will" Aria promised and hugged Olivia once more before David scooped her up in his arms.

"Why don't you and your sister go wait with uncle Nick and uncle John, I'll be right out" he said as he put Aria down to join Sophia

"Okay daddy. Bye mommy" the girls waved on their way out "Uncle Nick!" they called as the room door shut

"The guy that tried to kill me; he really a cop?" Olivia asked as she looked over at David.

"He was…" David answered.

"I don't understand…why me, why come after me, why break into my home…threaten my children?"

"NYPD is working overtime to find his motive but so far…"

Olivia let out a deep sigh.

"Of course they can't find anything, until last night I'd never even seen the man before. Someone had to put him up to this but who?" she wondered

"Hey, you just focus on getting better and getting home to us, we'll find out who's behind this" David promised.

"Us?" she asked, surprised at his choice of words. He simply nodded

"I'm done living a lie. My attorney is already drawing up the divorce papers…I'm leaving Gina"

"Like hell you are!"

"Olivia, the decision's already been made"

"I hope you're not doing this for me because I already told you…"

"…you're committed to your relationship. Yeah..when do I get to finally meet this guy?"

"When the time is right."

"Time waits for no one; I've learned that the hard way. I want a family with you and our girls and I'm going to make it happen" he promised, fully aware that she had no memory of the things she'd confessed to him last night

"Yeah, well good luck with that" she sneered, eliciting a chuckle from him as he got up and leaned over her.

"This time, I won't give up so easily" he said and kissed her forehead. He wanted to kiss her lips but she was fully alert and he didn't want a repeat slapping of the one she'd given him in her apartment a couple months back. "The girls and I will see you tomorrow" he smiled and left the room.

That innocent little kiss set her skin on fire.

"Damn you Haden!" she sighed and squeezed her eyes shut, taking a few deep breaths to calm her libido. A couple minutes passed before the door again opened and in walked Nick.

"Are you in pain?" he asked

"No, no I'm fine. Come on in" she smiled as he allowed the door to shut and made his way over to the bed.

"How you feeling?" he asked as he took her hand

"Better now" she said, staring up at him. He looked over at the door before he leaned in and planted a soft, sweet kiss on her lips. "You call that a kiss Amaro?" she teased when he pulled away

"I call that 'taking it easy with my girlfriend who's lying injured in a hospital bed'" he grinned as he sat beside her

"Yes, but if I recall correctly, my leg and hip are injured, my mouth is just fine"

"That, it is. Let's try this again" he said as he stood up and softly caressed her face, then, with his hand now resting on the back of her neck, he again leaned in and kissed her, but this time it was passionate, sensual…lingering and she felt it through every inch of her. She readily opened her mouth to accept his tongue when she felt it gently lapping at its' entrance, loving when he kissed her this way – his hands in her hair and going all in as if they were the only two people in the world. They went on this way until they had no choice but to break for air.

"Now _that _was a kiss!" she exclaimed as she licked the taste of him from her lips

"You're beautiful, you know that?"

"Sure, I'm the very picture of pulchritude with my messy ponytail and hospital gown" she grinned

"You could be bald and covered in dirt, you'd still outshine every woman in Manhattan"

"Just Manhattan?" she joked, entwining her fingers with his

"New York…the US…North America…and I'm the man lucky enough to be the one you love" he said as he kissed her hand.

"I'm the lucky one…you've been here through so much; I don't know how you do it" she said, tears in her eyes

"I do; I love you"

"It hasn't been easy, especially after…you haven't been as free to… express yourself physically"

"Baby, our sex life is fine" he assured her

"When we have it once in a while…and when I don't freak out during"

"Liv I don't hold that against you, we've talked about this"

"But I hold it against me! I have the desire; god knows it's hard to think about anything else especially remembering how amazing it used to be for us"

"It's still amazing"

"It's monotonous! What if last night caused a setback that I'm not even aware of yet?"

"Then we'll deal with it"

"But you shouldn't have to"

"I don't mind"

"How can you not? You can't be happy this way!"

"If I weren't happy, would I have bought this?" he asked as he took a small velvet box from his pocket and held it out to her. She froze.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Everybody okay? Good, cuz there's lots more to cme after the break. Meanwhile, talk to me. Comments are free and only take a minute. Later loves!**


	15. Yin and Yang

**HEY GUYS! BACK WITH CHAPTER 15 AND I NOTICED THAT SOME OF YOU HAVE BEEN ASKING ABOUT THOMAS' WIFE, WANTING TO KNOW WHAT HER STORY IS AND HOW SHE FITS IN TO THIS MESS, WELL, THIS IS THE CHAPTER YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR BECAUSE I'M GIVING A LITTLE INSIGHT INTO THAT AREA OF THOMAS' LIFE. AS USUAL, DICK WOLF OWNS THE SVU CHARACTERS BUT OH MY GOD I BET HE'S SOOOOOOO JEALOUS THAT THOMAS ISN'T ONE OF THEM, LMAO! ENJOY!**

* * *

><p><strong>I don't usually with this story but I had to add this reader comment from chapter 14 because it had me in stitches and tears!<strong>

**Aug 19 c14 SouthernBelle843**  
><strong>Ooooo Bensaro Livid: Love Triangle at it's best! And I laughed so hard when she said "I took his first!" And another thing you, KNOW a man is crazy when he purposely breaks an urn he spent millions to buy! Um you got bills you could have paid with that! For the price of that urn I could go to UCLA without scholarship, not be on a ramen noodle budget, fly back and forth whenever I want to South Carolina (my home) in first class, and shop on Rodeo Drive everyday throughout the school year for four years! Rich or not! Dude better get a stress ball! Where's his wife anyway? Does she know his ass is crazier than me trying to open a door after I just put lotion on?! Has Amanda met his wife? Told her his ass is living la vida loco? He es el diablo! This is just what I want to know. Like for real he needs to be shut down!**

Girl, this made my life!

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

"Nick…what did you do?"

"I bought it the second I found out that my transfer was approved two weeks ago"

"We don't have to hide us anymore after next week…"

"Never again and I can't wait to tell the world! Olivia I love you, you're beautiful smart, strong… you're everything I could ever want – you get me; you make me laugh, you motivate me, you inspire me…I'm a better man because of you…"

"No arguments there" she grinned, eliciting a smile from him.

"So…" he said as he got down on one knee and opened the box "Rollins said at least three months salary but if you want bigger…"

"Nick it's perfect!" her eyes were full of tears as she took in the gorgeous ring "but three months salary? That's a lot of money"

"It's not that much"

"I know what you make!…and you say this thing comes with a husband?"

"It does…and I nominate myself as tribute. Marry me Olivia"

"Baby…Yes!"

"No fight?" he asked, quite shocked

"No fight. I know you, you never make decisions lightly and if you chose to propose and take on the mess that is me, I know that this is real and I don't need to think about it or try to change your mind…just remember you're stuck with me" she laughed, happy tears rolling down her face.

"I wouldn't want it any other way" he smiled and slid the 2 carat solitaire on her finger "I love you baby!"

"I love you!" she threw her arms around him and buried her face in the crook of his neck, within seconds he felt hot tears on his skin as she held on even tighter. He reveled at the feel of her in his arms, this was right.

"So who do we tell first, our daughters or our exes?" he asked

"I think under the circumstances, we go with which side will be more mature about it" she wiped her eyes as she pulled back

"Zara and the twins?"

"Zara and the twins!"Olivia agreed.

"I'm gonna make you the happiest woman" he promised

"Why do you think I said yes?" as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her, he couldn't help but feeling that life couldn't be more perfect.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Amanda, next day…**

When morning finally arrived, it was with great apprehension that I left the safety of the embassy and began my trip home. Escorts from the consular's office accompanied me on my trip to the airport in Casablanca and the entire time, my heart was in my feet. I was so afraid of what would happen if Thomas would show up just as afraid as I'd been last night but I'd been able to shake it off and finally sleep after realizing that there was no way he could hurt me inside those walls, but here…

I can imagine that he'd driven himself crazy searching for me once he'd realized that I was gone; he must have been frantic – still is. He must be beside himself with worry wondering if I'm o…

"_Amanda what the hell are you doing?" _ my inner voice began questioning me _"that bastard is the reason you're in this predicament to begin with; how he feels doesn't matter – AT ALL!"_

I knew that it was true but I also knew that in spite of everything, Thomas does love me and maybe if I wouldn't make him so angry all the time…I know that it's no excuse for him to hurt me but maybe it's the only way he knows how to express the pain that I make him feel and right now, I know that this latest stunt I've pulled probably has him at his angriest and if he were to find me right now…I can't even let my mind go there but it's hard to stop it because I'm afraid.

Finally it came time to board my flight and my escorts made sure that I was safely aboard but my stomach was still in knots thinking _what if he's here?_ What if he's waiting for me at Laguardia when my plane lands…no, he can't harm me there. Fin will be there to pick me up and he would never let Thomas hurt me. Maybe that's what I've been doing wrong all along; maybe I should have opened up and told someone when things first began to go south but then, at what cost to Thomas?

…

I arrived back in New York City just after 2pm and I nervously stepped off the plane and made my way through the terminal gate. I kept my head down as I walked, scared that Thomas would be somewhere lurking and that he would find me before…

"You made it!" I heard a warm, familiar voice say and my head quickly shot up and looked in the direction from which it came an I was suddenly overcome with relief. The very second I saw Fin standing there, I couldn't keep my emotions in line and I ran, crying into his arms; never having been so thankful to see someone in my entire life!

"You don't know how happy I am to see you!" I cried into his collar, my arms wrapped so tightly around his neck, I was sure that I must have been causing him pain – or cutting off his air.

"It's okay, you're home now" he said as he reluctantly put his arms around me. Fin was never one to display emotion so I know that the moment had to be a strange on for him but seeing that I was in obvious need of comfort for whatever reason, he didn't hesitate to be that comfort for me and just held me close for a long moment before pulling back and taking my face in his hands.

"Why the tears?" he asked as I slowly looked up at him, having forgotten about the bruises to my face but the look on his quickly reminded me. "What happened to you?" soft and warm Fin suddenly morphed into angry, vengeful Fin who was ready to strike!

"I um…I was mugged in Morocco and they banged me up pretty bad" I lied. "I lost my passport, all of my identification…"

"Manda I'm so sorry" he pulled me close again. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'm still shaken up but I'll be fine…did I tell you how glad I am to see you?"

"You did but I don't mind hearin' it again" I think that was the first time I'd smiled in days. "come on, let's get out of here" he said, keeping his arm protectively around me.

"You can fill me in on what happened with Liv on the way to the hospital"

"You don't wanna go home first? You just had a long flight"

"Not until I see for myself that Liv's okay" I said as we made our way through the terminal. It was true, know that Liv was safe was paramount to everything else right now but even so, home was the last place I wanted to be!

….

The man who had been watching her from the very moment Amanda had gotten off the plane suddenly put his newspaper down as he watched her leave, looking quite cozy in the arms of the man she'd left with.

"Boss won't be too happy about this!" he said while dialing a number into the burner cell phone he used and listened as it rang from the other end.

"Kirkland"

"She's back, I'm watching her; she's leaving the airport as we speak."

"Don't look too hard. Is she alone?"

"Nah, she's with some high-yellow moolie; older cat and they're all close and whatnot, walked outta here in his arms!"

Thomas could feel the blood began to boil in his veins and he struggled to keep a calm demeanor for his cohort.

"When you say close…?"

"Close as in 'yous betta believe that as soon as they get to where they're goin, she's getting speared with that jungle dick!' that uh…_descript_ enough for ya?"

"Wait for my call." Thomas said before hanging up.

Back in his den, he was so incensed that he crushed the glass tumbler in his hand and sliced open his palm in the process but paid no mind as the blood poured onto the desk. He simply sat there in his silent rage, consumed by thoughts of betrayal and revenge to the point that he hadn't even noticed when his wife entered the room.

"You're bleeding" she said dully, sashaying across the room, her $1200 Tom Ford Stilettos clicking against the hardwood floor then dramatically took a seat on the giant leather sofa, picking at her perfectly manicured nails as she crossed her legs in an equally dramatic fashion.

"As if you care…" he seethed, suddenly pulling out of his ominous thoughts as he reached for a handkerchief.

"I don't but that desk is made from very expensive wood…wouldn't want to stain it!"

"You're like a plague! Why won't you just go?"

"Give me what I want and I'll be nothing more than a memory" she said with a mocking smile as she vainly flipped her long, dark hair. After having put up with Thomas' bullying for years, Julia finally found her strength and used his controlling ways against him. She made it her business to find out every aspect of every dirty deed he'd ever done and how she boldly held it over his head and used it all to control him and suddenly, the undying love he once professed for her when he had her under his thumb had vanished.

"If you think that I'm just going to sign over the bulk of my fortune to a money grubbing whore like you…"

"Temper, dear heart…wouldn't want to give me and my attorney even more ammunition to use against you now would we?"

"You and that lawyer of yours are scum!" he seethed as she approached him

"Scum with enough dirt on you to make sure that you never see another free day of your miserable life!" she reminded him then leaned in close. "Face it Tommy boy, you're fucked and I won't afford you the courtesy of lubrication. You are a weak, pitiful and poor excuse of a man!"

"I hate you!"

"That's alright pet, I love me enough for the both of us!" she stood up and straightened her dress "Would you look at that…you've gone and gotten blood on my Dior!"

"You unscrupulous bitch, I could kill you!"

"Yes. I suppose you could" her nonchalance was the thing that angered him most. "But then again, I have that covered as well. Tic Tock silly rabbit." She laughed as she made her exit.

If it were at all possible to put a face to an emotion, Julia Kirkland would be the face for blind hatred. He hated everything about the woman. "How can anyone so beautiful be such an evil bitch?" but as far as he was concerned, her beauty was a lie that hid an ugly, opportunistic heart and just the sight of her made him crazy with rage and sent his mind to very dark places…it was no wonder he hated Olivia so much, she was an exact physical copy of his wife and in being so she reminded him of what he hated most – not being in control.

"But that won't be a problem with my angel…she's nothing like them. I'll reign her in and this time I'll make sure that she understands her place!"

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Y'all pray for Amanda.**


	16. Old Habits

**HERE WE ARE AGAIN… I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I CAN SAY SO WE'LL JUMP RIGHT IN. BUT FIRST, I WANNA THANK DICK WOLF FOR THESE CHARACTERS, FOR WITHOUT HIM I'D PROBABLY BE WRITING ACTUAL BOOKS AND GETTING PAID, SO THANK YOU DICK FOR INSPIRING US FANFIC WRITERS TO BE BROKE…BUT DAMN IT, WE'RE HAPPY! ENJOY!**

* * *

><p><strong>Reader comment<strong>

**Again, this is not something I do with this story but last chapter I ended with "Ya'll pray for Amanda" and Jesus, one of you took it literally - I HAD to share this!**

**SouthernBelle843 chapter 15 . Aug 31**

***bows head* Lord please watch over Amanda Rollins, for she knows not what she goteth herself into. God I pray to you and ask a great favor of you, call up the devil and make him aware that one of his spawns are here on earth terrorizing your children, god. Lord, he's not as bad as Elliot in Tangled Webs but, he is bad enough that he needs to go back to hell where he escaped from in the first place. Jesus, all I'm asking is that you hook Satan up with a barbed wire for Christmas because, it seems like his servants and spawns think hell isn't an eternal afterlife. God, you are my alpha and my omega and if I had enough time I definitely would spell out the Greek alphabet, please don't let Thomas get to Olivia again because I will sprinkle his ass with holy water and deliver his ass from evil. Lord, forgive my mind for the venom in the words I just typed, for it knoweth not what it done. My final request is for this story to get updated quickly (;-P) for Nick and Liv knoweth not what she has done to my anticipation. Amen. Praise Jehovah. **

**My family is full of preachers so…there**

I laughed, I cried, I fell the fuck out! I love you for this, girl!

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Hospital...**

"I'm thinking more along the lines of small…very small" Olivia informed her fiancé. Tired of being in bed, she was trying out crutches and had done a pretty good job of making her way down the hall and back – it was as far as the doctor would allow her to go and now as she made her way back to her room, she and Nick were discussing wedding plans.

"Exactly how small?" Nick asked as he held open the door to the room so that she could come through

"Um..besides us; Fin, Amanda, Don…Melinda your mom and the kids?"

"Wow, when you say small, you're not kiddin around!" he mused as he helped Olivia onto the bed "Easy baby" he reminded as he carefully began propping a pillow under her injured leg.

"Well, of course I'll send and invite to Simon and Tracey…thanks baby" he gladly accepted the kiss she offered him as gratitude for making her comfortable. "…but I'm not sure if they'll make it"

"So…possibly 12 people?" Nick grinned as he sat beside her

"15 if we're counting plus ones"

"And you can't forget..."

"I didn't" she smiled at the thought

"You sure about this? I mean it's your first and hopefully only wedding, do it big"

"When have you ever known me to be frivolous? I figure that instead of dropping 30-40 grand for our wedding, we can use that money to start looking for new place, neither of us have the space for three kids."

"You're really ready for this huh?"

"I said yes didn't I?"

"You did." he smiled as he leaned into her for a sensuous kiss. He pushed her back against the pillows as he pressed against her and she found her hands roaming the expanse of his chest as a moan escaped her mouth while they continued kissing, quickly puling apart when they heard people outside the door and just in time for it to open.

"Up for another visitor?" Fin asked as he ducked his head into the room

"The more the merrier!" Liv smiled, arms outstretched as Amanda walked in to the room.

"We'll give you guys some time" Nick said as Liv and Amanda hugged, winking at Olivia before he and Fin left the room.

"I was so worried about you!" the worry was obvious in Amanda's voice as she took a seat on the bed beside Olivia "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine…though I could ask you the same" Olivia said, alarmed as she touched Amanda's bruised face "What's all this?

"I slipped getting out of the pool…a little too much champagne…"

"Mmm"

"Tell me they caught the sumbitch who did this to you."

"He's um…I shot him"

"Dead?" Olivia simply nodded, still affected by having had to take the man's life. "Tell me he didn't…"

"No; he tried but…"

"Oh my god! Were the twins home…are they alright?"

"They're fine, slept right through it thankfully. They're with their dad and Gina."

"I am so glad you're ok" Amanda cried as she again threw her arms around Olivia. "I can't remember the last time I was so scared!"

"I'm sorry you cut your trip short. Thomas must be pissy about that"

"We broke up…it's a long story"

"Honey I'm sorry" Olivia said in spite of being secretly thrilled. As far as she was concerned, Thomas was a jerk and she was glad that Amanda had gotten away from him.

"Me too but hey, life goes on right?" The blonde supposed. "I just wish it could be a clean break but unfortunately I have to stay in that apartment until I find a place"

"I'd offer you my apartment but it's a crime scene right now"

"I'll be fine. Speakin of, what do they now about the guy who attacked you?"

"Aside from the fact that he was a cop with Jersey PD, nothing!"

"A cop…but that doesn't make any sense, why would a cop do this?"

"That's the question that everyone wants the answer to, yet no one can seem to uncover!"

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Thomas' corporate office…**

"Actually, flying overseas would be an inconvenience for me at the present time…I've got my hands full with reigning in a domestic acquisition" he said as he stared at his iPhone in his palm; looking through several pictures of Amanda that he'd taken during their trip to Spain; pictures that she had to idea even existed since they had been snapped while she was asleep…and stark naked!

...

_He'd woken up beside her one morning in Barcelona with a beautiful breeze coming in through the balcony window, a breeze that as he looked over at Amanda sleeping with her arm raised above her head, blew the thin sheet that covered her and exposed her breast. Thomas couldn't resist, thinking to himself that in this state she encompassed a Boticelli-esque beauty and before he knew it, he had grabbed his phone from the bedside table and began snapping away, even adjusting the sheet to varying degrees of nakedness, continuing to photograph her until he had completely divested her of her covering and she lay before him completely nude._

_After he'd gotten his fill of pictures, he returned his phone to the table and again looked down at her._

"_My very own sleeping beauty" he mused as he lightly bushed the back of his hand across her nipples, eliciting a moan from her as she shifted. This aroused him to no end and moments later Amanda opened her eyes to find him on top of her, his cock buried to the hilt and fucking her in long strokes._

"_Thomas…" she moaned. It wasn't intended, it was simply her body responding to him. He quickly claimed her mouth in a harsh kiss then stared deep into her frightened eyes as he continued to move inside her._

"_Oh my angel…do you know how good you make daddy feel?"_

_..._

"Yes of course…I'll be waiting for your report, if you need him, call Even Jackson, he's in charge of the Japan office." He finished before hanging up just in time to see the doors of his office open and Julia come strutting in, his secretary on her heels.

"Mr. Kirkland I tried to stop her…" his secretary, Eunice apologized, staring nervously at the floor as Thomas stood up from behind his desk.

"It's alright, Eunice, shut the door on your way out."

"Yes sir" she was relieved as she turned to leave, thankful that she hadn't incurred his wrath this time.

"Dear, pick your head up" Julia called to Eunice "He's merely a moron disguising himself as a tyrant!" she said with a smirk upon her face while Eunice looked at her before shutting the door, amazed by her bravery.

"You again!" he sneered as he reclaimed his seat at his desk, trying to ignore how absolutely stunning she was in the skintight crème colored pencil skirt she wore with a matching silk tank top and five inch nude stilettos. Every curve of her incredibly voluptuous body was on display.

"Guess what?"She asked, tossing her oversized beige clutch onto the sofa as she approached his desk.

"Go fuck yourself!" He grumbled

"Are we in a bad mood?" she teased, perching herself on top his desk and flipping her hair that was pulled back into a long ponytail.

"Couldn't find traffic to play in somewhere Julia?" he asked. She ignored him, admiring the stack of solid gold and diamond bangle bracelets that adorned her right arm, then the large gold hop earrings she wore. This further infuriated him.

"I'm sorry did you say something?" Julia asked after a long moment, her big brown eyes smiling when she finally turned to look at him. She knew exactly how to piss him off and silence never failed. He rolled his eyes, waiting for what dribble she would spew next. "You know what? don't tell me, I'm probably not interested" she laughed mockingly

"Why are you here? I'm busy."

"Well, while I was showering after having had the most delicious sex with my Lawyer this morning…by the way, I hope my screams didn't wake you" she grinned "I suddenly had a wonderful idea"

"That you'll get on your broomstick and go back to Witchville?"

"On Tommy, your attempts at humor always did leave something to be desired…anyway, the idea had come in the form of a question and that question asked me why I was being so accommodating to a prick such as yourself."

"Accommodating? You're demanding the bulk of my fortune! Is it not enough that you've already gotten a seat on my board of directors?"

"Oh baby…nothing's ever enough when it comes to revenge" she said innocently with a pout to her perfect lips.

"Why the hell do you need my money anyway, as I recall you had quite enough of your own when you came into this marriage!"

"Of course I don't _need _your money, but I'm not letting you keep it either. Money and possessions are the only things that mean anything to you and so it's the best way to hurt you for all the hell you've given me."

"Was it really so terrible? As your husband it's my duty to assert a certain level of authority"

"Like the times you _asserted_ your "authority" to the point of beating me so violently that I miscarried four pregnancies; the last of which being so severe that I can no longer have children! Yes, it really was so terrible!"

"You exaggerate"

"Yeah…so after asking myself why I've been so accommodating, I've decided that I won't be anymore. I'm giving you thirty days to agree to my terms or I will send everything crashing down around your head"

"I'll flee"

"And you'll still lose once the information I have goes public. Do not fuck with me Thomas!" he sat silent in his chair, his fist gripping the platinum letter opener in his hand as he stared at her neck, focusing on her jugular vein. He wondered how long it would take for her to bleed out if he suddenly sliced it open. He was shocked when, almost as if she were reading his mind…

"You don't have the balls!" she looked him dead in the eye as she said the words; challenging him to do it and continuing to stare him down for a long moment. "That's what I thought!" she sneered before getting off the desk and smoothing her skirt, his eyes flowing over her curves.

"One day…"

"Well now you're just pissing me off, so how about a codicil to the agreement? Each of the thirty days that you keep me waiting will cost you an additional five million dollars!" she informed him as she picked up her purse from the sofa and headed for the door, Thomas' eyes glued to her perfect ass.

"Bitch!" He mumbled. He didn't know what he wanted more; to fuck her or to kill her but since there was no way to do the latter without incriminating himself…maybe he could romance his way back into her good graces."You know…"

"Not if you were the last man on earth!"

_How the fuck does she keep doing that?_

"And I hope to God that your little blonde toy wakes up before things get out of hand. She'll never have the leverage to keep you at bay like I do so she'd better get out while she can!" she said then left the office.

Thomas sat behind his desk absolutely livid! What he wouldn't give to go back to the days when he had the upper hand and Julia was nothing more than a beautiful fuck doll who knew her place and didn't dare step out of it!

"That's the problem with women these days…they all want to be the man!" he seethed venomously "Haven't fucked my own goddamn wife in 4 years!" his phone suddenly rang and brought him out of his thoughts. "What?"

"She's in the apartment" a male voice said.

"Alone?"

"Moolie dropped her off but then he left, didn't go inside. She said she was gonna get some rest"

"Good job. You can go, I'll be in touch."

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Amanda's apartment…**

After sleeping the rest of the afternoon, I woke up sometime after 8pm. Jetlag was kicking my ass and I felt so sluggish but I was starving and with nothing in my fridge but vodka, pickles and bread, it was definitely gonna be a takeout kind of night.

After I ordered the Thai I was craving, I grabbed a shower then called Olivia and we talked for a quite a while before my doorbell rang.

"Having company? Liv asked, having heard the bell.

"Not unless you count the takeout delivery guy as a guest" I laughed, hearing Olivia do the same from her end.

"Well I'll leave you to your dinner. Talk to you tomorrow"

"Goodnight" I said and tossed my new phone onto the couch before going to open the door. "What do I owe…Thomas" I was stunned seeing him standing there.

"I ran into the delivery man in the hall. Mind if I join you angel?" there were a million emotions running through my head at that moment and 999,999 of them where agreeing with each other and screaming at me to slam the damn door in his face but I ignored all that and listened to the one and with my heart threatening to beat its way out of my chest and I could feel icy fear gripping me…

"come in"

* * *

><p>.<p>

**I don't know… I just. Don't. Know! I think Amanda needs and intervention, what say y'all? Reviews are much appreciated.**


	17. Round and Round

**SEVENTEEN! YOU GUYS SEEM TO REALLY LOVE JULIA AND I SEE THAT YOU ALL FELT STRONGLY ABOUT THOMAS REAPPEARING. I TOLD YOU ALL, THINGS GET WORSE BEFORE THEY…WELL NOT THAT I'M PROMISING ANYTH…CHAPTER PICKS UP FROM WHERE IT LEFT OFF DICK WOLF OWNS THE SVU CHARACTERS, ALLOTHERS ARE MY OWN CREATION. ENJOY!**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

As Thomas walked into the apartment and I slowly closed the door, I couldn't help but feeling an overwhelming sense of dread. He hadn't said anything so far that gave me reason for alarm but I knew Thomas, he was angry and he had a gift for hiding his anger until the moment he chose to strike – when it was too late. My feet were frozen place as I fought the rapid pounding of my heartbeat, my head again screaming at me to get the hell out of here. Why don't I ever listen to my first instinct?

"Angel?"

I heard him call affectionately from the living room and I quickly pulled myself together.

"I'm coming" I called back, having to force myself to let go of the doorknob…but I didn't lock the door; just in case.

I made why way into the living room only to find it empty

"In here" I heard him say from the dining room and followed, stepping inside to find him setting out dinner.

"I thought we could eat here" he smiled charmingly as he always did when he was working an angle.

_We? I don't recall inviting you!_

"Yeah…that's fine" I replied solemnly, my arms crossed over my chest and not moving from where I stood at the entryway. "Thomas…what are you doing here? I mean…I didn't expect…"

"I've missed you beautiful. What more reason could there be?"

"Y-you're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad angel?"

"I just assumed with the way…it's not important"

"Tell you what, let's have dinner and then we'll talk about the ugliness afterwards – if that's alright"

...

I don't know why I agreed to eat with him anymore than I know why I let him in the door to begin with but I did, though as hungry as I was, I was suddenly too nervous to eat more than a few bites and mainly just pushed the food around on my plate but he ate heartily as if there were nothing wrong. After dinner, we went back to the living room where he insisted that we should talk; I couldn't believe it when he began apologizing for what happened in Morocco.

"I don't know what gets into me sometimes angel but I love you and I need you to know how sorry I am."

"Thomas…"

"Angel, I am asking that you give me another chance, it's all I want, to be back in your good graces again."

My mind was racing. I didn't want to have to answer him; not with him here, not while we're alone…

"I don't think…"I stopped to take a deep breath "You and me…together is not the best idea right now" it took everything in me just to get the words out. I'm nervous and scared; so much so that at this moment that I feel sick to my stomach. How could I have let things go this far to the point where he affects me this way?

"I don't think I understand" he said with a look of confusion on his face as I stood up and backed a few feet away from him.

"I just…"

_What the hell is wrong with you girl? You've never been afraid of anything or anyone in your entire life so why does he get the honor of bein the first?_

"Just what?" he asked as he stood up and began walking toward me.

_I feel like I'm gonna throw up!_

"After everything that h-happened in Morocco I don't…maybe we should take some time apart…maybe for, maybe for good." I took a step back as he got closer to me.

"Hmm. First you make a fool out of me by running away; do you have any idea how utterly ridiculous I looked when you disappeared? People looking at me as if I were a joke who's unable to keep you in line!" the anger in his voice sliced through me like a knife.

"Please…" I begged

"You embarrass me, anger me, have me worried sick and yet I'm the one who's here apologizing and you, you have the audacity to tell me 'thanks but no thanks'!"

"I don't want this anymore…LOOK AT ME!" I cried "You say you love me but you hurt me; again and again you hurt me. Maybe we got our definitions crossed because when I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see love, this. is not. love!"

"So I'm a liar?"

"I didn't mean…"

"No, I know what you meant, I know _exactly _what you meant!" he spat as he reached for me while I stood terrified but before he could make contact, my stomach let go and I ran to the bathroom with just enough time to avoid throwing up on the floor, heaving violently into the toilet, then again as I gripped the bowl for dear life and my body shook then, just as I lowered the lid and flushed, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand as I sobbed, he entered the bathroom.

"Oh, my angel!" he cooed sympathetically as he got down on the floor and attempted to pull me into his arms even as I tried pushing him away. I had to get this man away from me and out of my life.

"Thomas please, just go" I begged softly

_I can't keep living this way."_

"My angel, you don't mean that" he held me tighter as he brought his mouth over mine"

"I don't want you here" I turned my head to escape his kiss as I pushed him away but he grabbed my jaw hard, painfully and held my face still while he greedily kissed me anyway and I groaned in protest

"I love you my angel" he said as he continued to force his kiss on me, pushing me down until my back was lying against the cold stone tile of the floor then releasing my jaw and using that hand to pin my arms above my head.

"I don't want this" I cried but he paid no mind, just went about putting his hand down my shorts and shoving his fingers inside me. I screamed at the intrusion.

"Who's been inside you?" he demanded angrily

"No one!" I gasped but he added another and pushed them in deeper causing me to cry out again

"Do NOT lie to me!"

"I'm not, I swear…PLEASE!" it was that night in Morocco all over again.

"Good!" he said as he pulled his fingers from me and wrapped his hand around my neck "because you still haven't managed to quite get it through your head; you are MINE! You belong to me and only me! I own your body…I own your heart…I own your soul! Did you really think that I would let you get away from me so easily?"

"I can't breathe!" I cried as I struggled to get his hand off of my throat

"Stop fighting and listen to me and don't you ever make me repeat myself " he began in a tone that sounded so menacing, so dark, if I had closed my eyes, I wouldn't have known that it was Thomas "There is nowhere…NOWHERE in this entire world that you can run from me because I will always find you angel, do you hear me?"

_God don't let him kill me_ I thought as he squeezed tighter and shook my neck, I nodded as best I could.

"Good because I will never let you go" he warned before again claiming my mouth with his kiss then as he still held my arms down, he released my neck and while I coughed, struggling to get sufficient air into my lungs, he began gently caressing my face as he whispered to me:

"Daddy loves his beautiful angel…tell daddy you love him"

I felt sick again

"Tell me…tell daddy that you love him" he asked, his lips now on my neck. He was right; I would never escape him, not with all his resources. Suddenly, a sinking feeling started to creep over me that I would be better off just trying my best to please him, to make him happy because it would be the only way to ensure my own safety. Besides, it's not as if I was lying when I looked at him and tearfully declared that I did love him, even in that moment, yes, I still did, but my fear of him had grown greater; more powerful than my love and I wanted him out of my life, but how?

_Face it honey, the only way out of this is when he decides he's done! _ And I lay there, tears steadily falling while his hands roamed my body; groping, kissing, licking until he pulled off my clothes and fucked me there on the bathroom floor. I didn't fight or resist, I just let him have his way, giving in until he'd gotten his fill and left the apartment.

...

I cried myself to sleep again that night. I knew that there was some way out of this, I could arrest him for assault and battery but he knows too many higher-ups in the legal system, the charges would never stick and I'd only end up making it worse for myself.

_Maybe this life isn't so bad. When he's good to you he goes all the way, just make sure the good keeps coming. _It was my last thought before I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

I woke up t the sound of construction going on outside – no surprise there, in New York City there was always construction going on but this morning I wouldn't deal! It was too early and I was still feeling the effects of my jet lag. I groaned and reached for a pillow, putting it over my head to muffle the noise and hopefully be able to continue my sleep but that plan was shot to shit when I was forced out of bed by a severe bout of nausea that sent me speeding to the bathroom.

After I finally stopped throwing up and pulled myself into and out of a hot shower, it was a little after nine am and my phone began ringing, when I noticed that it was Thomas, I froze but quickly decided that it would be best to answer it.

"Hello"

"Good morning angel"

"Thomas…good morning"

"Did you sleep okay?"

"Yes"

"Good. You'll need to be well rested for tonight"

"Tonight?" I asked. As far as I knew I hadn't agreed to anything

"Yes, we'll be going out. I'm having what you'll be wearing delivered to you, I'm sending the spa team over later this afternoon so if you leave the apartment I expect you back no later than 4:30 and you should be ready by eight. Pablo will be picking you up at precisely that time."

"Anything else?"

"Yes, no panties. I'll see you tonight angel" he said and quickly hung up. I let out a frustrated sigh, determined that I would not cry. I quickly dressed, deciding that I'd go spend some time with Olivia. My stomach was still quite upset as I pulled my hair into a ponytail, but I fought the urge to vomit.

"No more Thai food for you girlie!"

After I finished applying my makeup, I was just about to leave the apartment when my doorbell rang.

"Just a second" I yelled as I made my way to the door, surprised as all hell when I opened it. "Liv?"

"No, afraid not" she said as she let herself in and took off her Chanel sunglasses then perched them on top of her head, I just stared at her in amazement

"Who..are you? This is freaky, you look exactly like my best friend!"

"She must be gorgeous!" the woman mused "And YOU must be my husband's new fool!"

"Your…husband?"

"Thomas…I'm Julia Kirkland, his wife!" she said as she extended her hand to me.

"Liv, if this is your idea of a joke, it's not funny."

"Darling the only joke in this situation is Thomas and judging by your pathetic attempt to cover up those bruises all over your face, I'd say he's already beaten the fear of god into you" she said as she tilted my chin to get a better look. "My god, you're just a baby!" I felt so ashamed.

"Mrs…"

"Julia"

"Julia…why are you here?" I asked, still astounded by how much she looked like Olivia and sickened at the fact that my lover's wife was standing in my living room

"I'm here to help. I can see it in your eyes that you want out of this mess that you've gotten into with that idiot… and I'm here to give it to you!" she said with a smile.

* * *

><p><strong>Whaaaaaaat? Review, tell me what you think about this latest development. <strong>


	18. Gifthorse

**Sorry this update took so long. For anyone still reading, here it is. Dick Wolf owns the SVU characters, I own the others, enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**Olivia's hospital room…**

"Yes, the girls are fine, but they miss their Grandpa Don…" Olivia laughed into the phone at something Don said "I will. Give Eileen my best…you too, bye" it always made her happy to talk to her former Captain and she was all smiles as she hung up the phone. She was reaching for her iPad when there was a curt knock at the door.

"Come on in" she called. The door opened and in walked Gina.

"Good morning" she smiled as she entered

"Gina… this is a nice surprise, what brings you by?" Olivia asked as Gina kissed her cheek.

"The Girls made more get well cards before bed last night and made me promise to bring them to you" she opened her purse and handed Olivia the sparkly cards. "I'm a woman of my word"

"You have no idea how this just made my morning" Olivia said, becoming teary eyed ad she looked over the beautiful creations her little girls poured so much love into. "Thank you"

"No worries. Their father is working late tonight so I'll bring them by after school today. How's the leg?"

"Healing really well…I start therapy on Monday; should be back to chasing bad guys in no time" Gina gave a smile in return to Olivia's before taking a seat in the chair beside her bed.

"That's good, glad you're so enthused."

"Gina; are you okay? You don't…seem like yourself"

"I um…I need to talk to you"

"About…?"

"The girls"

"My girls?! What…are they okay?" Olivia nearly jumped out of her skin, panic quickly setting in."

"No…no, Liv, they're fine I promise I just…David..."

"What about him?"

"He uh…after we got the girl to bed last night…he served me with divorce papers"

"Gina…" Liv uttered, genuinely shocked.

"I'm not surprised. If I'm being completely honest, I'm surprised it hasn't happened sooner. I love David, love him with everything inside of me but I'm not a fool; my husband only has room in his heart for one woman and it's not me" Tears were falling down her face and Olivia felt angry at David for ever having put her in this situation from day one.

"I swear to you, I had nothing to do with…"

"Liv it's okay, I don't blame you…I mean I did a long time ago but only because I was hurting so bad over the fact that you were carrying his babies but I've long since gotten past it. He didn't say it, but I know that he's leaving because he wants another chance with you"

"That can't…I'm happy where I am"

"I'm sure you are but let's be honest; the only reason David came back to me was because he hurt you so bad that you wouldn't have him but don't think for a second that he would have chosen our marriage if you have forgiven him."

"If is a very dangerous word"

"So is denial. And you've been in it for far too long. You love him"

"He's the father of my children, part of me will always…"

"No…pride made you let go, and I get it but I was too busy trying to hold on to him for my own reasons but I won't anymore. He wants to go, I'm letting him go. No anger, no hostility but I just…I need one thing, which is why I'm coming to you because I'm hoping that you can understand."

"I'll do my best" Olivia promised

"Ari and Soph…You're their mother and I respect that one hundred percent and I've never tried to overstep but Liv I love those little girls as if they are mine"

"I know" Olivia said as she reached out to take Gina's hand "and they love you just as much!"

"Whatever happens between David and me…Olivia please, I can't lose them. I can't not have them in my life, it would kill me!"

"Is that what you think?" Olivia asked through her own tears "That I would cut you out of their lives? Or allow David to? Gina you've loved them since they came into this world, you've been the most amazing stepmother to them and they couldn't handle losing you any more than you could handle losing them. I wouldn't hurt my babies that way and I wouldn't hurt you!"

"But if David and I aren't together…"

"It doesn't matter. Children need all the love they can get and I promise you we will make this work"

"Liv, You don't know what this means to me. Thank you!"

"It'll be okay."

"I believe it now. And Liv, I want you to know that if you decide to give him another chance when the divorce goes through…I'm okay with it"

"Gina…"

"I know that you love him and I think that deep own you want him back." Olivia licked her bottom lip while staring down at her own hands in her lap.

"There was a time when having him back was all I wanted in the world." She confessed

"And now?" Gina asked. Olivia paused before raising her eyes to look at her

"Now I'm happy"

That's not what I asked you"

"I know..."

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Amanda's apartment…**

"Look…"

"Julia" She reminded me as she took a seat, crossing her long legs

"Julia; how do I know that this isn't a trick?" I asked, still unable to tear my eyes away from Olivia's doppelganger and thinking how the booties she wore probably cost more than I make in a week.

"You don't; though I do understand your apprehension of the situation. Hell, if my lover's wife showed up on my doorstep offering to help me instead of kicking my bony blonde ass, I'd be suspicious too." she said with a smile. "Nevertheless, you need to trust me"

"Why?"

"Because I'm your only hope"

"I never said I needed help"

"You didn't have to"

"What are you, a mind reader? You got a sixth sense or somethin?"

"No. Just more experience than I care to admit"

"Hmm"

"The man you think Thomas is is not the man that Thomas is. I learned that the hard way and it looks like he's teaching you those exact same lessons."

"You're wrong, I hit my face" I lied.

"Against his fist? Or is he still educating you strictly with the bitch-slap method?" I looked away and tried to pretend that she hadn't hit the nail right on the head.

"He's a monster and you need to get away from him before he completely destroys you"

"I can't talk about this…not to you. You need to leave!" I yelled, fighting hard to quell the insane nausea that threatened to erupt

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, now get out!"

"You're making a mistake"

"Then it's mine to make. I won't badmouth him to you or anybody because you don't understand; none of you understand!"

"Amanda…"

"No, I'm not listening to this anymore. Thomas loves me, he's not perfect but he loves me and you come here, into my home, jealous of what we have and you want to destroy it – I won't let you!"

"You're obviously not thinking clearly"

"And you obviously think I'm stupid! I won't ask you again to leave" I said with a steely resolve, staring at her dead on. Julia sighed and gave a smirk.

"Suit yourself…but if you come to your senses before he beats them out of you…" she took a card from her albino python purse and placed it on the bookshelf, not saying another word and sauntered out of the apartment while I watched her leave, scoffing at the very notion that she'd been bold enough to approach me this way. Funny considering the fact that before she'd come here, I'd been thinking of how I could get out but because of her trying to interfere…Thomas once told me that his wife is an evl woman who does everything she can to make his life miserable; maybe she's why he gets so angry and so possessive – he finally has a good thing and doesn't want to lose it. No, it doesn't excuse the things he's done to me but after meeting Julia I suddenly felt sorry for him. I would get away from Thomas, there were no ties keeping me to him, no reason for me to stay and I certainly didn't need Julia's help.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Why must Amanda be so hardheaded? You know the old saying… **


	19. What She wants

**I always promise that I won't take weeks to update and then…well, weeks pass and I feel all bad and whatnot and I have to come back with apologies. I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry and I really will do better just don't give up on the story. So here's chapter nineteen and it's pretty much Olivia-centric. I know that you guys like the focus to be on Amanda so she is in this chapter but it's pretty much about Olivia and where Amanda is mentioned is setting up the drama with she and Thomas for the next chapter. Hope you guys enjoy. You know the usual disclaimers.**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**The following day…**

"You know, you don't have to go to the hotel. We are officially no longer coworkers, you can stay at my place" Nick smiled as he wrapped his arms around Olivia's waist from behind and nuzzled her neck. Today was the day she finally got released from the hospital and she was eager to get back to her daughters.

"We'll be married and Living together soon enough. Besides, me at your place means the girls at their dad's and after being away from them for almost a week, I don't wanna spend another night without them."

"Babe, you don't have to explain" he smiled and went in for another kiss

"David will be here any minute with the girls, you're gonna out us before we have a chance to tell them" she grinned then bit her lip. The feel of his on her neck was quickly affecting other areas and she had to stifle a moan as she turned her head to catch his lips with hers and kissed him.

"Then quit kissing me" he grinned

"Easier said than done, Amaro!" she turned her body around to face him as she deepened the kiss.

"Your lips taste good…"

"Because they're tasting you!" she gave him a quick peck. Just then, his phone went off and he took it from his pocket to answer

"Amaro…wait, what? Alright…yeah, on my way!"

"Duty calls?"

"I'm sorry mami" he kissed her sweetly one last time and helped her settle onto the bed "I'll call you the second I'm able"

"You better"

"Te amo!" he said with a kiss

"Me too…get outta here" she smiled.

The door had just closed behind him when a video call came through on her iPad. She quickly connected upon seeing who it was "Hey stranger!"

"Hey yourself! You sound…chipper"

"That's because I get to leave this place today and be with my babies!" she gushed gleefully

"Awww, there's that look I love" he teased

"What look?"

"That look that you always get when you're high on mommy feels…how are my beautiful goddaughters?"

"Amazing as always. We miss you, you know." there was a hint of sadness in her voice

"I miss you guys too. Liv I'm so sorry I couldn't get away to be there with you…hectic doesn't even begin to describe my life right now."

"It's okay, Nick's taking good care of me"

"He's a good guy that Amaro"

"Elliot Stabler, are you giving my fiancé your seal of approval?" she teased, not realizing her slip

"I'm just as shocked as you are – wait, fiancé?" she paused to mentally kick herself "Olivia?" after a sigh and a smile that she couldn't stop from spreading across her face, she looked at him again.

"He um…he proposed…and I said yes!" she was absolutely beaming

"Liv!" Elliot exclaimed. He was completely overjoyed at the news

"I know, can you believe it?"

"You'll be an amazing wife…you're already an incredible mom."

"Stop…"

"You are; learn to take a compliment, will ya?" he smiled when she laughed softly. "So…you guys gonna be adding to the brood?"

"Not really planning on it but not planning against it…if it happens, it happens."

"And when's the big day?"

"Undecided, but I promise you'll be the first to know. I just hope you can make it"

"You kidding me? I was there for the kids births, there is no way I'm gonna miss your wedding, if I do who's gonna give away the bride?"

"El…" she bit her lip trying to stop the tears that quickly filled her eyes

"I mean it Liv. You're my best friend, your big moments are my big moments; I'll be there, you just name the time and place." She was too overcome with emotion to speak and simply nodded her head. "Are you crying?" he teased

"NO!"

"Uh huh." He laughed "I wish I didn't have to, but I gotta go. Take care of yourself and hopefully I'll see you soon."

"I will. Bye El" she gave a curt wave before ending the call.

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**Atlantic City...**

I groaned and slowly began to open my eyes to the pain of a raging hangover; It should be illegal for anyone to drink as much as I did last night – all night, but I needed something to blur the things I'd let Thomas convince me to do and so I more than eagerly drank everything I could get my hands on until I felt no pain, no shame and willingly did every disgusting thing he'd demanded of me.

Last night Thomas had the task of entertaining four of his business associates from overseas and decided on a private party in his suite at his casino. Nine other women who were there to cater to the needs of said associates and what they wanted was hardcore girl on girl action. The women eagerly complied with the requests made of them as I sat watching beside Thomas and after a while, I noticed one of the men lean over and whisper something in Thomas' ears to which Thomas nodded and smiled before turning to me.

"He wants to see you with the girls"

"I…one or two would be alright I guess…" I agreed

"They want all of them" he said, leaving no room to have me think that this was up for debate.

"In what way?" I asked, dreading the answer. Thomas turned to his associate and they again began whispering in Japanese. Thomas nodding with a smile on his face as if he were very interested in whatever the man was saying and I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat, waiting to hear what would be asked of me when in reality, I should have hauled ass out of there!

"All you need to do is lie there and let the other girls…service you" he saw the hesitation in my eyes and smiled to give reassurance while his eyes told me that there would be consequences – dire ones if I embarrassed him in front of his associates and I shuddered. _How bad could it be? _I asked myself and like a fool, I gave in.

Huge mistake! I basically agreed to an all girl… I was the target. Is it possible to enjoy and yet be disgusted by one's own actions all at the same time? Because this was the exact problem that I faced while engaging in the filthiest sex I'd ever had even though I knew that the enjoyment only came from being drunk off my ass the entire time!

After a long night, Thomas' associates retired to their own suites, taking seven of the girls with them and leaving two of them with Thomas and me and the four of us carried on until I passed out. Now, waking up in this bed littered with naked bodies, pain began to register and all the liquor that I'd consumed last night began talking back. Before I knew it, I was in the bathroom regretting last night and throwing up my insides while I gripped the toilet bowl for dear life, swearing in between heaves to everything holy that I would never drink again!

* * *

><p>.<p>

Much later that afternoon at the hotel, Olivia, David and the children were gathered in the posh living room of the luxury suite having just finished watching a movie.

"Can we watch it again before bed, Mommy?" Sophia asked

"We'll see. In the meantime, why don't you guys go and play in your room while I talk to Daddy"

"Okay" the girls said in unison and got up from the floor, both wrapping their arms around their mother and she held them both tightly.

"I'm glad you're all better mommy" Aria said before kissing Olivia's cheek

"Me too baby" she smiled

"I'm glad too, Mommy" Sophia agreed

"I love you both. I'll be in soon"

"Okay" they cried happily as they ran off to their room. Within seconds she heard the sounds of their playful laughter and she breathed a sigh of contentment, it as music to her ears.

"Did I do something wrong?" David asked as he took a seat beside her, lifting her injured led and placing it across his lap.

"I just…when were you gonna tell me that your served Gina with divorce papers?"

"I told you I would…how did you know I did?"

"She came by to see me yesterday, we had a nice talk"

"She shouldn't have done that."

"She absolutely should have; David, this isn't just about the state of your marriage, this affects our girls"

"I'm not a complete idiot, Olivia; I do realize that they've grown an attachment to their stepmother"

"An attachment? David they love her!"

"Baby, they're six, they'll love something else in a week" he said dismissively

"Okay first off, DO NOT call me baby!" she said as she took her leg from his lap "And second, if you're even thinking what I think you're thinking, you and I will have a very serious problem on our hands!"

"Liv…"

"David we are not cutting her out of their lives"

"I say a clean break is the best option"

Olivia stared quizzically at him for a moment before reaching out and slapping him upside the back of his head

"Ow!"

"Are you insane?!" she yelled quietly "We are not going to just tear them away from someone they love for the sake of what you perceive as convenience!"

"What are we supposed to do, share custody with her? You're being ridiculous!"

"She's been a second mother to them their entire lives! In spite of what we did, in spite of how they came to be, she chose to love our daughters and she does, wholeheartedly…aside from you and I, nobody in the world loves them more!"

"So what are you suggesting?"

"I don't know but we have to figure something out"

"You figure it out; I've wasted enough time on that woman already. She's not contesting the divorce thank god, because I'm ready to move on…or rather back to where I should have been all along!" he said as he moved closer.

"David don't"

"Liv, I love you!" his large hand caressed her cheek as he said the words

"And I've moved on…" She reminded him, pulling his hand away from her face "it took me a long time to learn to trust again after you but it was worth it"

"He's not me"

"No, he's not. But he's a good man and he loves me." David moved even closer to Olivia until his face was just inches from hers,…

"But he doesn't make you feel the way I make you feel" he said in a low, raspy whisper, his intense blue eyes looking deep into hers. She suddenly felt flushed. She tried to focus, on something…anything other than the man in front of her and she forced herself to concentrate on the sound of their daughters playing in the bedroom.

"He's a different man, it's a different relationship…of course it doesn't feel the same"

"Or as much"

"You don't know what you're talking abo-" before she could finish, his lips were on hers, kissing her slowly…sweetly and while her heart began to race right along with her mind, she knew that she had to stop this but goddamn it if her nipples weren't throbbing painfully hard against his chest as he pulled her closer and deepened his kiss. She had no idea why she threw her arms around him, or why she didn't resist when he slowly began pushing her down so that he was now hovering over her while propped up on his knee, the other foot on the floor while he unzipped her pants, or why she opened her lips wider to give this tongue room to enter her mouth or why, for the love of god didn't she do something more than arch her back and moan when she felt his fingertips slip into her panties and begin rubbing her clit; though she did at least have the decency t be embarrassed at the fact that she was already absolutely drenched by the time his fingers arrived.

"David...!" she whimpered as quietly as she could "Please…!" she cried through hitched breath, bucking her hips against his hand and mentally cursing herself whilst doing so.

"Say it!" he demanded

"David please…please, the girls are in the next room…" she arched her back even higher when he slid his middle and ring finger inside her and continued stroking her clit with his thumb.

"Then you better say it quick, we'd have a lot of explaining to do if they walked in on us like this" he grinned smugly

"I can't tell you… oh my god…I can't tell you what isn't true!"

"if it weren't true, you'd have kicked my ass the second I tried kissing you instead of grinding against my fingers and desperate to come while they're buried inside you. I wanna hear you say it."

She knew that to admit her love for him…

"If I remember correctly…" he said as he began to wiggle his fingers around inside her "Your spot should be right about…HERE!" he smiled when he found what he was looking for and pressed his fingers against it. Her eyes shot open and she bit her lip, gripping his wrist hard when he began moving his fingers quickly back and forth, furiously rubbing her spot.

"Oh god, this isn't right David please...please stop…please, please stop!" she begged as she continued to buck against his fingers. She wanted this so bad and he knew it! He knew he had her and he knew that she was seconds away from erupting but she'd asked him to stop and without hesitation he stilled his hand and withdrew his fingers, backing away from her and instinctually popping his fingers into his mouth as he took a seat at the far end of the couch. She gave him a dirty look as she adjusted her clothes.

"I'm sorry." he apologized and reached for a napkin from the room service cart.

"I shouldn't have let it go so far…thank you…for stopping"

"You don't have to thank me for doing what you asked of me…even if you didn't mean it" he grinned.

"Still an arrogant bastard" she smiled

"The very same on you fell in love with…"

"Yeah. You should probably go."

"I think that would be a good idea right now" he agreed as he headed for the door.

"Aren't you gonna say goodbye to the girls?"

"I'll see them later"

"What?"

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, I moved out. I'm staying in one of the executive suites down the hall until I find a place" he winked and smiled before leaving her suite.

"Son of a…" she couldn't help but grin as she plopped down against the cushions on the sofa and ran her hands through her hair then growled in frustration at the fact that she pretty much just cheated on Nick!

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Lots more Amanda next chapter…and Julia because she's a riot! What did you guys think about Elliot? So his thing is, he did leave SVU after Jenna's shooting abut he didn't disappear from Olivia's life. Will Nick find out what happened between Liv and David? Do we want him to? K, later y'all, please show me some love with a quick review and please no twitter spoilers.**


	20. Pandora's Box

**NOT GONNA TAKE TOO MUCH TIME WITH THE INTRO, JUST QUICK APOLOGIES FOR THE WAIT. WE PICK UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF, DICK WOLF OWNS WHAT'S HIS,I OWN WHAT'S MINE. ENJOY.**

* * *

><p><span><strong>Reader comments<strong>

**Lauren chapter 19 . Nov 13**

Oh my word, so much going on here... WOW! But Liv and El. My heart skipped a beat!

.

****SouthernBelle843 chapter 19 . Nov 3****

AaahhhhhhI dunno that just felt right! ANYWAY! Idk who I'm rooting for. Bensaro? Livid? Who knows! Let the best man win! And as for Elliot, thank cheese and rice he's a good guy this time. A burden just flew out my window because we already have Thomas. But, seriously tho… Nick might just need to punch Hayden's head lights out... That wasn't cool

.

**Bobbie23chapter 19 . Nov 3**

My hands punched the sky when you brought Elliot in. Loved that bit. He's giving her away and approves of Nick? Yay. I think Olivia needs to put David straight about Nick and the engagement, I can understand how she's confused because he's the father of her children. My despair for Amanda is growing and I hope Julia 'rescues' her, maiming Thomas in the process.

.

**LaceNLeather24 chapter 19 . Nov 3**

I couldn't even finish the rest of this chapter because now I dislike David even more. He is such an ass hole, where in the hell does he get off talking about the who chose to remain his wife (a fool if you ask me) and come to love his children he had after cheating on her. Fuck him! And please please please don't let Olivia give up Nick just for another chance with David! I don't think I could forgive you if that happens. LOL I never wanted to read this story because I am not an Amanda fan, but when the alert came in my inbox I took a peek. And wow I love this story. Also why in the hell does Julia look like Olivia? What is that about? Can't wait for the next chapter now!

* * *

><p><p>

**A/N I'm glad that you guys are glad to see Elliot. LaceNLeather24, thanks for being such a sweetheart.**

**.**

**Olivia's hotel suite…**

Just after seven pm the girls had completely tired themselves out and were now fast asleep in their beds. Now at 8, she lay soaking in a bubble bath, the days event's replaying in her mind

_If I remember correctly, your spot should be right…HERE!_

"Son of a bitch!" she murmured, though even she couldn't deny how amazing his hands felt on her…in her; hard to believe that after seven years he still knew exactly how to make her crumble but even harder to believe that she'd allowed him to touch her in that way so easily when ever since Lewis, intimacy with Nick has been a struggle.

"You can't let it happen again!" she scolded herself "Nick loves you, you love him…"

Almost as if he were reading her mind, her phone rang and she quickly picked it up, looking at the display to see that it was Nick.

"You're not overdoing are you?" he asked the second she picked up

"No, I'm taking it easy . The girls are fast asleep and I'm enjoying a nice hot bath"

"Oh god, don't do that!" he groaned

"Do what?" she grinned

"Have me imagining you naked, wet and covered in bubbles when I'm stuck at work"

"Sorry baby" she said with mock sympathy

"Me too…what I wouldn't give to be in that tub with you right now"

"Now who's the one teasing? You gonna be much longer?"

"I should be able to get outta here in an hour. "

"Why don't you come over, I wanna talk to you about something."

"I'll be there by ten, everything ok?"

"Yeah, I just…I miss you; have you eaten?"

"No time"

I'll take care of it. I love you"

"I love you too baby"

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Thomas' Penthouse…**

"I'll move the money and get back to you" Thomas said into his cell phone. He sat in his massive home office sipping Gin when he heard the familiar clicking of stilettos on the inlaid marble floor and his gut tied itself in a knot.

"I hope you're not moving that money from the offshore account…" Julia said upon entering, impeccably attired in black skintight tuxedo pants and jacket under which she wore no shirt or bra, proudly showing off her magnificent cleavage, her hair parted down the middle and hanging in loose curls around her shoulders

"What the hell are you going on about now, Julia?"

"Right, because you have no clue about the seven foreign bank accounts you have nestled away."

"How did you…?"

"Oh spare me! I just wanted to tell you that I'm no longer pursuing half your fortune…well, the cash half" she said as she took a seat atop his desk

"Why, you want more?" he asked as she absently trailed her fingers from her ear, down her neck and let them rest at the valley between her breasts. he tried with all his might to not notice but he was but a man and with an insanely beautiful woman sitting in from of him…god, he wanted nothing more than throw her down, pin her to that desk and fuck her until her lower extremities went numb!

"Nope, already got it!" she announced.

"What does that even mean?"

"What it means, hubby…" she began as she swung her legs around to the other side of the desk so that she straddled him, her Chanel-clad feet resting on the arms of his chair. She took hold of his necktie and wrapped it around her finger then gripped it with her fist, pulling him close so that he would hear her loud and clear

"…is that I have taken the liberty of draining every last one of your offshore accounts" she said with a smug grin as she pressed her foot into his crotch all while his face went completely ashen

"Y-you did what?"

"You heard me, drained…all of them…for every penny! Hundreds of millions of dollars; go ahead, check, all gone; and the best part? Wait for it... I gave it all away to charity" she laughed "Every. Single. Penny. Do you love it?"

He quickly grabbed her by the throat and pushed her down onto the desk as he sprang from his chair,

"You stupid fucking whore!" he yelled. Julia didn't bat an eyelash

"I'm sorry, is this supposed to frighten me? That holiday in St. Barth, now THAT was frightening. You beat me so badly, you broke my clavicle and my neck; fractured my C-6… you remember that? I was in a halo for three months while it healed and you told everyone that I was on an extended vacation in Europe." she quickly grabbed the letter opener from the desk and jammed it under his ribcage before he even saw it coming. "Now get your goddamn hands off me or so help me I will ruin my Stella McCartney with your blood when I slice you open!"

He stood looking down at her for a moment with his hands still firmly around her neck. Staring him down, she began slowly pushing the letter opener through his flesh, an inch of it having disappeared inside him, blood now running down his shirt

"I am not. Fucking. Kidding!" there was absolute ice in her voice. He released his hold on her and she pulled the instrument from him, dropping it carelessly then proceeding to fix her hair.

"You're crazy!" he declared, pressing his hand to his side

"Oh don't be such a baby, you brought it upon yourself. I come here to offer an olive branch and I get choked for the effort? Last time I do you any favors!" she said as she hopped down off the desk and straightened the bowtie on her neck.

"You are the most unscrupulous bitch…"

"Might serve you better to stay calm while you're bleeding…and uh, you may want to see a doctor, I think it needs stitches."

"So help me god..."

"God hates you too. You know, being extremely generous to the less-fortunate makes me feel like celebrating, don't wait up!" she waved as she tossed her hair and walked out the door.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Amanda's apartment…**

I've literally been sick to my stomach ever since I woke up this morning; this is officially the worst I've ever felt after a night of drinking, not to mention the fact that every inch of my body is aching, Down below feels like a truck ran through me, and everything else…two hot baths and still no relief which is why I'm currently lying on my couch in nothing but an old, threadbare, oversized t-shirt; the thought of anything else, even underwear touching my body seeming like an invitation for torture. I don't know how I let Thomas make me do the things he makes me do. Sometimes I feel as if I have zero power when it comes to Thomas, as if he's in control of my life instead of me and I don't know how I let it happen. What I do know is that I want out. I desperately, absolutely want out and I have no clue how I'm supposed to make that happen.

Maybe I was too quick in dismissing Julia but then again, I don't know the woman from a can of paint and she IS Thomas's wife! How do I even know that she isn't setting me up for some kind of sick revenge for sleeping with him? You can never know what's in a woman's heart, especially when that woman's been done wrong by someone she loves.

I debated whether or not I should talk to Liv about this – the whole Julia thing but then to bring it up would open up a whole other conversation about Thomas and me that I'm simply not ready to have. How do I tell my best friend that the very man she warned me about is…I don't even know how to label what he is but I do know that he's not good for me and I need to break free of him; I don't know, maybe going to Liv is exactly what I need to do.

"Or, you could just suck it up, put on your big girl panties and tell him it's over, no if's ands or buts!" I said out loud to myself, and I was right, I decided as I grabbed my cell ready to dial his but just as I began to punch in the numbers, I heard the locks on my front door turn and before I could sit up o the couch, Thomas had entered the apartment.

"Angel, are you home?"

_Fuck!_

"In here" I answered, feeling suddenly nervous. Thomas came walking into the living room and took a seat beside me.

"You haven't called all day Angel" he said as he leaned in and planted a lingering kiss on my cheek

"I've been tired, Thomas."

"Too tired to make sure I know where you are?"

I've been home. All day. Happy?" There was more annoyance in my voice than I'd intended

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…I was actually just about to call you when you walked in the door. I was just a bit surprised that you didn't call first"

"Should I have?"

"No, I just meant…"

"Is there someone here, Angel? Is that why you failed to call, you've been here screwing someone?" he asked as he stood up

"What? I…no!"

"Don't lie to me" he warned as he snatched me by the arm

"I'm not! " I yelled as I yanked my arm from his grasp and stood up "or are you forgetting that I spent literally the entire night last night being fucked into oblivion for the sake of pleasing your colleagues so that you could seal a business deal? Do you have any idea how much my body hurts after all that?"

"I never once heard you complain"

"Maybe that's because I liked it but I don't like the way I feel today. The last thing on my mind is sex and you come in here and accuse me of cheating? Your wife is right…" I was feeling bold but I realized the very second the part about his wife left my mouth that I'd just made a terrible slip.

"What did you just say?"

"Nothing, I…"

"How do you know Julia?"

"I don't."

"Then?..."

"She…came by"

"Here? Why?"

"She said she wanted to meet the woman who was screwing her husband." Which was partially true "But I find it odd that you failed to mention that your wife is a dead-ringer for Olivia."

"I never mentioned it because I don't see how it's important. People look alike all the time"

"Yes but your wife, who you hate is identical to my best friend who you hate just as much and now I'm wondering if maybe one isn't because of the other."

"Oh and you're going to shrink me now, is that it?"

"I didn't say…"

"I hate my wife because she's a cold, manipulative bitch. I hate Olivia because she's a nosy, manipulative bitch"

"That's not true, you don't even know her!"

"I know that she wants you away from me; hell, I wouldn't be surprised if the two of them are working together and while we're on the topic of conspiracy, what else did you and my dear wife talk about?"

"Nothing…"

"You said she was right; right about what?" he asked, inching closer to me as I backed away, the boldness I'd felt slowly slipping away and suddenly becoming very aware of exactly how undressed I was; what if I needed to run?

"About nothing"

"What did you tell her, hm?"

"I didn't tell her anything" I felt like I needed to throw up all of a sudden

"Then what was she right about?"

"Nothing, I just... Ow!" I cried as he grabbed a fist full of my hair and pulled my head back, hard.

"You just what? I hate being lied to, angel, you know this above all else…"

"Thomas please, I'm not lying!"

"I don't care what she said to you, or what she promised you; you are mine, you are forever mine and I will never let you go, do you understand that?"

"Yes"

"Good. Now I think you need to be properly disciplined for consorting with the enemy" he said as he yanked my hair even harder, pulling me toward him and bent me over the back of the sofa

"What the hell are you doing?" I cried in protest

"Take your punishment like a big girl Angel"

"What…" before I could get another word out, I felt the terrible sting of his palm against my bare bottom as he hit me as hard as he could while holding me in place by my hair; an agonized cry escaping my throat. Two seconds hadn't passed before his hand came down again even harder, then again and again as I cried and begged him to stop.

* * *

><p><strong>Olivia's hotel…<strong>

Nick stood in the hotel lobby waiting on the elevator heading up to Olivia's suite. The car had just arrived when David wandered along staring down at his phone as he sent off a text to Olivia.

_[want some company?]_

The doors opened and Nick stepped into the car, not having seen David since his back was to him. The doors were just starting to close when David stepped on, head down as he was preoccupied with his phone that had just alerted him to an incoming message

_[from you? I'll pass] _Olivia answered curtly, making David grin as he began typing out another message

"12 please" he asked of Nick in regards to the floor he was heading to

_[you liked my company very much, earlier]_

"David, hey." Nick greeted awkwardly as the doors shut. How the hell would he explain being here this late?

"Nick. Hey, uh…what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing.

"Me and the wife…I moved out and I figured, what's the point in owning a luxury hotel if I can't make use of it, right?" his phone vibrated again

_[fucker] _

"So you and Liv on the same floor huh?" Nick asked, suddenly apprehensive about why Olivia needed to talk to him tonight.

_[I was hoping we could finish what we started earlier]_ David quickly typed and hit 'send'

"I'm down the hall but, yeah, I guess we are. You…got a work thing you need to talk to her about?"

"Somethin like that" Nick smiled nervouslyy as the elevator continued its ascension, a move that didn't go unnoticed by David who felt jealous as suddenly the pieces fit and it all made sense. Nick was the significant other.

_[earlier was wrong. you were out of line. not happening again. stop texting.]_

"It's you isn't it?" David asked as he put his phone in his pocket.

"I don't…what do you…what's me?" Nick was completely caught off guard

"Don't bullshit me Amaro; you're him, the guy she's always talking about.

"She talks about me?" Nick was unable to keep the smile off his face

"So, it's true?" David could feel his pride crumbling and tried his best to appear unfazed by this revelation but they truth was, it hurt. The last two years he thought the whole boyfriend thing was just Olivia's way of keeping him at bay.

"Look, we were gonna tell everybody, it was just a matter of waiting on my transfer to another department. I mean, you're okay with it?"

"Yeah, I mean…yeah…not that you need my approval"

"No, but I respect you as the twins' dad; Liv would be the same if Zara's mom were still around. Anyway, you have a good night" Nick said as the doors opened.

"Yeah, you too." David said dismissively as both men stepped off and headed down opposite ends of the hall.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Amanda's apartment…**

She sat on the sofa nervously pulling a long drag from her cigarette as she held it to her lips with trembling fingers, her mind in total disarray, the details a complete blur except for one…

"911, what's your emergency?" the chipper-sounding operator asked.

"My boyfriend needs help… I just shot him." Amanda answered blankly as tears trailed her face. Her trembling hand perched the cigarette on the ashtray as she looked over at Thomas who lay face-down on the floor, alive but barely breathing as blood poured from a wound in his stomach.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Rollins… girl, what did you do? And this whole David/Nick/Olivia thing… it might get more complicated. See you guys next chapter and remember, no twitter spoilers.**


	21. Reaching Out

**Chapter 21, yes yes yall! So I see you guys are still reacting strongly to douche Thomas and I love it that a figment of my own imagination can incite such emotion. You'll notice that though we begin with Amanda, I didn't do the usual first person narrative in the beginning mainly because we started on Tucker's observations so I just kept going. Not much else to say. Dick Wolf owns the SVU people, I own the rest. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><span><strong>Reader comments<strong>

Bobbie23 chapter 20 . Dec 12

Oh hell...I'm just disappointed we didn't get to read how she shot him. I hope she doesn't feel guilty for it and go back to him. I can imagine David causing some trouble for Olivia and Nick - can imagine him being quite vindictive especially if he realises Olivia is with a hotter, nicer man than him. **Team Nick, huh?**

Britkneerose chapter 20 . Dec 12

OH dear lord the Triangle. I like David but i don't. He's such an ass. I'm not really a Bensaro shipper but it's kinda cute in this story. I like Gina she's pretty chill. Julia OMG love her! Thomas is a complete asshole and I'm glad Amanda shot him I hope that son of a bitch dies! She deserves better. **Yes, but does better come?**

Saradawn723 chapter 20 . Dec 11

Yasss! She shot the bastard! Finally! Hope he dies, but something tells me were not done with him yet. Can she please go to Liv now? Needs to happen. And gahh I'm rooting for David because well he's all wrong and I have poor judgement. **Still laughing so hard at this!**

FayeVDM chapter 20 . Dec 9

OMG. SHE PUT ON HER BIG GIRL PANTIES AND SHOT HIM! He sooooooo deserves it. Thomas had a really bad day, first Julia then Amanda. Let's hear it for the girls! Loved this chapter! **Thanks.**

* * *

><p><strong>***MAJOR smut alert!***<strong>

**Hospital…**

"And you're sure there isn't more you need to say?" Lieutenant Tucker asked a shaken Rollins while looking at her sympathetically. Though she'd tried to obscure them by throwing a scarf on her neck Tucker had seen the handprints that marred her skin there in addition to the fading bruises on her face; he could only imagine what she was covering up with the jacket she suspiciously wore on this incredibly warm night.

"No, I'm…there's nothing." She said nervously, unable to even look the superior officer in the eye.

"Detective… if you were defending yourself…"

"I told you, it was just an accident" she lied. Tucker knew that there was more but if Rollins was reluctant to say then he was in no position to force it out of her and so with his own reluctance he stopped pushing.

"Okay. That's all we need for now." He said as he turned to leave

"Lieutenant…" Tucker immediately stopped and turned to look at Amanda "My uh…nobody from my unit knows about this, I…"

"It's late detective; tomorrow morning's another story and your acting CO will be informed accordingly" he said before walking away. When he was out of sight Amanda let out a sigh of relief. She would deal with her acting commander, as long as she didn't have to face Olivia just yet and was suddenly thankful that she'd be out at least another two weeks even though she hated the circumstances that put her on leave. Even still, she wished more than anything that she could call her best friend, she needed her right now more than ever.

She'd just lied to IAB about the circumstances involving the shooting. While it had been an accident, it hadn't been as cut and dry as she'd made it seem to Tucker. She didn't tell him about the spanking or how after Thomas was done he'd held he in that same position while he'd fucked her, then afterwards he'd further berated and then choked and beat her and that she'd only grabbed her gun to scare him and make him leave. He'd hurt her again and she just wanted it to stop, she'd just wanted all of this to stop, for him to go away for her life to go back to the way it was before him; she never thought that he would grab the gun, so convinced that she _"Didn't have the nerve" _to pull the trigger. How he'd tried to take it from her trembling hands but she wouldn't let go because she knew that if she did, she would more than likely end up having Thomas beat the living daylights out of her even worse than he'd already had for attempting to threaten him and she couldn't let that happen. She just wanted him to leave but in the midst of their struggle, the gun went off and before she knew what had happened, she was on the floor bleeding.

She took a deep breath and exhaled as she ran her hands through her hair and tears once again filled her eyes and ran down her cheeks. She couldn't understand why she was still so nauseas, she didn't need to be feeling sick on top of everything else. Her nerves were already shot to hell…that had to be it, what was causing her stomach to rebel against her; nerves. Still, what would happen when Thomas woke up? What if he told the police that she shot him on purpose, then what?

"I need help!" she said out loud to herself "But who?" she wondered. Fin would kill Thomas if he knew the truth and there wasn't even the slightest doubt in her mind about it and Nick would beat him bad enough to cripple him – either way, two of her closest friend would put their lives and careers on the line to defend her and she couldn't let that happen. As much as she hated to do it, there was only one person who would keep a level head in this, even if it drove her crazy and it was with this in mind that she began digging through her purse for her phone.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Olivia's hotel suite…**

After having fed Nick a steak dinner, he and Olivia sat in the living room of her suite curled up on the couch together, she with her head on his chest.

"Dinner was perfect, Mami thank you" he said graciously with a kiss to her lips as he wrapped her in his arms.

"I'm gonna be your wife, you don't have to thank me for feeding you" she smiled, kissing him deeper. "God, I could kiss you all day!"

"I can think of a few things I'd like to do to you all day…" he grinned, stealing another kiss

"I don't know about all day, but we have the rest of the night" Nick thought she looked unbelievably sexy as she got up from the couch, her hair falling over one eye as she took his hands and pulled him up to join her.

"You sure? What if the girls wake up?: He asked, looking down at her as she stood wrapped in his arms

"The gunshot twins?" she laughed "Good luck! Besides, I'm insanely horny and I need you in me!" Nick caught her lips again just as her phone rang.

"Nooooo!" he groaned

"I'll be quick. Bedroom, naked. I'll be right in" Nick hurried off as Olivia picked up her phone from the coffee table. "Benson"

"Haden"

"David, now is not a good time"

"He still there?" David asked as Olivia heard her bedroom door close

"Not that it's any of your business but, yes."

So did he tell you what happened in the elevator?"

"Of course he did. We don't keep secrets" she scoffed

"Really? So I guess that means you told him what we did earlier? He knows where my hands were?"

"David…don't" she whispered. She could feel herself becoming aroused all over again.

"You tell him how wet you were for me? How hard you rode my fingers; how fast you almost came?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because you need to be reminded of how I still make you feel and that I'm able to make you feel because you still love me and you still want me."

"It was a physical response; it had nothing to do with my heart" she lied

"Bullshit! You were dripping wet before I even touched you and it's because I still affect you. I still affect your mind, I still affect your body and I still affect your heart. Admit it, Olivia, no man will ever give you what I gave you."

"I'm hanging up now"

"Can't face the truth?"

"More like: Can't deal with your delusion! Goodnight David, sleep well." She said and hung up, tossing the phone onto the sofa. She stood for a brief moment and told herself that he was wrong before she turned off the lights in the room and turned to head down the hall to Nick, stopped again when her phone vibed.

"_Babe, you comin?" _she heard Nick call from the bedroom.

"Two seconds" she called back as she picked up her phone to read the message that had come through. She clicked it and stood shocked to see the photo on the screen – a photo of David's fully-erect cock with the words _[__Flashback Friday]_ written below it. Olivia wanted to be pissed, she wanted to be disgusted but with her nipples suddenly hard as rocks and throbbing painfully and wetness pooling between her thighs, soaking her panties straight through while an involuntary whimper escaped her lips and she bit them hard, all she really wanted to do was run down the hall to David's suite, break down the door and let him fuck her so long and so hard that her legs wouldn't be able to shut by the time he moved his hips from between them.

She forced herself to regain her senses long enough to type out _[__son of a bitch!] _before hitting send, exiting her messages and walking as fast as she could with her bad leg to her bedroom where she climbed on top of Nick, pulled off her nightgown over her head and leaned into him, kissing him lustily as she ground herself against his dick.

"I want you to fuck me like you used to" she whispered against his mouth Nick nearly lost it at those words. Since the ordeal… He had to be sure.

"Dear God tell me you mean that because I am more than ready to throw you down and fu…"

"That is exactly what I want!" she said as she reached down to pull her panties to the side and sank down on his cock, gasping and moaning into his mouth as he blissfully stretched her "You remember our first time? How you put me on my back, threw my legs over your shoulders and fucked three orgasms out of me?" she reminded him through more kisses as she slowly began rocking her hips

"Oh I remember…"

"And then you put me on my stomach and fucked me even deeper until I begged you to stop?"

"Uh huh" he couldn't believe this was his Olivia, he hadn't seen this side of her in a long time.

"Tonight I won't ask you to stop" she nicked his lip with her teeth then licked the drop of blood she'd drawn from it and kissed him. "Now fuck me, baby!" she purred. He lost it and quickly flipped them so that he was now on top – another thing they hadn't done in a long time.

"We don't need these" he said as he grabbed her panties in his fist and ripped them from her body with a jerk of his wrist, dropping them to the floor beside the bed then snaking an arm under her leg and pushing it back, pinning it against her chest as he began fucking her in long, powerful strokes while he pushed his tongue between her lips and theirs fought for dominance. That night, for the first time in over a year, their sex was hot, nasty and as delicious and amazing as it had been before! Olivia placed no limits and was free and uninhibited. Tonight there was no fear, no bad memory to freak her out. Tonight they reconnected in the most incredible way and she couldn't get enough, begging him to do things that he thought there was no hope of them over doing again and they way she came, again and again, so many times that they completely ruined the bed sheets but neither of them had any complaints and when they were done, as she lay sleeping on his chest, in his arms, just before he closed his own eyes he offered up thanks to heaven… if only he had known that it wasn't god he needed to be thanking for tonight's exquisite fucking – it was David!

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Hospital…**

"Thank god!" I sighed, relieved upon seeing that face. "I was worried you wouldn't come" I admitted

"You needed my help"

"This is shameful" I said, hanging my head. I was embarrassed t be in the presence of such a strong woman when I had become so weak

"Darling the only shame would be in letting him keep control. I'm going to make this go away and I'm going to help you get away from him and get your life back"

"I don't want it to seem that I'm ungrateful but why would you do anything for me?" I asked

"Two reasons. One, I had no one to help me when I needed it and spent sixteen years in the hell that is Thomas and two, helping you would make him miserable and making him miserable makes me happy!" she smiled."

Julia Kirkland, I would soon discover was a force to be reckoned with. too bad I would later screw up and lose her as an ally – a move that I regretted for a long time!

* * *

><p>.<p>

**What does Amanda mean? You'll find out down the road. What is this thing with Habensaro and how far will it go? The answers my friends are coming soon. Same bat time, same bat channel but in the meantime, how about a review? Thanks for reading!**


	22. Decisions

**Sorry for the wait. Y'all are definitely very vocal in telling me which man is best for Olivia and I love it! Also taking everything you guys say into consideration so keep it coming. Dick Wolf owns his, I own mine. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**Olivia's hotel suite…**

Olivia gave a soft, melodic moan, smiling as she stretched and slowly opened her eyes to the morning sun filtering through the floor-to-ceiling windows, quickly deciding that it was too bright and closing them again as she snuggled against Nick's chest, running her hand over its expanse while planting feather-light kisses to his nipple then gave a sensual, deliberate lick with the tip of her tongue before blowing softly on it, causing it to harden and Nick to stir in his sleep, caressing her bare back with his hand.

"My god, that drives me crazy, baby!" Nick moaned and whispered, sucking his breath in through his teeth as she took his nipple in between her own teeth bit down on it, while softly raking the other with her fingernails. Olivia was the only woman he'd ever allowed to arouse him this way, having always thought of it as something men didn't do but she made him a believer.

"I know…" she grinned then continued to give it a wet, soothing suckle before releasing it, then kissed it once more "Good morning" she purred.

"It most definitely is!" he smiled as he climbed on top of her and settled his hips between her thighs as their lips met and he kissed her deep, gently tugging her hair to pull her head back, exposing her neck to him. They'd fallen out of bed during their intense lovemaking last night and neither of them gave care, continuing to fuck like wild animals, tangled in the sheets that had tumbled with them until they were completely spent and both sporting pretty decent rug burns, not bothering to get up and into bed and they fell asleep in each other's arms on the floor.

"Hear that?" he asked while nuzzling her neck "It's still quiet"

"That's because it's Saturday." She said as she looked up at the clock "They sleep in; the twins won't be up for another hour or so" she took his head between her hands and kissed his lips, feeling his hardness as he ground his hips against her.

"I like Saturday" he smiled as they continued kissing.

"Baby… I'm all sticky" she said in mock protest against his mouth while spreading herself wider for him. She liked to tease him, knowing how much he loved to make love to her first thing in the morning and morning sex had been a long time for them.

"And wet" he whispered with a kiss, stroking her clit as he pushed himself inside her. She whimpered as she bit her lip and his lips clamped around her areola, drawing her nipple into his mouth. The way he filled her was divine and she bucked her hips against his, meeting his rhythm as he moved inside her; she missed being with him like this.

"Harder baby!" she moaned holding tight to him as she sucked his bottom lip between hers; the quiet of the room filling with the sounds of their lovemaking skin against skin; the smell of sex heavy in the air. She'd thrown her head back when he began hitting her spot as he fucked her harder, prepared to cry out when…

"Mommy…?" she heard Ari call from down the hall. The girls were up.

"Shit!" she cried, her and Nick freezing for a millisecond before he pulled out and they scrambled to their feet, Nick quickly tossing her her robe.

"I thought you said they'd be asleep longer" he said in a frenzied whisper as he wrapped the sheet around his waist.

"They usually are!" she said as she got the silk robe on, closing and quickly tying it then running her fingers through her disheveled hair. She heard them coming closer to her bedroom door and quickly kissed Nick and stepped out into the hall, pulling the door tightly closed behind her.

"You two are up early" she smiled, trying to steady her breathing.

"Mommy!" they cried in unison as they both ran to her, throwing their arms around her waist and hugging her tight. They were genuinely happy to be able to wake up to their mother after being apart for so long while she was in the hospital.

"You guys went to sleep so early yesterday, mama missed you both so much!" She said gleefully as she lifted Aria into her arms and took Sophia by the hand, leading them away from the hall and into the living room.

"We missed you too!" Sophia said, climbing up beside her mother as they all took a seat on the sofa while Aria put her head down on Olivia's chest and snuggled there, letting out a big yawn.

"You guys hungry?" Olivia asked, running her fingers through Aria's hair while pulling Sophia closer then kissing the top of her head.

"Blueberry pancakes!" Sophia exclaimed, pulling away from Olivia and bouncing excitedly on the sofa. Olivia laughed then looked down at Aria who lay contentedly against her.

"Ari, baby what do you think?"

"I want banana" Aria said lazily before scrunching up her face and looking up at Olivia "Mommy"

"Hmm baby?"

"What's this on your boobie?" She asked, pointing at the small crimson hickey on her mother's breast. Olivia hadn't noticed that her robe had shifted with her daughter snuggling her head against her chest and now, Nick's mark on her left breast was on display. Her eyes went wide as her brain scrambled to think of something to say to the inquisitive child without lying.

"It's...a...you know what?" She proposed while readjusting her robe "I think daddy would love it if his two favorite girls came and had breakfast with him."

"Can we mommy? Please, please, pleeease!" They begged in unison, thrilled at getting time with their father and quickly abandoning all thoughts of the love bite on their mother's skin.

_Nice save, Olivia! _

"Oh course you can" she smiled as she picked up her phone to call David.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Amanda's apartment…**

I woke up this morning feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders and for the first time in a long time I honestly felt that everything would be okay. Thomas had come out of surgery and would be okay. He'd needed a blood transfusion but the bullet had been safely removed and though he was in intensive care he was stable and expected to make a full recovery.

I considered it a blessing that the doctors wouldn't allow the police to talk to him just yet, they thought that recalling a traumatic event would be too stressful and insisted that they wait a day until he was stronger and out of ICU which would be another day – more than enough time for me to get my things together and get the hell out of this apartment! I'd never spent even a dime of the 100K he'd given me months ago and I'd be leaving that behind right along with the car, clothes and jewels. Clean break was best and it was exactly what I had planned. I was getting a slower start than I wanted due to the raging nausea that was here again. This mess with Thomas, all of it was affecting me in a very bad way. And my body was lashing out. The sooner I'd be completely free of this situation, the sooner I'd begin feeling better.

I was in somewhat of a rush this morning wanting to be cleared out of here before the weekend was over and in spite of how lousy I felt I continued buzzing about until a sudden dizzy spell forced me to take a seat. I sat on the sofa, my head between my knees, trying to stop the room from spinning when the doorbell rang. the last thing I wanted to do was move but I managed to pull myself up and make my way to the door and I just stood there staring with a smile on my face, not sure which woman was looking back at me as she stood there with her hair in a messy bun, looking gorgeous without a stitch of makeup on her face and dressed in tight sweats.

"Oh come on, the resemblance can't possibly be that strong!" Julia said as she brushed past me and let herself in.

"Hello to you too, Julia" I said as I shut the door and followed her into the living room.

"Just wanted to see how you're doing this morning."

"After having shot someone… as good as I can be, I guess" I shrugged, reclaiming my seat on the couch.

"You don't look well"

"I don't feel well. The stress of… everything is getting to me"

"Cheer up. The monster is out of your hair. Going somewhere?" she asked looking at the boxes I had packed.

"I'm moving out" I answered

"Why? The view here is fabulous!"

"Because it belongs to Thomas and I'm giving it back right along with everything else he bought"

"My god, you _are _naïve, aren't you?" she scoffed

"Beg pardon?"

"You are giving that arrogant bully nothing!"

"I'm not?"

"Of course you're not. After the hell he's put you through, you've earned it."

"But I don't want any of it"

"Keep it anyway"

"I'd rather not. Look, I'm grateful to you for helpin me out but all I really do want is a clean break… go back to my old life before he made a mess of it… made a mess of me"

"Oh honey, it's way too early for violins so cut the self pity. You have one person to blame for Thomas did to you, and that's you; just as I was the only one to blame for what I allowed him to do to me all those years. No one can ever do any more to you than you allow them to. You were weak, own it and move on."

Looking at her and listening to her, it was hard to believe that she had ever been in the same situation as me; I felt so small in her presence; she and Liv definitely had that in common, that ability to walk through fire and come out seemingly unscathed and stronger for it. I wished that I could learn to be so resilient.

"You're right"

"Of course I am. Now the question is are you serious about walking away? I won't force you to it but you have my support if you do. I will make sure that Thomas keeps his distance and that neither he nor his goons cause you any harm but my protection only goes as far as your resolve. I need to know, does your allegiance lie with me or with Thomas?"

* * *

><p>.<p>

**David's suite…**

"You guys are happy to have mommy back, huh?" David asked the girls as they sat in the dining room enjoying breakfast.

"We missed her a lot" Sophia said

"I bet. So, did you see Uncle Nick this morning?"

"No" Aria answered "But Mommy said we get to go to dinner tonight" she told David before shoving a bite of banana pancake into her mouth.

"Oh yeah? That sounds fun" David asked. Aria smiled, nodding as she continued chewing, careful to not talk with food in her mouth.

"With Uncle Nick and mommy and Zara" Sophia spoke up. Aria swallowed her food and turned to look at her sister.

"I wanted to tell it!" she whined. Sophia stuck out her tongue at Aria ad made a mean face

"Sophia!" David called in a stern voice making the child snap to attention "What did your mother and I tell you?"

"That it's not nice…" Sophia answered quietly "Sorry Ari" she apologized before quickly turning her attention back to her father. "Daddy, am I in trouble?"

"No, you're not in trouble miss bug-a-boo, but you will be if you keep that up; you hear me?"

"Yes."

"Good, I need to run and make a phone call so you guys finish eating and I'll be right back, okay?"

"Okay" they answered in unison. David got up and kissed the tops of both their heads before leaving the dining room but making sure that he kept an eye on them as he grabbed his phone.

... ... ...

**Olivia's suite…**

"Babe…" Nick said in between sensuous kisses "I gotta go, I'm gonna be late for work!" after getting the girls to their dad, he and Olivia had a very nice, long shower together where they indulged in a bit of dirty fun. Now as she stood in her fluffy bathrobe, against the door with him, he still couldn't pull himself away from her.

"All you gotta do is walk out the door" she grinned against his lips before kissing him again.

"Easier said than done... Especially when there is _nothing _on the job that will ever interest me more than what's under that robe!"

"It'll be here later."

"Speaking of… we went pretty hard last night and we didn't use anything… you back on the pill?"

"Nope. I stopped taking them two months ago."

"Wait… so does that mean we're trying?"

"It just means that we'll let nature take its course and whatever happens…" Nicks face lit up.

"Did I tell you how much I love you?"

"I can bear to hear it again" she smiled as he looked deep into her eyes.

"I love you, Olivia Benson! You are everything in the world to me and I cannot wait to make you my wife and spend the rest of my life showing you how much." He said solemnly

"I love you baby" she whispered with teary eyes put her arms around his neck and they shared a sweet kiss although the guilt over what happened with David was now tearing her apart.

"And I'm gonna be working extra hard to make sure that nature takes its course in favor of our child growing in here, very soon" He said as his fingertip danced across the supple skin of her stomach beneath her robe, kissing her once more.

"Go, you're gonna be late" she said just as her phone rang.

"I'll see you tonight" she locked the door then grabbed her phone from the couch, sighing at seeing David's number.

"Yes David?"

"He still there?"

"You called to ask me that?" she ran her hair through her damp hair and pulled at it as she rolled her eyes.

"It's a legitimate question"

"No, actually, it's not. Are the girls done with breakfast?"

"Not yet. You didn't answer my question"

"I'm not going to"

"Did you sleep with him?" he whispered into the phone.

"What?" she asked, not believing he'd just asked her that

"Did. You. Sleep. With. Him?"

"I heard you! I just don't believe…what the hell is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong is that I was stupid enough to walk away from the only woman I ever truly gave a damn about because she told me to go"

"David"

"Olivia I love you… so damn much, it burns!" she couldn't stop the tears that flooded her eyes and quickly rolled down her cheeks.

"I'm not doing this."

"Olivia don't…"

"I mean it. I'm getting dressed, I'll come grab the girls in 15 minutes."

"You don't have to"

"We're meeting with Gina at ten; I need to get them ready. I'll see you in a few" she said quietly and hung up, heading to the bathroom.

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Our ladies have a lot to think about. See you guys next chapter and thanks for reading! #TeamDavid or #TeamNick?**


	23. Open

**Sorry for the wait, i really to try to update more frequently but life... Anyway, here we are. This chapter is pretty Olivia-heavy and we pick up where we left off. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**Late afternoon…**

"Hey, babe it's me" Nick said into the phone while walking under the yellow police tape on his way to the crime scene .

"Uh-oh"

"Why "uh-oh"? he grinned.

"Amaro, I've been a cop for 22 years, I know the '_I can't get away and have to cancel our plans' _tone when I hear it." Olivia said with a hint of disappointment in her voice. "Caught a case?"

"Yeah... I'm sorry. I know how much you were looking forward to tonight…"

"Babe, it's fine. We'll just have to make plans to tell the girls another time, but in the meantime, David already knows so, you might as well tell Maria."

"Yeah, cuz I'm lookin forward to that" Nick laughed.

"Well If it's alright with their dad I'll let the girls stay the night at Gina's. You have your key, and you and I can not-so-quietly finish what we started this morning"

"I don't need to get wood while I'm at a crime scene. I'll call you later, I love you."

"Love you too." she ended the call and put down the book she was reading on the coffee table.

"_So I guess that means you told him what we did earlier? He knows where my hands were... You tell him how wet you were for me? How hard you rode my fingers; how fast you almost came?"_

She shook the thought out of her head just as fast as it entered. She knew that she had to tell Nick, to her, keeping it a secret means that she condones it and she was resolute that she'd let David go and moving on with her life with Nick. He didn't deserve this betrayal, so even if it hurt, she had to lay her cards on the table and come clean and pray that he'd forgive her.

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**Amanda's apartment…**

…Sitting here chain smoking cigarettes and sipping whiskey to calm my nerves. How the hell did I let things get so…

"Girl, how many times you gonna have this conversation with yourself?" I asked out loud followed by a cloud of smoke that I blew into the air. I'd accepted Julia's offer and would now be rid of Thomas. He had no more control over me and I'd never be his victim again and all I needed to do was keep my word to Julia that I'd stay away from him. She had plans for Thomas and didn't want anyone taken down with him, and though we hadn't discussed what those plans were, I knew they were big and in all likelihood not good but Thomas wasn't my problem anymore and I was determined that it would stay that way.

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**Fox Tower Luxury Apartments...**

"Fin... Hey man" Nick was surprised upon entering the lavishly modern penthouse apartment and seeing his friend there. "Sex crimes and homicide? What do we got?"

"Don't look at me, I just got here." Fin said with a shrug.

"Detectives..." The responding uni, Officer Ramirez called to the two men. "We're still waiting for the ME The body is upstairs; this way." He said as he turned to lead them. Fin and Nick gave each other nervous looks before following.

They entered the master bedroom, noticing the extreme contrast in decor from the downstairs area - lush baroque in creams and golds, complete with a huge, towering canopy bed that Fin was sure cost more than what he and Nick made in a year - combined.

"Never ceases to amaze me how the other half lives!" He mused.

"Half? You mean 1%?" Cuz this... It reminded him of David's luxury hotel; the one where Olivia and the girls were staying... Just down the hall... From her ex. But then he thought about last night, there's no way she would have given herself to him like she did if she wanted someone else.

"I don't see a body" he pointed out to the uni after shaking off his thoughts. Aside from the unmade bed there didn't appear to be a thing out of place in this room.

"Maid found her an hour ago" Ramirez informed them as he walked up the stairs to the gigantic bed, Nick and Fin Behind him, and pulled back the the rumpled, overly-plush comforter that concealed the naked body of the dead woman who lay face-up, legs grotesquely spread, the handle of what appeared to be a large knife sticking out of her vagina and a single bullet hole between her open eyes. The moment Fin and Nick saw her, both men recoiled, Fin doubled over and fighting the bile that threatened to choke him, gasping for breath.

"Oh God!" Fin cried. Nick was struggling to keep his own emotions in check, this girl couldnt be older than 22 - a baby. It was enough to tear his heart to shreds.

"Name's Amira Answari, turned 21 yesterday." Ramirez said. "Daughter of Amir Answari."

"The billionaire?" Nick asked.

"The one and only" Ramirez continued " looks like somebody had it in for her."

"Or maybe him..."Fin said, still trying to regulate his breathing. "Melinda's gonna love this!"

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**Olivia's hotel suite...**

"What are you doing h...?" Olivia asked David upon opening the door to her suite. She'd barely gotten the last word out before he pulled her into his arms and kissed her but this time, instead of giving in to it she angrily pushed him away and delivered a violent slap to his face.

"Are you insane?!" She yelled angrily.

"Don't marry him."

"What?"

"I can't lose you again!"

"David..."

"Olivia, please!" He begged, grabbing her arm and pulling her close. "You know how much i love you, you know how I feel...I can't lose you again."

"Stop..."

"I did want you wanted" he said in a pained whisper, bowing his head so that his forehead pressed against hers as he held her face between his large hands. " you told me to go and I did, I went back to her because you said we had to make it right but nothing is right without you, Queenie I love you!"

"Don't call me that..."

"You used to love when I called you that"

"In another lifetime..."

"One that should never have ended...I need you."he cried, his eyes tears. "If you marry him I'll lose myself; I don't have anything without you!"

"Don't do this"

"Leave with me"

"What?"

"We'll grab our daughters, hop my jet, pick a place in the world... Forget the past and just start over. We'll be a family. I know you still love me, no matter what you say, I know you do. What we had; that kind of passion doesn't die! It festers, it burns but it doesn't die.

"You need to go..." She said, tears stinging her eyes as she pulled away from him.

"You can't deny your heart what it wants"

"My heart wants Nick."

"I almost made love to you yesterday right here in this room! You let me hold you, you let me kiss you. I touched you in ways that I hadn't in years and you loved it!" His lips were slowly inching ever closer to hers.

"David please..." She whispered. His mouth was so close she could practically taste his breath.

"Just tell me Queenie, we both know you feel it but I need to hear you say it."

"I can't. Saying it makes it real and I can't become that person."

"Then show me..." his lips skimmed hers, continuing to her neck and gently kissing the spot below her ear that made her weak.

"Please just go"

"I know you love me..." He whispered in between kisses to her neck.

"David..." She could feel her body weakening, the heat of his making her sweat

"Love me" he said simply before crashing his lips against hers. This time she didn't push him away, she gave in wholly to it, surrendered to it and allowed herself to melt into his arms. Before she knew it they were in bed, their naked bodies tangled while he continued to devour her lips.

"David... Oh god David, I've missed you!"

_"I love you, Olivia Benson! You are everything in the world to me and I cannot wait to make you my wife and spend the rest of my life showing you how much."_

She could hear Nick's voice as clear as day, the words he'd said to her just this morning after they made love...she squeezed her eyes shut to block it out, missing whatever David whispered to her in the heat of the moment before she felt his mouth sucking her nipples while he took his shaft in his hand and prepared to enter her.

_"...you get me; you make me laugh, you motivate me, you inspire me…I'm a better man because of you..."_

"David...David, stop!" She cried as she pushed against his chest. He immediately pulled away and looked down at her.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't do this!" She quickly scurried from beneath him and got out of bed, reaching for her robe. David did the same, grabbing his boxers from the floor and stepping into them.

"Liv..."

"No! I love him; I won't do to Nick what you did to me, I won't hurt him that way... You need to leave!" She said as she walked over to the bedroom door and opened it, shocked to find Nick standing on the other side, devastation all over his face.

"Nick!" It fell from her lips in a broken whisper, her hand flying to her mouth as tears sprang from her eyes.

"What the hell is goin on here?" He asked as he walked into the room, turning to look at Olivia in her bathrobe, then at David who was in his boxers.

"We didn't..."

"Save it, Olivia!" He yelled, making David suddenly angry.

"You don't talk to her that way!"

"I don't talk-" Nick grinned at the irony, tears filling his eyes before he turned and threw a punch at David's jaw, knocking him on his ass when it connected then turning and storming out of the room.

"Nick wait" Olivia sobbed, reaching for his arm, he snatched it from her grasp, not looking at her as he kept walking, slamming the door to the suite seconds later.

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**I know and I'm sorry but not really but don't hate me but please review but no twitter spoilers. See y'all next time! BTW, it looks like team Nick is winning!**


	24. Consequence

**Sorry for the wait but it hasn't been too long. Anyway, here's chapter 24. You guys were interested tested to see the the fallout from the Habensaro triangle - I Think I got something I'm finally satisfied with and I hope you guys enjoy it as well. Dick Wolf owns the SVU characters, I just borrow. Enjoy.**

* * *

><p>.<p>

"Nick, this is the tenth message I've left you, and I know you're angry but baby we need to talk about this... please call me!"

She tossed the phone onto the sofa, burying her face in her hands in another unsuccessful attempt to stop the tears that fell freely. She was sick about what she'd done and had been trying to call Nick for over an hour but he wouldn't pick up and there was a part of her that was glad he didn't because deep down, she didn't feel that she deserved his forgiveness and that he was right to ignore her but the bigger part of her just wanted to make things right and was willing to do anything to make it happen, she couldn't stand that she'd hurt him - he didn't deserve it.

The doorbell rang, and as she made her way to answer she prayed that it would be Nick on the other side but was highly disappointed to see David standing there sporting a nasty bruise across his jaw - the result of the punch that Nick had given him.

"You're like a bad penny!" She sneered bitterly as she walked away from the door and into the living room with David following.

"Liv I..."

"David don't. Please just... don't." She begged as she sank down onto the sofa and dropped her head into her hands.

"Are you... Are you crying?" He took a seat beside her as she looked over at him.

"This is exactly the point! You... I always end up this way because of you!"

"You can't put this all on me, you wanted what happened just as much as I did, Olivia, you could've said no!"

"But I couldn't have and you know this! I don't know what it is but you have this... Hold on me; you have from the day we met and I'm powerless against it!"

"No less than the hold you have on me!" He said as he inched closer to her. "Why cant you see? Queenie, you and me, we're bigger than everything; we were from the very second we ever laid eyes on each other. I knew right then that you were it for me and not a damn thing in my life before you mattered - not even my wife!"

"I don't need this right now!" She got up from where she sat on the sofa and walked away from him and over to the windows.

"You need a reality check! No matter what you do, everything will always come down to us!"

"I love Nick and because of you I may have lost him!"

"You love one man, sweetheart, and it ain't Nick!" He had no doubt in his words as crossed the room to join her at the windows. "Because if he was truly the one you want there'd have been to room for what happened between us. I know you hate me right now but I also now that you love me…" he said as he turned her around to face him.

"You love me. You never stopped loving me because you can't anymore than I could stop loving you! Nick's a good guy, and I'm sorry that he got hurt in all this but I am not sorry for what almost happened between us. Being with you...for seven years I've dreamt of making love to you again, of being with you again - feeling you in my arms and hearing you whisper my name when you're…"

"Why can't you let me go?" tears were streaming her face but she didn't bother wiping them away.

"Because letting you go would be the death of me. When you were pregnant with our daughters and you told me you hated me and that we were finished, it broke me!"

"And what do you think finding out about your wife did to me? After two years? David I gave you everything and you destroyed me!"

"I never meant to hurt you! I was going to divorce Gina the second she came back from South America!"

"You made me the other woman, David. For two years I loved you, wholeheartedly without fear or reserve; I loved you more than I'd ever loved anyone - I built a future for us in my head. I would sit dreaming of the day I'd become Olivia Haden because in spite of the fact that my mother told me that fairy tales were only stories and that I shouldn't believe in them, I believed in you; in us. you were my Prince Charming but I was nothing more to you than an affair. Do you have any idea what that made me feel like?"

"You were never an affair! Don't you dare say that!"

"Tell me anything, right? The fact is, I made up my mind a long time ago that you and I... David we can't be anything more to each other than what we are - co-parents and friends. Nick... in spite of what you believe, I do love him. He put my heart back together after you shattered it, and then he put _me_ back together after Lewis... He's proven himself to me again and again and I..."

"Gave in to your heart. Because in spite of what you feel for Nick, I am the love of your life; me! You love _me_ and you want _me_ and try as you might, there is no getting me out of your system!"

"Modesty was never your strong suit."

"Never when it comes to you. There is power in being loved by a woman like you and Nick knows it. He may be angry right now but trust me, he won't stay that way."

"...because you know him _so _well."

"Because he'd be a damn fool if he did. He knows exactly what he has, and if he doesn't then I'll gladly pick up the pieces when he walks away.

"STOP! David I am begging you; I'm BEGGING you... Please let me go; if you love me - if you ever loved me then let me be happy!"

"Do you really think that you can be happy with him when you still want me?"

Silence engulfed the room for a brief moment, then just as Olivia was about to answer, she was interrupted by the doorbell, her heart dropping at the thought of how much worse things would be if Nick were to find David there again and she froze.

"You want me to..."

"No." She said with a shake of her head as she nervously made her way to the door and looked through the peephole, relieved to see Amanda standing outside. She quickly wiped her face and ran her fingers through her hair before opening the door.

"Hey!" The blonde greeted with a nervous smile.

"This is a nice surprise!" Olivia said, genuinely happy as Rollins entered the suit.

"Yeah, it's been a while since we had some time to ourselves so I figured I'd..." She stopped as soon as she saw David. "Am I interruptin somethin?" She asked mischieviously.

"No. I was just leaving." He said somewhat bitterly. "You girls enjoy the rest of the evening... Liv, we'll finish this later." Before she could protest, he left the suite.

"Do I wanna know?" Amanda asked as they took a seat on the sofa.

"Uhh... How about I tell you another time? Besides, I get the feeling that this is more than just a buddy visit. You okay?"

"Where are the girls? It's mighty quiet."

"They're staying the night with Gina. Can I get you anything?" Olivia asked as she moved to get up but Amanda stopped her.

"No, you rest that leg. If I need anything I'll get it."

"So you wanna tell me why you're wearing sunglasses when it's almost dark out?"

"That's actually why I'm here... I um...I need to talk to you." She said as she removed her shades. Olivia gasped at the fresh cut and bruise under Amanda's eye along with discolorations from healing bruises.

"Amanda... And don't tell me you slipped again!"

"It's okay."

"Its not okay, that son of a bitch!" Olivia's anger was quick.

"Liv..."

"How long has this been going on?"

"...too long. But Liv, it's over now."

"You told me it was over when you got back from Morocco...you went back."

"Not so black and white but yeah... Liv, you were right about him... All along you were right."

"This is not something I'm proud to be right about. Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Olivia asked, Amanda gave a sad laugh.

"Why? Come on, you've been on the job long enough..."

"I have. I've also been on the job long enough to know what often comes with the beatings."

"I'm starving. Have you had dinner?" Amanda asked, quickly changing the subject and gesturing to the bags she'd set down on the coffee table. Olivia let out a long sigh.

"Please don't shut down on me..."

"I'm not I just... I'm hungry." Another sigh from Olivia.

"... I don't really have an appetite but..."

"Good, I'll grab some plates!" Amanda said as she got up and headed toward the dining room. "I was craving Thai, I hope that's that's okay."

"We need to talk."

"...I'll be back in a bit." As soon as Amanda disappeared from sight Olivia picked up her phone from the spot she'd tossed it on the sofa and typed out a text. It would be a long night with Rollins and she still hadn't heard from Nick.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Nick looked down at his phone, reading the text that had just come through.

_[Nick, please just let me know that you're okay, I'm worried...]_

Since storming out of her suite he hadn't gone far, just to the upscale bar across the street where he'd been nursing the same scotch that used to be on the rocks for the past hour.

He couldn't believe what he'd walked in on. How long had she been carrying on with her ex behind his back? And was David the reason she'd been so reluctant to make a commitment to _their_ relationship for so long? _That son of a bitch! _He knew that David was a snake but after what he'd done to Olivia how could she ever trust him again? Just the thought of her fucking David...of David fucking her... Did she let him do the things... Nick growled in frustration before knocking his drink back in one shot then practically slammed the tumbler down on the bar.

"Another!" He called to the bartender. "Forget the rocks, and keep em coming!" He ordered as his glass was being refilled. He tossed back the second shot just as quickly, the warmth of the liquid wasting no time in spreading through his body. Nick wasn't much of a drinker and it didn't take long for him to start feeling the effects of the two shots he had taken when he downed the third and went back to nursing when the fourth was put in front of him.

_"I don't care how hard I come, DO NOT stop fucking me!" _

She demanded this of him last night and she wasn't kidding, she'd given him Carte Blanche - demanded that he take control and fuck her to his satisfaction, and she took him magnificently all night long. Did she take David this way? Was he allowed to pin her down, snatch her hair in his fists and fuck her as hard as he dared? Did she come violently again and again while pleading for more?

Nick could feel the rage surging through his veins again. He attempted to quell it by swallowing the remainder of the amber contents of his glass - his fourth shot in just a few minutes time but it did nothing to help, just made him angrier to the point where he was now ready to destroy something and in this moment he didn't care what it was - he could smash a table or smash someone's face, it didn't matter to him, he just needed something to channel the apoplexy before it destroyed him.

It was like the devil himself had decided to tempt him. She walked in and sat down beside him while he swirled his fifth shot around in his glass. He smelled her perfume - blue agave and...something he couldn't quite put his finger on but the scent was exotic and ridiculously sexy, almost as sexy as her voice.

"Chocolate martini... And give the gentleman another of what he's drinking."

Low and husky with just enough softness to it. He turned and smiled at her but the smile quickly faded when he saw her face.

"What are are you doing here?" He asked angrily.

"Excuse me?" The woman asked, confused by his question.

"What. Are you doing here? If I wanted to talk I would have answered one of your phone calls so how about a little space, huh?"

"I'm quite sure you've mistaken me for someone else." She said with an amused grin as she extended her hand. "I'm Julia."

"Ju... I... I'm so sorry. Nick." Nick apologized with his introduction, completely dumbfounded. He took a brief moment to get a good look at her; hair pulled back into a perfect bun, skintight white leather dress that plunged ridiculously low in front to perfectly display the woman's more than ample assets - assets that Nick could see were proud and at attention, her hardened nipples straining through the fabric. But what threw Nick most was that the woman was a doppelganger for Olivia. The resemblance was uncanny and left Nick walking a very thin line between rage and arousal.

"It happens. So, why is an incredibly attractive man like yourself drinking all alone?" She asked, fingering her gold chunk necklace while she fixed her gaze on Nick and crossed her legs seductively while he watched, nearly salivating. She very much liked what she saw and apparently, so did Nick.

"It's either this or kill a man and I'm a cop so the latter would be a bad idea." He answered and sipped his drink. He couldn't take his eyes off of the woman - Julia. God, she and Olivia could be twins but he'd never seen Olivia dressed like this, holy shit!

"That would definitely be a bad idea." She smiled and took a sip from her drink. She had already decided that she'd be fucking this beautiful stranger tonight and her nipples grew even harder in anticipation and Nick definitely noticed.

"So listen" she said, dropping her voice to a whisper as she leaned into him. "I don't do this usually, but my apartment isn't far from here and you've managed to completely soak my panties in the two minutes I've been sitting here. So why don't you take me home and fuck me senseless before my nipples cut through my dress... I'll even let you use your handcuffs, because you are turning me on, that. Fucking. Much."

"I'm flattered but um, I'm not in the best mood tonight and if I took you home... It's safe to say you're gonna be feeling me for a week."

"Even better." She said, unflinching and even more aroused as she bit her lip. And so it was, Nick, without caring about what it would do to his relationship, left with Julia and she became that avenue he needed to channel his anger for the night.

... ... ...

Starting in the cab to her penthouse where he locked an arm around her waist and held her to him so that she couldn't move while he shoved three fingers inside her and fucked her to an intense orgasm while the driver pretended not to notice. Fueled by images in his head of David fucking Olivia, coupled with the alcohol in his system, once they got to her place he fucked her right there in the foyer before eventually dragging her upstairs to her bedroom where he did use his cuffs, subduing her while he fucked her without reserve, and she begged for more. His sex was angry, punishing even and Julia loved every minute. Then when they were done and they lay beside each other drenched in sweat and trying to steady their breathing...

"Where have you been all my life? Dear god you don't fucking exaggerate!" She exclaimed with a laugh, causing Nick to laugh too.

"Listen, I hope you don't feel...used but it's late..."

"No, no, it's fine. Trust me, I was not looking for anything more than a good hard fuck - which you gave to me, quite exquisitely I might add, thank you." She said as she climbed on top of Nick and straddled him. "One more ride before we call it a night?"

"If you can take it."

"I'm a big girl, Detective. Amaro!" She said before leaning in to kiss him. Nick turned his head away, refusing again to give her his kiss, there was just something too intimate and instead, he turned them, slamming her down onto her back.

"I'm in charge!" He said sternly, shoving his thick cock inside her with one hard thrust of his hips causing her to hiss loudly and cry out as he pummeled her.

When they finished Nick showered, dressed and quietly left while Julia slept. And as the taxi made it's way to his destination, he felt that he had evened the score and decided that he was now ready to see Olivia.

* * *

><p>.<p>

At the hotel, Liv and Amanda sat talking on the couch after having finished dinner quite some time ago.

"You really ready to do it this time?" Olivia asked knowing better than anyone how hard letting go could be.

"I am. It's time I got my life back."

"I can't believe you shot him...god knows the bastard deserved it, even if it _was_ an accident...it was an accident, right?"

"...things happen, i tried to scare him and it didn't work; he grabbed the gun..."

"...and it went off. Thats what you told Tucker and IAB but Amanda, this is me. What were you trying to scare him from? What did he do to you?"

"Something he had no right to...again. Anyway, Julia's right. I'm keeping the apartment."

"Julia... As in, his wife Julia?"

"I finally met her... Liv, she's a dead-ringer for you; you guys could be twins!"

"Wait, what?"

"Its almost creepy, wait until you meet her. Anyway, she's sort of become an ally. The woman hates him."

"Can't say I blame her." Amanda's phone suddenly pinged, alerting her to a text message, her stomach dropping when she read it.

_[Daddy misses his angel. I want to see you, NOW! This Is not a request.]_

Amanda froze.

"You okay?" Olivia asked, alarmed.

"Yeah I just... You know, it's late...I should go." She answered as she got up and began gathering her things

"You don't have to... I like the company."

"Why don't I stop by tomorrow and we'll spend the day just us."

"I'd like that."Olivia said with a smile as she stood and walked Amanda to the door.

"And don't worry, things will work out with Nick..."

"...your lips to God's ears."

"I'm really gonna need time to get used to you guys as a couple... I can't believe I didn't know!"

"I'm imagining Fin's reaction." Olivia laughed

"That'll be grand. I'll see you tomorrow." The two women exchanged hugs before Amanda opened the door, both shocked to see Nick there. "I guess god likes the sound of my voice. Hey Nick."

"Hey." His eyes were glued to Olivia's as he spoke, the two locked in an intense stare.

"Soooo... Tomorrow... Yeah, goodnight guys."

"Goodnight" the two answered in unison, never taking their eyes from each other. Rollins knew with those looks that tomorrow would most definitely _not_ be happening. She shut the door behind her and Nick reached back to lock it, still staring at Olivia. Olivia couldn't read his mind either way as her eyes filled with tears but the way he was looking at her made her weak and her body had it's own plans on what the look was about as things got hard while others became impossibly wet.

While outside In the hall as Amanda waited for the elevator, she shot a text to Thomas.

_[On my way]_

_... ... ..._

Nick took a step toward Olivia and reached out to her, caressing her face as his thumb swiped the tear that trailed her cheek. When his hand made contact with her skin, Olivia let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and her tears really let loose as she sank into his touch.

"I'm so sorry!" She cried as she threw her arms around him, a sob escaping her when she felt his around her body and holding her tight.

"Shhhhh... It's gonna be okay."

" I don't know what's wrong with me, why I..."

"Just tell me it'll never happen again; swear to me that he will _never_ touch you again!"

"I swear it."

"I will not share you with him!"

"You won't have to. But Nick I swear we never..."

"Tell me later." She didn't question the liquor on his breath when their lips collided in a searing kiss and the next thing she knew, she was wrapped around him while he carried her to the bedroom, tearing off one another's clothes and leaving a garment trail behind them.

... ... ...

"I love you!" Olivia sighed as he lay her down planting kisses all over her neck and breasts. They made love, Nick being gentle and sweet until the images came back and their gentle lovemaking became an angry fucking he'd given Julia a couple hours before. Olivia tried to take what he gave, understanding his anger but it had become painful and she quickly found it to be too much.

"Nick..." She cried pushing her palms against his chest. "Baby please slow down!"

Nick quickly snapped out of his his own head and looked down at her.

"Baby... Lo siento!" He apologized as he stilled inside her. "Did I hurt you?"

"It's alright, I know you didn't mean it."

"I didn't... I swear to you I didn't. You know I would die before I hurt you." Before either of them knew it Nick had broken down sobbing in her arms.

Olivia held him, feeling like the worst person in the world for what had almost happened between she and David, never guessing that it was Nick's own guilt that was consuming him. He thought that he'd be able to screw Julia and call it even but it wasn't as simple as he thought it would be. Now as he lay in Olivia's arms sobbing, he realized just how wrong he'd been as he continued apologizing again and again.

* * *

><p>.<p>

I stepped off the elevator on Thomas' floor and made my way down to his room.

Nervously I eased the door open and found Thomas propped up in bed reading from his favorite book - some Machiavellian text in its original Italian. He appeared to not know that I had entered the room but I knew that he did - Thomas was always aware of everything.

"I'm here." I announced anyway, not moving from my place at the door.

"So I see." He responded weakly, removing his reading glasses before shutting his book. "Come here."

"I'm fine where I am."

"I don't recall asking."

"Thomas what do you want? It's late and I'm tired" I still hadn't moved from my place at the door.

"What I _want_ is for you to stay away from my bitch of a wife." He was too calm and it worried me.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know angel, the only thing I hate more than disloyalty is being played a fool. I know that you've been getting cozy with the enemy." Even in his weakened state he couldn't help trying to intimidate me.

"I'm leaving." I said as I turned to open the door.

"Angel wait... You don't need Julia."

"I sure as hell don't need you."

"But I need you... I love you, and that bullet made me see the error of my ways. My divorce will be final soon and I'm ready to move on."

"That's one thing we have in common."

"I want you to be the next chapter in my life. I love you and I don't want to lose you. Marry me, angel."

I froze.

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**Lots more Rollins next chapter and exactly what happens with Nick and Liv? Reviews are love, see you guys next time and thanks for being awesome!**


	25. Sorting It Out

**I'm sorry that I've been slacking on updates but I think my new meds are screwing with my creativity. Anyway, here we are with chapter 25 picking up right where we left off. You guys were certainly opinionated about Thomas and Amanda. Enjoy.**

* * *

><p>.<p>

"Are you out of your mind?" I asked with an incredulous laugh. Did he really think I would even consider marrying him after everything he's put me through?

"Not at all."

"Then you are one arrogant sumbitch!" I seethed as I approached him.

"Now angel..."

"To think that I would even consider being with you again... I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on earth and do you know why? Because you are a monster! You are a cruel, sadistic monster of a man and I don't want anything more to do with you!" He moved so fast, I didn't see it coming and before I knew it his hand was clamped around my throat.

"No no... Don't try to scream." He said in a calm, almost-whisper while clawed at his fingers trying to pry them loose. "I told you, we are not over until I choose to let you go and _that_, my angel is simply not a choice that I'm either willing nor able to make."

God knows I didn't want to but it was either him or me and I had to choose me, not giving it a second thought as I sent my fist crashing into his diaphragm, aggravating his bullet wound. I felt terrible when I heard him cry out in pain but it forced him to release his hold on me and I quickly backed away from him.

"I'm sorry!" I cried, my heart genuinely hurting at having caused him pain "But you don't get to make the choice this time. I am done being your punching bag! I will not marry you because I want no ties to you and I thank god there aren't any!"

"You bitch! What has Julia done to you?" he groaned.

"Don't blame her. You wanna point fingers at anybody, you point them at yourself! YOU made me this way!"

"...by loving you?" He questioned innocently as he held his ribs.

"Do you need a help? Should I get the nurse?"

"No I... Angel, don't let her do this. She wants to destroy me and everything I have..."

"You destroyed us all by yourself...I only came here to say goodbye but if there was any chance of me changin my mind, you killed it."

"You can't do that..."

"Yeah I can...and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry because I do love you and I wanted this to work; I tried to make it work. I didn't even mind the crazy shit you talked me into, but the abuse... I can't live with the abuse, and I'm done trying. We're done!"

I turned and left the room, not bothering to turn around in spite of his calling for me to come back but this time I wouldn't be swayed.

* * *

><p>.<p>

The following morning Olivia found herself wide awake at the crack of dawn. She hadn't slept much in spite of being exhausted both physically and emotionally. All night her guilty conscience kept replaying the whole mess with David and when it became too much to think about she'd rouse Nick from his sleep to fuck the thoughts away - this happened twice during the night and both times it failed miserably except the moments where she lost control of mind and body while orgasm tore through her so hard it left her trembling and near sobbing.

Now as she looked over at her fiance in the morning light, those thoughts were more prevalent now that she could see the heartache etched on his beautiful face even in slumber and it hurt her deeply to know that she'd been the catalyst. Deciding not to wake him, she caressed his face and kissed him sweetly on the lips before slipping out of bed and heading to the adjoining bathroom for a hot shower, hoping that maybe she could wash away some of the guilt that seemed to envelope her.

... ... ...

A half hour later, freshly scrubbed from head to toe she sat in her fluffy bathrobe curled up on the built in settee of the giant window that lined the easternmost wall of the lavishly decorated living room. She hasn't bothered blow drying her hair, opting instead to leaving it hanging in long damp curls as she sat sipping tea while staring absently at the morning rain as it beat against the glass.

She began thinking about Aria and Sophia; they'd be up in a couple of hours and she couldn't wait to hear their voices but right now, there was another voice that she was desperate to hear and she quickly grabbed her iPad that sat by her and dialed, relieved when her video chat connected after three rings.

"I thought for second there you wouldn't answer." She said with a smile when she saw Elliot's face, still bristly from not having shaved this morning.

"And miss talking to you? Pfft! Though I gotta admit, Liv, it is a bit early for face timing."

"Yeah but you're the only other person I knew who'd be up at this ungodly hour on a Sunday."

"Okay, what's wrong?"

"Who said anything's wrong?"

"Uh, _you_ did when you called me at 6:37am on a Sunday, remember?"

"Ever the detective..."

"Yeah, yeah!" He grinned then took on a softer, serious tone. "Talk to me."

"David left his wife."

"Is this going where I thinking it is?"

"El, I messed up."

"...it is." He resigned with a sigh. "Okay... Okay. I'm not gonna judge."

"Promise?"

"Liv, in spite of what a pompous ass Haden is, I know how hard this has been for you even after all these years... A lot of unresolved feelings."

"Understatement. Hey, do you even have the time to be talking about this right now?"

"Of course I do, we're the only two people in America up this early on a Sunday, remember?" He grinned with a sip of his coffee.

* * *

><p>.<p>

David was another one who hadn't gotten much sleep last night and now nervously paced his livingroom while dialing a number on his cell phone.

"7:45" He mumbled having noticed the time "she has to be awake by now!" He continued while raising the phone to his ear. It rang several times in his ear before going to voicemail.

"Damnit!" He had to know if... "It had to...keep your calm, David." He said to himself after hanging up. "Everything will go as planned."

He knew that she'd be upset if she found out - at first. But its a chance he had to take and he's not sorry. In the end she'd understand that he did what he did for them; for the sake of their family. His daughters deserved to have their mother and father together, as it should have been and Olivia deserved to be with the man she truly loves, and he was going to see to it that both happened. But first he had to know if his plan worked.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Back in Olivia's suite, after her near-hour long talk with Elliot, Nick was now up and she'd been trying again, unsuccessfully for the last half hour to talk to him about what happened yesterday but with Nick feeling so terrible about what happened with Julia last night - even if at the time he thought it was tit for tat, he avoided the conversation altogether and instead, he and Olivia ended up having sex again, this time right there on the window settee, in full view of the city.

"Keep making me come like that and I'm gonna have a stroke... HOLY SHIT!" She panted with a huge smile from where she lay beneath him, both of them covered in sweat and Nick planting sensuous kisses to her neck while nipping at her skin.

"Are we ever gonna discuss yesterday?" She moaned as he ground his hips against her. The contact with her clit sending a shiver through her. "We still need to talk about..."

"Shhhhh... I just wanna stay here like this until we..." He hung his head when the doorbell rang, he and Olivia both sighing at the disturbance as Nick pulled out and rolled off. "You gotta be kidding me!"

"...be right back." Olivia said, reaching for her discarded robe.

"Hurry, I don't have to be to work for another hour..."

"...that we're going to spend _talking_!" She grinned, Looking back at him and tying her robe as she walked away.

"We'll see." He smirked, eyeing her seductively as she continued to the door and opened it.

"David, what?" She asked, unamused to see him standing there. Nick's ears immediately perked up at hearing David's name and he reached for the towel he had been wearing when he'd walked in here after his shower.

"Can I come in?"

"Now is not a good time..."

"Look I know you're still pissed with me but I just need a minute."

"No."

"Liv come on..."

"You heard her, she said no!" Nick said as he made his way to the door and wrapped his arms around Olivia's waist from behind, kissing her face there in the doorway while smugly staring David in the eye. David was shocked to see Nick there, and in a towel no less, and it being quite obvious what the two had been up to..

"I uh...I was wondering...well I was gonna go pick up our daughters for brunch and was wondering if..."

"She wanted to join you? Sorry Dave, we're a little busy." Nick answered, one arm now protectively across Olivia's shoulders while the other tightened around her waist. This infuriated Olivia, who didn't let it show, opting instead to handle it once David was gone.

"Actually, you said it was okay for Gina to have them until two..."

"Oh, did I? I guess...I guess I forgot..." He stammered, staring just as jealously at Nick who had now taken Olivia's hand - the left one that held her gorgeous engagement ring on her third finger, and was sure to hold it at an angle for David to get a good look while he kissed her fingers; never letting go of her waist.

"Sorry about last night, man. How's your face?" Nick asked, trying to sound sincere and failing miserably.

"Eh...sucker punch. So Quee- Liv, don't forget tomorrow we're meeting with the caterer for the girls' birthday party.

"Yes, after physical therapy. I didn't forget."

"Still can't believe they're turning seven in a month... Seems like just yesterday you told me you were pregnant; that my baby was growing inside you...then we found out I put two in there.

"That was actually a collapsed blastocyst, but..." Nick interjected with a roll of his eyes.

"I didn't know Bill Nye was your fiance." David quipped

"Richie Rich brought jokes..." Nick said with a laugh.

"Okay, while you two continue your pissing contest, I'm gonna go...I'm just gonna go!" Olivia had had enough of both men as she angrily threw Nick's arms off her and walked away in a huff.

"Anything else?" Nick asked David.

"Actually..."

"Great!" Nick said before rudely slamming the door in David's face.

... ... ...

Back in the bedroom, Olivia was in the closet pulling out something to wear when Nick walked in. She quickly threw her clothes onto the bed and walked right past him, toward the bathroom.

"Babe, where you goin?"

"To take a shower!" She snapped.

"Whoa... Did I do something wrong?" Nick asked with all innocence.

"Did you...? You wanna tell me what the hell that was out there?"

"What?"

"That...macho bullshit between you and my ex where both of you idiots are acting like I'm a piece of goddamn meat! I don't think I've ever felt so objectified in my entire life!"

"He started it."

"No, Nick, _you_ did the second you decided to show up at the door, naked so he'd know that you'd just fucked me!"

"Funny you should mention that..."

"THIS! This is exactly the reason we should have talked this through instead of both of us thinking that we could fix it by screwing each others brains out all night!"

"Maybe you got off on it, fucking both of us in one night!" Nick never saw the slap coming but he definitely felt it, being hit so hard, his neck gave a cracking sound as his head violently whipped to the side.

"If you wanted to hurt me..."

"I didn't. Liv, I..."

"So you know, I did NOT sleep with David! I couldn't because I love you and I couldn't hurt you that way!" Nick's heart sank.

"You...?

"I was telling him to leave when you got here...nothing happened!" Olivia couldn't fight the tears that spilled from the outer corners of her eyes and ran down her face.

"Liv..."

"I realize how stupid I was to even let it go as far as it did with David and I'm sorry. I don't know what more I can say but if I had known that you'd make me feel so dirty and so cheap over something I didn't even do...I'm gonna go take a shower, I would very much like it if you were gone when I finished!"

"Baby..." He cried as he reached for and took her hand.

"NO!" She snatched it from his grasp. "Please just go." She begged in a broken whisper and continued to the bathroom as fast as she could with her injured leg, slamming the door once inside.

Nick sank down onto the bed and dropped his head into his hands, last night suddenly running rampant through his mind and now made even worse by hearing Olivia crying in the bathroom. Nothing happened with her and Haden. He went out and slept with another woman - a complete stranger whose last name he can't even remember and then hurled a vile accusation at the woman he loves more than life, all in the name of getting even when there was nothing to get even for.

"What have you done, Nick?" He asked himself. "What the fuck have you done?"

* * *

><p>.<p>

"I want you to stand by. You do not call me for any reason, you simply sit and wait for my call. I've already given instruction on what it is that I need. All _you_ need to do is wait for my order to execute those instructions. Are we clear?" Thomas asked the person on the other end of the phone.

"Crystal. You call me back, all systems go." The man responded.

"Good. You'll hear from me within seventy two hours." He assured the man before ending the call.

"...and if you're as smart as you seem to think you are, you won't force my hand in this!" There was an ominous tone to his voice as he gloated over his latest scheme and the look in his eye was unmistakable; trouble was coming!

* * *

><p>.<p>

Back at the hotel, in David's suite he was on the phone yet again, listening impatiently as it rang in his ear. The fourth rang came and instead of voicemail, he was relieved that he'd finally gotten through to her as her sleep-filled voice came over the receiver.

"What?" She answered quite indelicately, eyes still close and angered that she had been roused from her sleep.

"I've been calling you all morning, why haven't you picked up?" David asked.

"Uhhh, because like the rest of Manhattan, it's a Sunday morning and I'm FUCKING SLEEPING, David!"

"...no time for sleep."

"I'd like to hear you say that after spending _your_ Saturday night being fucked into oblivion by a man with a cock the size of Texas - not that I'm complaining about that part!" There was a huge smile on her face as she recalled last night with Nick and David couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy at learning this newest bit of info about the man who was standing between him being reunited with the love of his life.

"Too much information, Jules."

"Hey, you wake me up from much-needed sleep, you're going to hear whatever comes out of my mouth and you'll do so, graciously."

"So you actually did it?" He couldn't keep the huge smile from his face.

"Over and over again. I'll be lucky if I can sit down by Tuesday but my god, he was magnificent, I should be thanking _you_!"

"You didn't tell him that I had a hand in this little hookup, did you?"

"No worries. He thinks it was all random, I didn't tell him that his friend asked me to cheer him up after his breakup. What woman in her right mind would let sex that good just walk out the door? Not to mention the man is drop-dead gorgeous!" Too bad she had no clue that the story David had given her about Nick was a complete lie.

"Okay Jules, I get it."

"I've never gone blue collar before... maybe that's where I went wrong, he's such a gentleman. Too bad I'll never see him again."

"What? Why not?" David didn't like where this was going, he didn't put the effort into this to have it cone apart so easily.

"Greatest fuck of my life but Nick Amaro's heart belongs to the woman who broke it and I would never stand in the way of true love, so I won't distract him from finding his way back to her but you're a great friend for trying to soothe his hurt, he's lucky to have you; now I'm sorry darling but if I don't sleep, I'll die."

"Jules..."

"We'll talk later." She assured him then lowered her sleep mask and hung up, leaving David staring disbelievingly at his phone. He'd counted on Nick still being in Julia's bed this morning, not down the hall in a towel with Olivia - who had no clue that he'd been with another woman last night. David would need to step up his game if he was going to get and keep Nick out of the picture.

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**See y'all soon with 26. Gonna be wrapping this one up in a few more chapters but in the mean time, I have lots of other SVU stories so for those of you who haven't, head on over to my page and check them out. Remember, reviews are love and love is everything. **


	26. Falling Apart

**Hi all, sorry for the holdup but this one has been hard. Nevertheless, I did it so let's get to it.**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**Chapter dedicated to LaceNLeather24 cuz you've been way too patient.**

"Olivia please call me, at least tell me you're safe...I love you." Nick said into the receiver. It had been three days since their fight and he was going out of his mind with worry. He hadn't heard from her, she'd moved out of the hotel with no forwarding address and David either didn't know where she had gone or he was lying. Either way, it did not look good for Nick.

He slammed his cell phone down on the desk walking in the door, alarming his Captain who was walking by and prompting her to stop and ask what's wrong, he quickly but respectfully told her that it was a personal matter and wouldn't happen again. She let it go and he got called back into the homicide he was investigating.

* * *

><p>.<p>

On Monday I was still sick to my stomach; nausea and not feeling well; something told me to take a test so I did - I couldn't believe this, after I finally got my life back, got some form of normal back, I'm pregnant.

I feel like God has played the cruelest of jokes on me, I can't raise a baby by myself, that is absolute. But at the same time Thomas is in no shape to be a father, not to my child or to anyone, look at all he's done to me...

"You need to calm down!" I said as I got up and went to the bar, pouring myself a drink. I had gotten half of it down before I realized that I shouldn't have it and quickly poured it down the drain.

_Maybe he could...he can't change Amanda. Don't go back to thinkin like that; but if he can't change then where does that leave me and what about this baby? Do you even wanna have this baby?_

It didn't take me long to come to a conclusion at all cuz honestly, I can't have this baby. If it were from anyone else... Now on today, I didn't need time to think about it anymore and I opened my laptop, looking for a doctor. I'd be rid of this baby, Thomas would be none the wiser and I could go about my life and leave him behind.

God, how did I get in this mess?

* * *

><p>.<p>

After two hours of therapy, Olivia was one thing: tired. As she got into the house, she dropped her bag by the door and trailed straight to her bedroom for a hot, massaging shower; letting it hit her pained muscles and work out the kinks. A thought of Nick ran through her mind but she completely shut it down, not wanting to be bothered by such things and she went about her shower.

Twenty minutes later she got out, freshly scrubbed, her damp hair hanging in curls and she made her way to her bed. She sat her phone on her nightstand after seeing nine missed calls today, six of them from Nick and decided that they weren't worth her time (six of them at least),and decided to ignore them, turning the phone screen down.

Running her fingers through her hair, she decided to blow dry it later. She was exhausted right now and needed sleep. Soph and Arie wouldn't be back until four today and with that in mind she dropped the towel and crawled into the large bed beneath the covers. She briefly sighed, she missed him and wished for that purpose that Nick hadn't been such an ass or that she'd been more cautious where David was concerned. A lot of wrong happened over the last week and Nick wasn't totally at fault but deciding that the didn't want to think about it, she pushed it from her mind and quickly fell asleep before she could have another thought.

* * *

><p>.<p>

"I need the file for the Washington case, and call the restaurant and cancel my reservations, I'm gonna be here all day." David told his assistant, Mary.

"Yes sir." She said. "By the way, Tom Murdoch wants to know if you're free for golf next Thursday at ten."

"Uhh...check my schedule, if I'm free, book it. Anything else?"

"No sir. I'll get right on that."

"Thanks Mary." She was walking out of the office as Nick was coming in. "Sir, you can't..."

"It's okay Mary, show Mr. Amaro in." She stepped aside to allow Nick in and closed the door.

"What do you want?" David asked Nick.

"Where's Olivia?"

"Olivia?"

"Beautiful brunette, mother to your twins..."

"I know who she is."

"Where is she?"

"Hell if I know."

"Yeah right, like I'm gonna believe that."

"Hey, believe what you want."

"So you haven't heard from her..."

"I didn't say that." He said with a smirk. "Look, we have kids alright? She let's them call every day but I haven't talked to her and I don't know where she is. As long as I have contact with my girls, I'm not worried. Now if there's nothing else..."

Nick looked at him with utter hatred and wanted to take his smug head off but instead, he walked out of the office, leaving the door open as he threw it open and stormed out, David sitting at his desk smiling.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Later in the afternoon as I was leaving for the clinic with my bag, I opened my door to go and was shocked to see Thomas standing there.

"I thought I made myself clear!* I said, blocking entrance into the apartment.

"You did. I just wanted to talk." He said.

"How are you out of the hospital?"

"I had more important things to do." He said simply.

"Yeah well, I've said all I have to say Thomas, now if you'll excuse me..." I moved to shut the door.

"Am I interrupting something?" I looked at him for a second and realized that I couldn't just leave, I knew this man, he'd either follow me or have me followed. I couldn't risk it.

"I was; gonna go to the gym not that it's any of your concern. What do you want anyway? You're supposed to be staying away from me."

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

"Okay."

"Amanda, I'm here baring myself to you and you're being aloof; I don't understand you."

"I gotta go." I said closing the door again. I felt it, I felt it coming. The me who had no control with him and that girl scared me because SHE had one thing in mind...HIM, and I needed to get away from it before it was too late.

"Angel wait." He put his hand against the door and my resolve... It was not it a good place.

"I don't have time for this."

"I just want to say that; this is hard for me but I've had time to think and I see the truth..."

_Don't listen to him Amanda.._

"What truth?"

"...that I've been a fool with the way I've treated you, you haven't deserved it and I understand why you left...I'm not angry anymore and I just wanted to tell you that I wish you the best." And he kissed my cheek.

_What just happened?_

"Goodbye Amanda."

He walked away, just like that, and I stood there for a second before closing the door in utter shock. Did he just say goodbye?

... ... ...

Outside, Thomas came downstairs and got back in his car nursing a huge smile.

"Things go well I assume?" Pablo asked.

"Very well. She didn't even see it coming."

"That's a plus."

"Indeed it is. It'll be an even bigger plus when she's in my bed again!"

* * *

><p>.<p>

By the time Olivia woke up it was ten minutes to four and she just realized that she had gone to sleep without any clothing and the kids were going to be home in a few. She quickly shook off her sleep and pulled on a black tee shirt and leggings and applying some product to her hair before she combed it and brushed it up in a ponytail. Deciding she looked presentable, she left the bedroom, fresh pain making a ton of noise in her legs but she figured she'd barely feel any after a couple more days, her legs just had to get used to being worked after sustaining such an injury. Her mind knew this but it didn't stop her body from protesting anyway.

With the few minutes she had, she sat down in the living room on the window seat to wait for the girls, looking out amongst the rain. She missed Nick but she couldn't get out of her head what he'd accused her of. Did he really think she'd... Not only that but she still had to tell him about David.

"Doesn't matter." She thought. "Saves a lot explaining to people why we broke up. Maybe it's good that we hadn't told..." Just like that she was in tears.

... ... ...

"Momma can I sleep in your bed tonight, I don't like the thunder." Aria had a genuine look of fear about her as they sat eating dinner.

_THIS! This is exactly the reason we should have talked this through instead of both of us thinking that we could fix it by screwing each others brains out all night!_

"You're such a baby!" Sophia taunted.

"I am not, Thunder's scary."

_Maybe you got off on it, fucking both of us in one night._

"No it's not, and you are too. Baby, baby, baby..."

_If you wanted to hurt me- but I hurt him too._

"Mommy!" Aria cried.

"Damnit Sophia!" Olivia yelled pulling out of her thoughts. "How many times do your father and I have to tell you to stop taunting you sister?"

The room went dead.

"I'm sorry mommy." She said quietly.

Olivia softened her tone before she spoke again. "Sophia, you can't be sorry for something if you do it again and again. You're only offering words that don't mean anything... Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She thought about what Olivia said and shook her head. Again, answering quietly. "Yes mommy." She then turned to Aria with more confidence. "I'm sorry Ari, I won't do it again; this time I mean it."

She got up and went over to Aria and hugged her. "It's okay Sophie." She smiled and hugged her too.

"And I'm sorry mommy; please don't tell daddy."

"Come here." She reached out and hugged them both. "I'm sorry that I yelled." She kissed Sophia's head.

"I'm sorry too." She leaned against Olivia, inhaling her scent. It always made her feel better.

"And you..." She said to Aria "How about we all sleep in my room tonight? We'll watch a movie and have popcorn."

"Oh boy!" Both girls said excitedly.

"Great, now finish your dinner!"

* * *

><p>.<p>

Nick sat alone in his apartment. It had been a hard three days without her and the more time that passed he felt sicker to his stomach. He lied to Olivia, he didn't hear her out when he found her with David and he went and slept with Julia to hurt her only to find out that Olivia never slept with David and if he'd just listened...

_So you know, I did NOT sleep with David! I couldn't because I love you and I couldn't hurt you like that..._

He'd replayed that conversation in his head a million times since it happened on Sunday. Now here he was, days later and it ran even more rampantly through his mind. If there was one thing in this world it was that he loved Olivia and after everything they'd been through together, he couldn't let it end over something like this.

He remembered her after Lewis; it wasn't all that long ago but he remembered. She was nothing like the woman who had disappeared before; the woman with so much light in her eyes and after him it just died; he felt that way after what he had said. He knew that he'd hurt her and he just wanted a chance to make it right but how could he if she wouldn't allow him? Thinking this, he pressed his luck and called her again.

... ... ...

Just after 9:00, Olivia and the girls were lying in bed with frozen playing on the screen. Aria was cuddled up next to her and Sophia was cuddled on Aria but both girls had fallen asleep. Olivia looked very at them and smiled. With all she had to worry about, her daughters were the one constant source of joy for her and she was thankful for that as she kissed Aria and stroked Sophia's hair.

Just as she was about to turn off the TV, her phone started to buzz. She looked over at the screen and saw that it was Nick, immediately she started to ignore it again but then decided that she had to face him at some point and thought now was as good a time as any. She carefully slipped out of bed, so not to wake the girls and walked out of the room, into the hall, leaving the door ajar then answered the phone.

She didn't know what to say when she answered it and just stood there against the wall, listening.

"Liv?" Nick's voice came over the receiver, broken and not sounding like himself. "Please don't hang up."

It hurt her, hearing him for the first time since their fight and she had to fight to keep her emotions in check, a feat that wasn't as easy as it seemed and she cracked, tears in her voice as she stood in the hall.

"...I'm here." She said, looking back at her room, needing something to focus on.

"I've been going crazy these last three days; are the girls alright? Are you okay?"

"The girls are fine, I'm... What about you? Are you..."

"Liv I'm miserable without you. I know that what I said hurt you and I wish to god that I could take it back and if you'll give me another chance, I swear I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you...just come home."

"I don't..."

"Liv please, you miss me, I hear it in your voice and I miss you. We can work this out."

"...it's not that simple."

"Liv, I was stupid okay? That's all..."

"It's not just..." She grew quiet for a moment as she sank to the floor, tears flowing. "I have to tell you something."

"Whatever it is, I don't care. I just want you home."

"Nick...I... I swear to you I never slept with David but..." Her tears continued flowing. "I wasn't exactly honest with you I..."

"Liv don't. It's okay."

"No it's not... The day before... The day before we- Nick... It wasn't 100% your fault...I..." She went on through her tears to tell him all that happened between her and David the day before Nick caught them together, and how far it went before she stopped it. By the time she finished Nick was beyond furious, suddenly forgetting his affair with Julia and focusing on David.

"So I was just what? Playing the fool?" He asked, wiping his eyes.

"What? No...Nick that's not at all why I told you!"

"Then what?!" He yelled. "Cuz I'm here feeling like the biggest ass on earth for the third time in a week so please, tell me what was the point of telling me that the day before I caught you with him..."

"Don't yell at me."

"Don't yell? Are you kidding me?!"

"I knew this was a mistake."

"No, a mistake was me thinking I could trust you... You know what, go be happy with Haden, I am done!"

"Nick..." He hung up his phone and she threw hers and broke down sobbing there in the hall, her head in her hands.

... ... ...

At Nick's he punched a hole in the wall and when that failed to allay his anger he kept punching until there was a large hole and his fist was bleeding and then he turned around and punched the TV in his anger, knocking a hole in it as well before he fell to the floor and sank down in tears.

* * *

><p>.<p>

It was past 10:00 and I sat, still wondering what Thomas was up to. I'd never made it to the clinic out of fear that he'd follow me and now I just sat here, in the living room trying to figure out what he could be up to. Didn't matter, whatever it was, I didn't give a damn, I just had to find a way to get to the clinic without being seen, I was okay as long as I could get rid of this baby without him finding out because there was one thing I was sure of it was Thomas, if he found out about this baby...I don't even wanna think what he'd do!

* * *

><p>.<p>

Over at Julia's, she had just gotten out of the bathtub and had put on her robe when the doorbell rang. She sighed, wondering for the umpteenth time why she didn't keep the staff 24 hours.

"I'll get it!" She said sarcastically, being the only one home and she laughed, making her way out of the bedroom and down the hall until she reached the staircase there in the dark and turned on the light. She leisurely descended the staircase, met by several more urgent rings as she took her time and finally reached the door, mad and flinging it open at this point but her tone changing when she saw who it was.

"Nick! I didn't expect..."

"You alone?" He asked. He had had a couple drinks and right now, he wanted one thing and she was more than prepared to give it to him.

"Just me." She couldn't help biting her lip just thinking of...

"Good!" And he slammed the door as he stepped inside, kissing her like she was the last woman in the world, no further questions though it surprised her, last time his kiss was just for her, whoever she was and now... He slammed her against the wall and quickly undid her robe, kissing his way down and took a bite of her breast. She let out a cry of pain, then ecstasy as he began sucking her nipple into his mouth all while she pulled off his shirt, so ready for him.

In seconds he had wiped the flowers from the table in the foyer and had her down on it, on her stomach where he took her from behind holding her by the hair while he took her and she moaned beneath him. She didn't know what had happened between him and the other woman but right now she offered her prayers to God because this...

She had a lot to be thankful for!

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**More to come, thanks for sticking with me. I would love if you'd leave a comment so how about it? See you next time.**


	27. The Morning After

**This is going fast. I won't say how many more chapters but it's gonna be crazy. Anyway, let's get to it. Dick Wolf owns SVU and Mr? Well I own the imagination that makes all this lovely entertainment possible, enjoy.**

* * *

><p>.<p>

Another night spent sleepless. That sums up my life these days. I went all night wondering if Thomas was out there somewhere and it left me feeling paranoid to say the least, is this what my life has come to? Being basically afraid to leave my house because he might be 'out' there? But that's exactly what he wants and like a scared fool, I keep giving it to him.

I ended up not having the abortion yesterday because I was afraid of what he might do, I know that Julia has offered me protection but I don't think even she can promise me that Thomas will leave me alone, look at him, he says that he accepts and he says goodbye; he even apologized for the way he's treated me but that's not Thomas; God I just need a way to do this, that's all I'm asking. I don't care what happens after, I'll deal with it. I just need a way to...

"Fin." I said off the top of my head. I could take Fin with me; but then I'd have to explain that I'm pregnant and...

"Amanda you're doing it again. You can't protect him..."

* * *

><p>.<p>

At Julia's apartment, Nick was waking up after the night's events, slightly hung over but he did remember last night; him and Julia. He sexed her all night long and right now, waking up with memories from his conversation with Olivia, he was ready to do it again as he reached for her only to be met by a cold bed as he reached for her.

"Julia..." He looked around, taking in the lavish bedroom suite drew his naked body out of bed. Just then Julia emerged from the bathroom, having just emerged from the shower with no towel on.

"Hi." She said.

"Hi. You're wet."

"Yes I am and don't you look delectable?" She said as she approached him, tracing his collarbone with her finger.

"Do I now?" Nick asked.

"Mmm hmm. In fact. I'm glad that you're... Up."

"Oh yeah."

"Yeah"

"Why is that?"

"Because I...want you..." She kissed his lips then made her way behind his ear. "To feel every inch..." She took his penis in her hand and stroked it, paying special attention to the head.

"Of what I'm about to do to you."

"Fuck!" He said, sucking his breath in through his teeth and she smiled. With that she dropped to her knees and teased his balls with her tongue while she stroked his dick before taking them in her mouth while he stood there moaning.

* * *

><p>.<p>

After having spent the night not sleeping, Olivia got up from her spot on the sofà and opened the drapes looking out on the morning sky.

Gray. She thought, thinking it was exactly how she felt.

_"So I was just what? Playing the fool?" He asked, wiping his eyes._

"_What? No...Nick that's not at all why I told you!"_

_"Then what?!" He yelled. "Cuz I'm here feeling like the biggest ass on earth for the third time in a week so please, tell me what was the point of telling me that the day before I caught you with him..."_

_"Don't yell at me."_

_"Don't yell? Are you kidding me?!"_

_"I knew this was a mistake."_

_"No, a mistake was me thinking I could trust you... You know what, go be happy with Haden, I am done!"_

She tried to shake it off, tried to clear her head but in the end, it kept coming back. She'd tried to be honest with Nick because she loved him and she wanted to put things right between them but now...

Looking over at the clock; 6:17. The girls would be up in a hour and she'd have to carry on with life like everything was fine when in reality all she wanted was to curl up in her bed and not deal for a couple days but of course that could never be, the last time she'd broken down had been after Lewis and she couldn't...

"Why do you let your mind go to these places?" She wondered. The fact of the matter was, no matter how heartbroken she felt she needed to be okay for her babies and she would be - even if it meant crying when they weren't around, but when they were in her presence she would be the picture of happy.

But right now, she was gonna go and have a shower and try not to let her tears overtake her as she picked up her phone. She missed him.

* * *

><p>.<p>

"So you wanna tell me why we goin to an abortion clinic?" Fin said as he walked through the door of my apartment.

"It's not what you think."

"I _think _you got into a situation with that loser that you can't see your way out of and this is your chance to fix it."

"Okay, it is what you think... Fin I messed up!"

"Look, I'm not judging you okay? We all mess up once in a while, hell, I know I used to."

"Thank you. I couldn't deal with it right now."

"You ready to go!"

"Yeah... You know, you're a good partner Fin."

"Partner? So I take it you're coming back to work?" He said with a huge grin.

"I am."

"Good. Now you know when this is over I will be askin questions."

"And I'll answer them on one condition; you don't go after Thomas. I want it over." Fin Just looked at her as they left the apartment.

* * *

><p>.<p>

"Ahhh..." He had her against the wall in her large shower and he was screwing her hard.

"Oh god don't stop...don't stop."

"Come for me mami."

"DON'T STOP... Oh Goddd!" She wrapped her body around him, wanting him close. "I'm coming...I'm coming...I'm, ohhhh!" Julia was coming and Nick couldn't control it, he let go and he came with her, hard.

"Oh God... Olivia..." He stopped and was unsettled by what he said but Julia was so enraptured in her own ecstasy, she didn't notice, arms and legs around him in the throes of yet another powerful orgasm.

... ... ...

An hour later he left her apartment with his mind all over the place. There was only one woman he wanted so why was he wasting his time with her substitute? Yes, Julia was one hell of a woman but she wasn't her. There was only one Olivia... And she had made a fool of him with David; as much as he loved her, his pride wouldn't let him get over that.

* * *

><p>.<p>

At Thomas's office, he was preparing to go to a meeting when Julia barged in.

"Oh god..."

"That's no way to greet me, Thomas, manners!" She said as she took of her sunglasses and took a seat on one the modern sofas situated on the side of the room. She was glorious in a lilac Carolina Herrera skirt suit that she accentuated with 6 inch black cutout booties and a black bustier, and as much as Thomas wanted to choke her...

"What is it now Julia?" He asked. "Come to shoot me in the other side of my ribs?"

"Fun as that sounds, no. I'm here for other reasons."

"Other reasons? Like what?" He said suspiciously as he walked over to the sitting area.

"Other reasons like I'm done."

"With?" He sat down to make himself comfortable.

"You of course. I've changed my mind, I'm not going to give you thirty days to come to a decision, your time ends now - and before you start in on your "_my lawyers need time_", you and I both know that they've looked it over for a few days now, and there's nothing they can do about it though they've undoubtedly tried. The point is, I want you out of my life, you want me out of yours-"

"Only I'm not charging you a fortune."

"Only I'm not the one who could go to jail, we all have our crosses to bear sweetie."

"I give you what you want and I have nothing."

"Twenty percent of a billion is nothing to sneeze at Thomas, spare me the dramatics."

"Julia please-"

"This or prison Thomas, let's hear it." She demanded as she drew the papers from her purse along with a pen.

"Don't do this!"

"Tick tock." She said, looking at her nails with their black tips. "Time is money!" And she gave a little laugh. Thomas quickly grabbed the pen and prepared to scribble his signature on the line.

"Can't we come to another agreement?"

"Of course we can, you give me back the children you cost me, the time spent in the hospital healing from surgeries and let's not forget all the times you raped me when the beatings weren't enough for you. This is the agreement, and you'd better consider yourself lucky. Now sign the damn paper!" She glared, and he saw in her eyes no room for negotiation. He bowed, with defeat about him and signed.

"I don't know how or when, but you mark my words; you are going to pay for this, do you hear me?"

"I've already paid, consider this reparations." She looked over the agreement and put it in her purse then stood. "That wasn't so bad now was it baby?" He looked at her with contempt in his eyes as she she began walking out.

"Oh, by the way..." She stopped and took a folded piece of paper from her purse and tossed it to him.

"What is this?" He said, unfolding the paper.

"My fuck you letter! Have a nice life!" She said and strutted out of the office. Thomas bawled the letter in his hands, not bothering to read it, and tossed it in the trash. He was so full of contempt in the moment, all he could see was vowing on everything that he would make her pay for this.

And outside his office, she too made a vow. _"The taking is just getting started, you bastard."_

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**See you all next time. Remember, reviews are love.**


	28. Beginning The End

**What are those crazy patrons up to next? Let's find out. Dick Wolf owns, I just borrow.**

* * *

><p>.<p>

Later that afternoon after my appointment at the clinic, the abortion had been performed and now Fin saw me home. After getting me settled on the couch, he went about checking to see if I was okay.

"Talk to me."

"I'm fine."

"Like hell. You forget I was right there? I saw what it did to you even though you tried to be strong." I was still trying to be strong but at that point I lost it and my tears began to flow nonstop.

"Hey, it's alright." He said with his arm around me.

"I thought that I could be okay with it; that I could just do it and be done ya know? My life would go back to the way it was and that would be that... I didn't count on it hitting me this hard."

"Are you thinkin that you made the wrong choice?"

"I just wish that I hadn't gotten myself in such a bind. I wish that I hadn't been so stupid and I wish that I'd never met Thomas!" I said and put my head down in his lap.

... ... ...

Over the next two weeks I fell into a deep depression before I had come to terms with what I had to do. I knew in my heart that it was the best thing for everyone concerned, especially the baby. I could not have a child and have it looking over its shoulder; I couldn't be looking over my shoulder all of his or her life, I wouldn't do that to a child.

Yesterday, I finally got out of bed and I went to Central Park. I felt that it was finally time to say goodbye to the baby but I couldn't do it alone. I called Olivia and she agreed to meet me there. I bought a small bunch of balloons, and to them I tied a small handwritten note that read: _Forgive me._ Out on the central lawn, amidst the sunshine, I released them and watched as they rose through the air, I watched until they were so high that I could barely see them and the wind took them north.

"Wanna talk?" Olivia asked as we walked through the park. We had come to one of those out of the way roads and decided to sit for a while to rest her leg.

"Not really... I just...I wish that I had listened to you in the first place you know? Thomas...he was no good for me and you knew it."

"Amanda, don't do this to yourself. The important thing is you got out and you're safe."

"Don't forget stupid and naive."

"You fell in love. Love makes us do crazy things."

"It wasn't all love... The real reason I ran from Morocco was because he..."

"Amanda"

"More than once. I thought that if I...I don't know, I just; I'd never been more humiliated."

"I'm so sorry." Olivia said sincerely as she held me. "I wish I had known, I wish you felt you could have trusted me, truster one of us."

"It wasn't trust." I said as I sat up. "I know that I can trust you guys I just; if I had told you, you would have come after Thomas and made me stay away and I didn't want that to happen. I thought that I could change him into a person who didn't do those things and I was wrong; I was so wrong." And that's when my tears broke and I fell into Olivia's arms and just cried.

"It's okay; I promise it'll be okay now."

* * *

><p>.<p>

For two weeks now, depression had him in its grips and it didn't seem to be getting any better. He missed Olivia, missed her so much that it pained his soul and yet, he still couldn't talk to her. Every time he wanted to he saw David touching her in his mind and that made him punch a wall so he'd always put the phone away and find a way to occupy his time; that was usually with work. Since that night and morning with Julia, he's been pretty much nonstop, working around the clock and ignoring her advice.

_"Why are you back here a second time?" She asked as they came out of the shower._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Nick, as much as I enjoy you" she put her arms around him. "...and I thoroughly enjoy you. But I know that you're not into this"_

_"Of course I'm into it. Would I be here if I wasn't?"_

_"Is that a rhetorical question?" She asked. He laughed silently. "you're not over her. I heard you call me Olivia..."_

_"What?" He said._

_"You going to deny it?" She gave a smile while he let out a deep breath._

_"Julia...I'm sorry."_

_"Nick I get it, you love her. I'm just glad I got to borrow you." They let out a laugh. "get her back, as good a lover you are, you're miserable without her."_

_"That obvious?" _

She was right, he knew it but he still couldn't face her. He figured he might as well keep busy, there was a murder to solve and Mr. Answari was putting pressure on the NYPD he wanted the man who killed his daughter. He had even suggested to Nick that if he found the man and told him his name just a half hour before he told the police, there would be a _very_ handsome payout and Nick would earn his favor for life. While the thought of the money seemed good, Nick understood his pain. If god forbid, Zara were ever hurt this way, he wouldn't want the perp going through arrest and trial, he, like Mr. Answari would want his own justice delivered. To hell with the law.

He looked at his watch, 6:45, he had been staring at this case file for too long. He stopped and rubbed his eyes. He needed to take a break from this place, a break from the case and it was with this that he headed out of the precinct.

* * *

><p>.<p>

The water had gone cold in my bath I guess while I sat there daydreaming and it was quite chilly by the time I'd snapped out of it long enough to notice. Quickly I washed off and got out, thankful for the warmth of the oversized towels I wrapped myself in as I went to my bedroom.

After I had slipped into my pajamas, deciding that I'd be in for the night, I looked over the takeout menus and ordered dinner before grabbing a beer and a book and stepping out on the terrace to read until dinner arrived when suddenly the doorbell rang and I stepped inside to answer it.

"Nick! What are you doing here?" To say that I was surprised was a understatement.

"I wanted to check on you, see how you're doing. How are you?" He asked with a hug and a kiss to my cheek.

"I'm okay...it's so good to see you." And I hugged him again.

"Am I interrupting?"

"No, no. Come on in. Can I get you a beer?" I said as he came in and I shut the door.

"No I'm still working. I heard about everything from Fin, Amanda I'm so sorry."

"Thank you. I um, I don't really wanna talk about it anymore so..."

"Understood. Is there anything I can do, anything you need?"

"Uhhh, got a time machine in your pocket?"

"Fresh out." I gave a wan laugh and then there I was overcome by sadness again felt my tears starting up. Nick didn't badger me with words as he held out his arms and let me cry and I was thankful.

... ... ...

After, I decided to take my mind off of things and ask him how he was doing. I'd noticed the look on his face, he was doing a horrible job at hiding his distress and when I asked him...

"I came to see about you."

"I'm fine, come on if you talk about it, you'll feel better."

"Amanda, I'm okay. Really."

"Listen, somebody in our bunch has to be happy; Fin wrote it off a long time ago, I'm done with men for a long time, so that leaves you and Liv. Now, I don't know what's goin on, but I know that you love her and I know that whatever it is, you can work it out. Just don't give up if she's what you want."

"Okay, how do you know about me and Liv?"

"Nick seriously? Come on, me and Fin have known for ages, I mean we're a bunch of detectives around each other all day. Look, all I'm sayin is this: it's obvious that she makes you happy and you make her happy and all I see is you two are miserable without each other. Don't let this go to waste over something that can be fixed if you love her."

"Its not that simple."

"It is that simple."

"I don't even know where she is."

"She's at Alex's."

"What? You mean all along she's been..."

"Right here. And I know she wants you back as much as you do. The ball's in your court."

"Amanda, you can't expect it to fix itself just like that. I gotta go."

"I hope it's to her." Before I knew it he kissed me on the cheek and left.

* * *

><p>.<p>

"What is it that you need?" Thomas asked his associate as he picked up the phone.

"Where have you been?"

"I was busy."

"For two whole weeks?"

"Do you have a reason for calling me?"

"Yes. Sorry. Uh, just remember that that I tried to get in touch with you and..."

"You are wasting my time and you know how I feel about that, now will you speak?"

"Right. Uh the girlfriend, she and the moolie took a trip two weeks ago."

"And?"

"And they went to an abortion clinic."

Thomas sat frozen for a long moment.

"Wait for my call." And he hung up.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Later that night at the 27th, Nick stood at the board carefully going over the evidence. Instead of going to Olivia's he backed out and went back to the precinct when he'd gotten so far as standing outside the building but losing his nerve. Right now he was missing something, he knew it and if he could just put that one piece into the puzzle... _This didn't make any sense_, he thought. He'd looked at it from every angle, had called and had Fin take a look at it and still nothing. Maybe he was tired he said as he took a seat at his desk. Maybe a night off would set his mind straight. He needed to talk to Olivia. He needed to hold Olivia and tell her that they could go back to before they messed up and just start again. Amanda was right, why should they...

"Amaro, you're outta here." He heard his captain's voice as she approached.

"Excuse me?"

"It's Thursday. Which means you've been here almost two weeks. Go home."

"But I..."

"Amaro, go home and get some rest. You're no good to the case if you don't get some sleep."

"I can't sleep."

"Not my problem. Take 2 days."

"But captain"

"No argument. I expect you outta here in 20." She said and walked away. Nick dragged a hand down his face and sighed.

* * *

><p>.<p>

"So, you guys ready for your party on Saturday?" David asked. Sophia was painting his nails while Aria was putting the finishing touches on his makeup.

"I wish it were Saturday now." Aria said.

"Me too." Sophia agreed. "Okay Daddy, all done."

"Me too!" Aria added.

"Let's see." David said, dreading looking in the mirror. Aria grabbed it and the both held it up for him.

"Ta daaa." They both announced. He looked to see way too much- of everything and his eyes were drawn crooked thanks to eyeliner that put way more on one than the other, ironically the same liner that was thick on this lips with pink lipstick filled in and a mole made from eye shadow. Purple eye shadow. Not to mention orange and green nails. He looked deranged.

"Wow. You know, if I were a girl I would totally date myself cuz I am hot!"

"You like it?" They both asked. Excited.

"I love it. In fact, why don't we take a picture to send to mommy? I'm sure she'd love to see this." He said as he photographed himself with Arie and Soph on either side and wrote something funny with it.

"I hope she likes it." Soph said

"Yeah." Aria chimed in. "She's been really sad lately."

"She has?" David asked.

"Uh huh. We're not supposed to know so don't tell but we hear her cry sometimes." Sophia confided.

"Daddy; did we do something wrong to make mommy so sad?"

"No baby. You and your sister did nothing wrong, I promise." He hugged them both.

"Then why is she sad?" They asked and he answered feeling disgusted with himself.

"Because sometimes Daddy's don't see what they're doing until it's too late."

* * *

><p>.<p>

"Hey, if you need me, you know I'm just a phone call away."

"I'll keep that in mind. Goodnight Liv." Amanda said.

"Goodnight Amanda." And she hung up the phone only to have it vibrate as soon as she put it down. She lifted it to see a message and opened it to see a picture of David with the girls in full makeup but he looked like a blind person did it. But what got her was the caption. _Next contestant for the Miss Trailer Park pageant. Git er dunn! _She burst into laughter as she lowered the phone, then lifted it and began typing.

_[Much needed laugh. Thk u.] _And she put the phone down. A few minutes later a text came through.

_[Thought you could use it. You're welcome.]_

_[Are the girls up?]_

_[Just went down 10 min ago.]_

_[Oh.]_

A couple of minutes passed and then...

_[We need to talk.]_

_[About what?] _Then just that fast, her phone rang.

"David? What's going on, are the girls okay?"

"The girls are fine. It's not them." He said, drying his face.

"Then what?"

"Liv I-"

"You...?"

"I just wanna say, I'm sorry. I didn't believe there was a boyfriend and when I found out there was, getting rid of him became my number one mission. I didn't stop to consider how you felt and I'm sorry. There aren't words."

"What brought this on?"

"Don't get mad at them, but the girls told me how sad you've been lately."

"I don't-"

"How they can hear you cry... They think it's their fault."

"I never meant-" she said in tears.

"It's okay. I explained to them that it's nothing they did wrong, but Liv, I've been in the wrong and for that I'm sorry. If Amaro is who makes you happy then I won't stand in your way." He was surprised when he was met with only the sounds of her crying softly.

"Liv?"

"I'm here."

"Why are you crying?"

"Because he knows about what happened between us. I wanted to put everything on the table and so I told him...I haven't heard from him in a couple weeks...I lost him."

"Olivia, all this time, i didn't know. I'm so sorry."

"It's my fault. I should never have let it go there, I was stupid and I lost him. I just have to deal."

"Liv..."

"Kiss the girls for me. And thanks for calling but I'll be fine." And she hung up and dropped her head into her hands.

... ... ...

Over at David's he was worried about Liv. He honestly hadn't known that it had gone on so long and he certainly didn't know that Olivia had told Nick everything. He picked up the phone again and dialed. "Hi Vanessa it's David. Listen I'm sorry to call so late but do you think you could come over and stay with the girls? Thank you...I'll see you in 10!"

He wouldn't let her be alone.

... ... ...

Thirty minutes later David was in the elevator in Alex's building rushing up to the top floor when the elevator finally stopped and he got off. He slowly walked over to the door and stared at it for a minute, unsure if he should be there but knowing that Olivia didn't need to be alone and it was with this that he rang the bell.

Inside, Olivia was having a glass of wine while going over case files. She was returning to work on Monday and needed to familiarize herself, having worked all week from home. She was reading three of them when she heard the doorbell and quickly wiped her eyes as she opened the door.

"David."

"I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have come but I was worried about you."

"Where are our children?!" She said, freaked out.

"It's okay, they're with the nanny."

"Don't scare me like that!" She said, stepping aside to allow him in.

"I'm sorry."

"Look, as you can see, I'm fine so you don't need to be here." She said.

"Olivia...I can't help but feel like this is my fault."

"It's not. I'm the one who decided I had to be honest with Nick; I guess I shouldn't have." She picked up her glass and took a sip. "Where are my manners, would you like a glass?" She quickly got up and went to the bar.

"'88 Merlot. You never did like the cheap stuff!" He said as he took a hearty sip from her glass as he took a seat on the couch where she was previously seated.

"Cheap stuff is for kids. I'm a grownup."

"You most certainly are." He mumbled under his breath as she came back with a glass for him but ended up pouring herself a glass when she saw that he was already enjoying hers.

"Some things never change." She smiled as she sat down. David let out a laugh.

"I miss this." He said. "I miss us being able to just be with each other and be okay... I'm sorry I ruined it, ruined us."

"You did what you did but ultimately it was me." Tears started to fall from her eyes and she quickly wiped them. "I don't know what's wrong with me..."

"Nothing's wrong with you."

"Yeah? Since I was 16 I've sabotaged every relationship I've had."

"You didn't sabotage us"

"That's because it was doomed from the start, I didn't have to." She sat back and took a sip from her glass.

"Touché. " he said, raising his glass.

... ... ...

"Do you think I'll ever be happy?" Olivia asked him an hour later as she sat on the couch, relaxed in his arms.

"I think you're an amazing woman and any man would be lucky to have you."

"Except Nick."

"Nick's an ass and I'll say that a million times. If he can't see what he's got..."

"It's time to move on...I've waited two weeks and he hasn't so much as given a phone call. I mean who does that? Even if he were mad, I deserve an explanation, I deserve..." Without another word, she kissed David.

"What are you doing?" He asked, already feeling like an overzealous teenager.

"Kissing you."

"Liv, maybe we shouldn't."

"Why? This is what you wanted and I need to forget."

He was struggling to hold it together and tried to talk to her. "You're not thinking straight. You don't want this."

"I am thinking straight and this is what I want."

"Are you sure?" Olivia looked him in his eyes and kissed him, he needed no further confirmation and took control of the kiss, cupping her face in his hands and going deep, the two of them desperately clawing at each other. He pulled her shirt off over her head and went back to kissing her as she unbuttoned his shirt and took it off him, sliding it over his muscles, never pulling her lips away. David, while they were kissing, undid the clasps on her bra and threw it across the room, laying her down on the oversized sofa and climbing on top of her.

"You're so beautiful." He said caressing her face. "Still so beautiful..." She looked up at him and smiled before he dropped his head to her breasts, taking turns with them, kissing, licking and gently biting her nipples then drawing them into his mouth to suck them causing her to cry out.

"Still sensitive." He said smiling.

"Shut up and get my pants off!"

"Just like old times." He said and went back to kissing her lips and took hold of her yoga pants, pulling them down and off, kissing her everywhere he saw exposed skin, driving her crazy. He put his hand to her pussy, his fingers parting her and rubbing her clit, stopping to suck her from his fingers before going back and nearly driving her to come. She laid there in ecstasy, her legs splayed across his lap and moaning so exquisitely, he thought he'd come just from hearing her, _God she sounded so sexy!_ But the knew he wasn't ready yet and forced his body to tame itself while he went down and inserted his fingers; one at first to get her going- she was so fucking wet he couldn't believe it, and he quickly put in two thick fingers and began to twist them, just like he'd done that night, only this time there was no stopping. She cried out, offering herself to him, spreading her legs even further. She wanted every bit of what he was offering and could not get it fast enough.

"David... Oh god... Please don't stop. Please..." He kissed her, keeping the motion going and when he lowered his mouth to lick her while her hands travelled through his hair and she moaned his name, she lost it and came right there as he sucked her juices and she lay there breathless and trembling as he kissed his way up and they held each other, her planting kisses to his face as tears sprang from her eyes. He stared down at her for a long moment, saying nothing with his mouth but saying everything with his eyes, the way he looked at her as he caressed her face and kissed her so sweetly as she looked back at him. He wondered how he could ever live his life without this woman.

"Are you okay?" She nodded, tears flowing and said:

"I don't want to stop. Please David." He looked at her and kissed her face. He couldn't believe they were about to do this after all this time.

He hooked her leg under his arm, pushing it back to open her and in one swift motion he was buried inside her. She gasped at feeling all of him again after so many years, whimpering at the slight ache she remembered and urged him to stay still for a minute to adjust. She looked up at him and kissed him and it was all he could do to not come right then. The feeling of her overwhelmed him and looking down into her eyes, seeing how beautiful she was, seeing the lust in her eyes; it was written all over her face. She gave him the okay to move and he was careful at first but when her moans became too much for him to bear he became fervent, their lovemaking urgent and he knew he wouldn't last long. She felt too good but for the time he lasted he'd make it count and drove her over the egde even further with the way he loved her.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Two days came and went. Two days where Nick sat, still debating whether to go to Olivia, he had no idea that she had already slept with David, if he had there is no way he would've even thought about showing his face anywhere near them. That Saturday was the twins birthday party and Zara had been so excited to go, Nick couldn't tell her that she couldn't and decided to take her, deciding he wouldn't hurt his daughter because he and Olivia were having problems and so against his better judgement, he headed to the Hamptons.

"I can't wait to see Olivia and the twins. I feel like I haven't seen them in forever!"

"Zara, you know we can't stay long." Nick said keeping his eyes on the road.

"But why? You still haven't told me."

"Because...because we can't, I'm sorry mi amor."

He didn't watch her reaction to see the long face she made.

... ... ...

At David's Hampton's estate, Olivia was standing on the upstairs balcony overlooking the backyard. She could see the children who were downstairs, swimming in the pool with the nanny while she was on the phone. David came out to join her just as she was ending the call and heading downstairs.

"Yeah, I'll see you when you get here..." She hung up and turned around. "What are you doing up here?" She said to David.

"Well, I figured we have about twenty minutes before we're bombarded with guests..." He said.

"And you figured what? You'd come bother me until then?"

"Haha... You are gorgeous in the suit."

"Too bad you won't see it without the wrap, it's hot!" She said as she left the balcony and walked inside her bedroom.

"Hey, you know..."

"Uh uh!"

"Come on!"

"David, I told you, I don't wanna be pressured." He put his arms around her from behind and she immediately pushed him off. "Don't do that."

"Liv."

"No, David we agreed that until I know what I want you'd keep your distance."

"And I will. I just... Liv, are you thinking that night was a mistake?"

"David look at me...I do not regret that night, I knew what I was doing and it was anything but a mistake...but that doesn't mean I'm ready to jump back into us. No matter how amazing you were."

"Amazing?"

"Oh come off it, a lots changed in seven years; making love to you will never be one of them. Tell you what, take one of the four times we did it two nights ago, and let your imagination run wild! See you downstairs." And she left.

"I've been doing that, it's what got me here!" He yelled after her only to be met with a far off laugh from her.

... ... ...

Okay Zara, remember, we're only staying for just a bit." She looked up at him wanting to roll her eyes but knowing better. "Hey, don't give me that look."

"What look?" She asked as they continued inside. When he rung the doorbell, he could feel himself growing nervous and all he wanted to do was get back in his car and drive. He wouldn't care where he was going, he just wanted to be away from here, away from...

"Liv..." She looked like a vision to him.

"Nick..." They both froze on the spot.

"Hi Olivia!" Zara said as she hugged her tight, bringing her out of her reverie.

"Zara, hi sweetie!" She said as she hugged her back

"Where's Aria and Sophia!"

"They're right out back. Come on, I'll take you." Suddenly the doorbell rang again. "Uh, just one second." She opened the door to find Amanda on the other side.

"You made it."

"Of course." They hugged. "Hey Nick, Zara."

"Hi ant Amanda." Zara said and hugged her. Nick simply waved.

"Um...why don't I take your gifts with mine and put them out back? Then we can get to swimming!" She handed her gifts to Zara and took Nick's.

"It's okay, I can take them." He said.

"Nooo you can't."

"Why don't I help you with..." Olivia started.

"We'll manage. Come on Zara!" And the two of them left. Nick and Olivia stood there in the foyer, awkwardly. Unsure of what to say to each other and there was a long quiet between them.

"I only came because Zara wouldn't let up, but we can..."

"No, stay... The girls will be glad to see you both; they miss you."

"I miss them too... You uh, you look great."

"Thanks, I, you do too." They both worried their lip with their teeth while looking at the ground. It was Olivia who decided that it's now or never.

"Why won't...it's been two weeks and you won't talk to me and I just...well I know why but I don't understand." She got teary. "I never meant to...I'm sorry, I shouldn't..." And she turned to leave.

"Liv wait..." She stopped and turned around. "I wanted to talk you but I didn't know what to say. You hurt me that day with what you told me."

"I just wanted you to know everything, I didn't, I didn't want there to be secrets between us, I didn't..."

"Let's not do this now." He said, his eyes starting to well up.

"Nick"

"What do you want me to do? Break down, beg you, cry? It's been over two weeks and all I've been able to do is sit there and drive myself crazy, staring at the phone, wanting to call you but every time; EVERY TIME I could imagine you with him and I could see him all over you."

"Nick, nothing ha-" Her eyes were full of tears that had run over

"You were naked with him"." He said in a hushed but angry voice. "He touched you in a way that only I was supposed to, only me...and as much as I want to, I can't get past that!" He wiped his eyes and nose." I'm gonna say hi to the twins." And he walked off leaving Olivia standing there in tears. She watched him leave then turned and went down the hall into the bathroom to cry.

... ... ...

Outside David saw Nick and walk out of the house and hurried over to him.

"Nick, hey nice to see you. Nobody told me you'd be here."

"What do you want Haden? Still want to gloat"

"Come on Amaro, we're older than that."

"You're right, now why don't you get out of my face while the day is still salvageable?" Nick spotted the twins with Zara across the yard.

"Where's Olivia? I thought you two would be working things out."

"You know what Haden..."

"Uncle Nick!" The girls came running across the yard.

"Hi Mr. Haden" Zara smiled.

"Hey Zara." David said.

"Daddy, come play Marco Polo with us."

"Yeah uncle Nick, please" the girls begged.

"Girls I don't really-"

"Please!" The three of them said.

"Okay, okay. Let's go play Mark Polo"

"Yay!" And they walked off. When they were out of sight, David walked back into the house to look for Olivia. He walked through a few rooms before he headed for the stairs and just as he was headed up, he heard the faint sounds of someone crying in the bathroom and he headed back down.

"Olivia?" He went a little closer and knocked. "Liv?"

"I'll be out in a minute."

"Liv are you okay?" He waited and finally...

"I'm fine"

"Like hell you are, Liv I'm coming in."

"David don't..." But before she could get to the door to lock it, he had already come in.

"What did that idiot do?" He asked as he shut the door and took her in his arms.

"It's nothing." She told him as she pulled away, wiping her tears.

"It's not nothing. What did he say to you?"

"Nothing, I'll be fine."

"Fine? Then why are you in here crying?"

"I don't wanna talk about it." He cornered her against the wall and forced her to look at him.

"Olivia, last time!" She looked at him for a long moment and kissed him for a what felt like a long time. "Olivia..."

"Fuck me." She said kissing him.

"Not like this."

She undid her swimsuit, letting it fall down around her waist. He stared audaciously before he couldn't help it and brushed her nipple with his fingers and pulled it as she gasped. With no further words he lifted her and put her on the counter, kissing her passionately as she wrapped her long legs around him and he began sucking her breasts. "Oh David... Oh god!" She cried as he slid her swimsuit to the side and didn't wait. He went right to fucking her hard and fast. Her arms wrapped around him pulling him close while she met his thrusts, whimpering as he drove into her again and again.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Later that night after all the guests had gone,Amanda were the last to leave.

"I had such a great time, thanks for having me." Amanda said. "It feels good to get back to normal."

"Oh you're welcome." Olivia said. "Feels good seeing you out with us; like old times!"

"i guess it is. Well, goodnight guys." She hugged Olivia and shook David's hand and got in her car before David went back inside. "Kiss the girls for me."

"I will, get home safe." Olivia said to her. Just before she was about to go inside...

"Liv"

"Yeah?" She asked as she made her way to the car.

"You and Nick... You two ever gonna fix it?"

"I wish I knew. Just... Goodnight Amanda."

"Goodnight." Were her final words and she drove off. Olivia watched her for a few minutes until she was down the driveway and as soon as she drove past the gate, she went inside and locked the door, putting on the security code and heading to the kitchen where David was.

"I thought you'd gone upstairs." She said.

"Thought I'd have a beer, want one?" He said as she came around to the island counter.

"Please" he got up and went to the fridge to get her one but she was already drinking his when he came back. He smiled and popped the cap off the new one and took a seat, taking a sip.

"Well we got through today."

"Thank god. 30 kids..." She took a sip.

"Tell me about it." There was a long silence and then... "We uh, Liv I'm sorry for..."

"Don't be. I wanted it."

"It's just, what does it mean for us? I love you and I've made no secret of that..."

"I wouldn't want you to. I'm gonna grab a nice hot bath and get to bed. Goodnight David."

"You know, I could join you"

"Not tonight." She said, feeling melancholy. She kissed his cheek and headed up the back stairs.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Three hours later, due to traffic, I finally arrived home from the hamptons. I pulled up in the parking garage and got out of the car, getting my bag and heading upstairs. After some walking I stepped onto the elevator and rode up, feeling tired at the thought of my bed and just wanting a hot shower and some sleep. I got off when the elevator came to my floor and quickly I dug out my keys and unlocked the door, happy to be home at last and after I locked the door and armed the alarm system I dropped my bag there in the foyer and headed straight to my room. Once there I immediately stripped out of my dress that was covering my swimsuit and then stripped that off too, letting them fall where they landed and headed into the bathroom, turning on the hot water and getting right in, letting the water wash over me as my hair got wet and I quickly grabbed the shampoo to wash it.

After 20 minutes I was all washed and got out of the shower, reaching for a giant bath towel to dry off with while I used a smaller one on my hair. I put on a tee shirt after I was done, quickly blew my hair dry, brushed my teeth and turned out the light to the bathroom. As usual I headed to the kitchen for a glass of water, and turning out that light when I was done when on the way back to my bedroom I heard:

"You aborted our baby" immediately I jumped and a light came on in the living room to reveal Thomas sitting in the chair by the window.

"How did you get in here?" I said as i moved toward the door. Something about him this time had me fearing for my life and I wanted out of there.

"That's not important Angel" he said as he stood and came towards me.

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**Damn. More to come. Reviews are love so leave me some love. See you guys next time.**


	29. Save Amanda?

**Almost home. It's been a blast but this story is almost done, 1 more chapter, or maybe 2 after this one, so I hope you guys have had a good time reading. That being said, Dick Wolf owns and I just like to stir shit up, enjoy!**

* * *

><p>.<p>

"You know, the doctor did suggest that you take at least six weeks off work, would it kill you to slow down a bit?" David asked. Now that he had the family together at The Hamptons estate, he wanted so much to keep them there just a bit longer.

"Yes, actually it would. I've been taking it easy for three weeks now, it's time." She said as she took the tart from the oven and David handed her a plate. Olivia actually couldn't wait to get back to work. She needed something to keep her mind off Nick- or so she thought work would. The truth of the matter being when all would be said and done and the work was done, every night she'd go home and there he'd be; holding her thoughts hostage.

"Olivia, you know, I've told you a thousand times since the girls were born, you don't have to work."

"Here we go again... Hand me the powdered sugar."

"Yes again; our children like having their mother around... I like having their mother around" she smiled as he got the sugar from the cabinet and gave it to her. "Liv, let me take care of you" She was about to say something when the girls ran into the kitchen.

"Hi" they said happily.

"Hi...what's going on?" Olivia wondered, a smile on her face and turning to look at David who gave a shrug.

"Okay, what's up?" He said. The twins looked at each other with smiles on their faces then turned to face their parents.

"We were thinking..."

"Oh boy" Olivia joked as she finished the fruit salad.

"Mommy!" They whined and went to curl up to David, one on either side.

"Uh oh!" David laughed

"Daddy, would it be okay if Brittany and Zoei came over tomorrow?" Sophia started.

"And stayed the week?" Aria finished and they both looked up and smiled as bright as they could. David looked at Olivia for help.

"Hey, don't look at me. I won't be here so this is all on _you_" she said and went into the dining room carrying the last three dishes.

"_That's right! _Your mother won't be here, so, sorry girls!"

"Daddy!"

"Sorry kiddos!" He cupped both their faces, they stood there looking bereft. Olivia came back and saw their faces and immediately piped up.

"What's wrong?"

"Ah, they can't have a sleepover with Brittany and Zoei for the week because you won't be here, they're kinda pissed." Olivia felt bad so she offered them this:

"Okay, how about I ask their mom on Friday when I come back and you guys can have the weekend?"

"Can we?" They exclaimed excitedly.

"Promise."

"Thanks mommy" They both yelled before hugging her tight.

"You're welcome..." She kissed them both. "Come on, let's go have brunch and we'll watch movies before I have to go.." She said and took their hands to lead them away.

"Come on daddy." Aria said as she grabbed David's hand and they walked out together.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Sunday should have been a day for rest and relaxation but that wasn't the case, Nick, try as he might had been up all night thinking about he and Olivia...and David and Olivia, he could see at the party yesterday how comfortable they seemed around each other but at the same time he could see what he'd done. She'd been inseparable from David the rest of the party but he knew it was only because he'd hurt her, he caught her eyes more than a few times and he could see it, she was wearing it and he'd never felt so bad in his life! For the first time, he realized what he was doing to her; she had messed up, there was no sidestepping that but then so had he. Two nights with Julia, two nights that he never admitted to Olivia because he wanted to believe that somehow he was justified in cheating though he knew it was wrong, two nights where he was with a physical copy of her but he needed to believe that he was right in creeping around, they were after all technically broken up, and he had thought that she cheated with David at least one of those times but the truth was he was wrong, especially when he slept with Julia the first time. When Olivia told him about David, all he saw was his anger. He didn't take the time to understand, didn't take the time... Now he was afraid that it was too late and he wondered if perhaps...

"Serves me right if she has." He said aloud as Zara came back from the bathroom of the restaurant they were in. "Hey, princess. Ready to order?"

* * *

><p>.<p>

Early that afternoon, with the the rain outside and the twins on the floor in their Elsa tent watching _'Frozen'_ yet again, it was finally quiet in the large house, something that after two days filled with the girls bouncing around like crazy, Liv and David were happy to have as they sat on the couch of the huge, comfy family room just laying back eating popcorn while the girls watched the movie.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He whispered. He'd had been stealing glances at her for 45 minutes, trying to find a way to talk to her. All through brunch she'd been there, was even active in their conversations but he could see that her mind was elsewhere.

"Just thinking that I'm gonna miss the girls when I go back." She whispered back then put a piece of popcorn in her mouth.

"Then don't go." He whispered, moving closer.

"David..."

"I'm sorry...it's just hard to say goodbye when I just got you back." He let his finger trail the edge of her shirt, lifting it to kiss the skin of her stomach.

"What are you doing?"

"Hoping you won't stop me!" He continued to kiss his way up her stomach as he moved the popcorn bowl.

"Whoa boy, the girls are right there, remember?" She sucked her breath in through her teeth when his fingers suddenly made contact with her nipple through her tank top under which she wore no bra. "David, the gir..."

"Did you notice that they stopped singing ten minutes ago...they're asleep." He whispered. "Right girls?" He said in a louder voice being met with nothing but barely-there snoring.

"See? Exhausted"

"We can't just... Oh god!" She exclaimed as he made contact with the other one. "David... We can't, I t-told you..." She tried to keep her thoughts straight but oh, his fingers!

"I know what you told me, but I want you." He said kissing her neck, hitting that sensitive spot that drove her crazy.

"Ahhh!"

"I think you want it too" he said continuing on her neck. "...or else" he ran a thumb over her nipple and she moaned louder, way louder than she was aware of with the children being in the room. "You would have stopped me by now. He pushed her back, kissing her lips as he climbed on top of her and reached for her skirt.

"No-no clothes off. The girls could wake up..." She was clawing at him by now, desperate to get to his body, to feel his virility.

"They won't but... No clothes off." He reached beneath her long skirt, still kissing her and he finally made his way through all the folds of cotton gauze to discover no panties in addition to no bra.

"You gonna be the death of me woman!" He said as he went down and under her flowing white skirt, spreading her wide and feasting on her pussy as she quickly sat upright, her hands tangled in his hair and fisting it before she lay back at this insistence, overcome with the feel of it as she fought like crazy to not cry out his name.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Three o'clock but Amanda wasn't aware, she hasn't been aware for quite some time ever since she woke up to a man having sex with her while she hung from the ceiling, unaware of her surroundings, and woozy. He wasn't the first, one of four on a repeat schedule over the hours but she had been dead to the world and he was the first she recognized. Under different circumstances she would have tried pushed him off, she would have screamed bloody murder but the drugs she'd been given; why couldn't she do anything, why couldn't she...

The man muttered something to her and laughed, but she couldn't make it out, she just thought how badly she hurt between her legs and that her body was so sore and as quick as the thought had come, she blacked out again.

... ... ...

From where she stood, if one can call it standing, hanging naked, by her wrists from the ceiling in the dark room with no windows, she had been beaten about the body and raped repeatedly throughout the night since she had been brought here, she discovered when she came to again, somewhat more lucid and found yet another man whose name she didn't know having sex with her. He was big and it felt like he was splitting her apart.

"Please..." she cried in a voice that was laced with fear and pain but he simply looked over his shoulder at someone, she couldn't see who but he turned back to her and went harder, holding her tighter to himself and driving as deep as he could go. She passed out yet again then and the next time she woke up, mind free of the drugs, she was being sandwiched between two men. They took her brutally, going hard and fast in her front and back. She was in agony and she screamed until it was over then just hung there in tears when they let her down, she felt as though her insides were on fire, every orifice on her body felt raw she didn't understand why she was here. She tried to think but her mind was all fuzzy and she couldn't piece together nor could she focus. She was hurt and exhausted, needing a bath and...and...

She couldn't stop crying. Why was was happening? Where was her squad? She didn't understand any of it and then the door that had been exited by those two men opened, and in walked Thomas and suddenly it all made sense and she began to cry even harder. If Thomas had gotten her here, like this and she didn't even know where_ 'here' _was, nor could she remember how she got here, it was already too late.

"I brought you something." He announced, putting on a pair of leather gloves. She was a cop, she knew what those gloves meant and she could already feel the impact they would leave on her body.

"Thomas plea..." But he gave her no time to make apologies and suddenly struck her with a blow to the face that was so hard, pain exploded and she felt her jaw crack as her head whipped to the side and before she could recover he punched her again and again, blood pouring from her mouth until he broke her jaw completely and it hung there loose. She was unable to pick her head up again and just hung there crying, her jaw limp and hanging and slobbering blood while Thomas grabbed her hair and yanked her head up.

"This is the last time you betray me Amanda." He leaned close and whispered his next words in a maniacal tone. "I'm going to watch as they fuck you in every way and I'm going to enjoy it just like I have all night and when they're done, you will wish that you were never born!" With that he let her hair go and punched her in the stomach before he undid her bindings, and when she fell limp to the floor, there he was above her, letting his four men again into the room. They gathered around her big, strong men and she felt an insurmountable fear and sickness arise in her belly. Thomas took a seat on the far side of the room with no other furnishings and crossed his legs while the men drew closer to her cowering, naked and now broken form and they looked over at Thomas who simply gave a brief nod and the torture started all over again as she was swept up from the floor and sexually manhandled in horrific ways.

* * *

><p>.<p>

At David's, he and Liv were nearing the end of their little rendezvous. She was on top of him, her skirt pulled up around her and her head thrown back and in tears from the pleasure he gave as she rode him hard while he lay back with his hands around her waist, spurring her on and pulling her hard against him as he moaned.

"Olivia..."

"Oh god, David don't stop...please, I'm so close!" She whispered. She was on fire and picked up her speed, determined that she was going to come, he was determined to make her come and when her speed increased, so did his until he literally had her impaled on him and he pushed up into her hard, making her cry out as he held her hips right there. She came into him, kissing him and he fisted her hair, pulling her into him as they kissed hard then pulled her away from him to look at her, so beautiful in her ecstasy.

"Liv I love you... I love you!"

"I l-love you...too, ohhhhh!" She tightened around him as she came and stiffened, her hips stopping their movements and she shook against him as he came too, shooting loads of semen as she lay there on his chest sobbing.

"Liv...?" But she just continued crying before she got up, pulling him out and gathering her skirt before running upstairs. David, shocked and confused by her behavior, quickly zipped his pants and ran after her.

"Liv!" He said, knocking on her door.

"David, please go away." She said stripping off her clothes. Try as she might, she couldn't stop crying.

"Olivia please open the door." He said, turning the knob.

"I'm okay, I just...can you go keep an eye on the girls?"

"You're crying, I'm not gonna-"

"David please!" And she went into the bathroom to take a shower as David stood there for a moment and then walked away. In the bathroom, Olivia walked into the shower and she was bawling her eyes out. She realized what a mistake it was to be with David, She loved him truly but Nick; her heart... Maybe if he weren't an issue she could freely commit herself to loving David but he was an issue and no matter how she tried to deny it by sleeping with David, Nick was in her heart, she needed him and if for no other reason than finding out if they were through for good, she had to talk to him. If he said with all certainty that he wanted to end it then she knew what she had to do, she would make David her priority, it wouldn't be hard because she did love him but she prayed that Nick didn't want to let them go because she couldn't imagine her life without him.

... ... ...

Later that evening after dinner, the car was waiting for Olivia to take her back to the city. Outside, the girls were saying goodbye giving lots of hugs and kisses and they gave their final hugs.

"Bye mommy!" Sophia said.

"I'll see you guys on Friday." She gave them another hug. "Why don't you two go inside and give your daddy and me a minute?" She kissed them both.

"We love you!"

"I love you too...both of you. I'll call you at bedtime."

"Okay." They hugged her once more and went inside. Once they were gone David turned to her.

"I owe you an-" She started, but he quickly put his hand up to stop her.

"I think I owe you one...sleeping with you when I knew you were still working things out; that was wrong of me Liv- I'm sorry." He apologized sincerely. She stood there for a moment, tears coming to her eyes.

"Why do we keep messing up?"

"It's what we do, but we did do one thing right in all this." He said referring to the twins.

"They're pretty amazing"

"They are... You're gonna talk to him aren't you?"

"I'm sorry" she said with tears. "The last thing I wanted to do..."

"I know" he pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head trying not to cry, not wanting it to end. "But if it doesn't go how you hoped..."

"I'll be the first to come back." She paused before looking up at him and he planted a sweet kiss on her lips.

"I will never love anybody but you Queenie" she smiled and looked at him, caressing his face then planting a kiss on his lips. "Get there safe."

"I'll see you Friday." She said and got into the car, waving from the window. When it pulled off he stood there for a second and wiped his face then went back inside, locking up the door and putting on the alarm, going to the living room from the foyer.

... ... ...

"Alright munchkins, we have 2 hours until bedtime, what are we gonna do till then?"

"Can we watch Cinderella in your room?" Aria asked

"Yeah, can we?" Sophia added

"Tell you what, why don't we get your bath, get you into your pj's and we'll put it on.

"Okay." They both said. David picked up both his daughters and carried them upstairs while they chatted away. He maybe couldn't have Olivia, and for that he would always hate himself. He should have been honest and told her about his situation with Gina but he messed up and he lost her. But still, even if he couldn't have her, he had his little girls. They were a part of her and not one day went by where he didn't consider himself a lucky man. These little girls were everything to him and no matter if things could never be for him and Liv he would always have them and he kissed them both as they went up the stairs.

* * *

><p>.<p>

Amanda lay on the floor of the windowless room after she had been raped and then beaten to within an inch of her life. He naked body was shivering, not just from the cold but from her injuries as well. The rape went on for hours and after they finished with her, Thomas had those men hang her by her arms from the ceiling again and then they left. For hours she was left alone dangling there and then Thomas came back and the hell started all over again. He put on those gloves and he beat her mercilessly with a metal bar, swinging it randomly and letting the hits fall wherever until he got tired of _'playing' _and decided to cause her real pain unleashing a barrage of violent blows to her breasts, her stomach and back before he attacked her legs and arms and when he was satisfied that he had whipped her thoroughly, he turned the bar in his hands and raped her with it. This went on for only a few minutes but he'd tried his damnedest to do her serious harm, reminding her that _since you take joy in tearing things out... _and he pushed the bar inside her several times, hard as he could before he would take it out and ram it back in as hard as he could and the pain she suffered was so great, she screamed for somebody, anybody to come help her.

When he'd had enough he pulled the bar from her showing her the blood that covered the end of it then forced it into her mouth and down her throat, causing her serious pain with her broken jaw as well as the bar making her gag and vomit before grabbing her face in his hand to speak.

"You're fucking disgusting, you know that?"

"...Thomas" she slurred, barely legible and below a whisper. "Thomas...p-plea...p-please..."

"What's that?" He said putting his ear near her head.

"...please...let me go" she uttered.

"Let you go? Like you let the baby go?" In that moment she knew that hope was lost and to accentuate his point, he drove the end of the bar into her stomach and the back of her legs. As she coughed and choked, he released her from the ceiling, not paying attention as she dropped to the floor into the vomit and lay there helplessly and he walked out, bolting the door behind him and leaving Amanda lying bruised and beaten. She started to cry, and lying there in her own vomit she simply passed out from pain and exhaustion then hours later when she had woken, she heard the locks on the door and in walked two men.

"...no more...please..." She whispered through her sobs, putting her hands up to try and ward them off.

"Relax, we're not here for that." One of them said.

"We're here to get you cleaned up!" The other chimed in.

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**So much more to come, see you all next time but until then, reviews are welcome.**


	30. Her New Life?

**I apologize for the wait, but here we are, chapter 30. Some of you may noy like this chapter but I gotta stay true to my story so I apilogize if it isn't what you wanted but I'm not sorry. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>.<p>

Monday morning turned out to be just as dreary, weather wise as Sunday had been and Manhattan woke up to another wet, rainy day.

Olivia got into the office bright and early, wanting her first day back to be a good one. 7AM and she walked into the building, greeted by the few people who were in that early and glad to see her. As she got off the elevator and hobbled into the squad room, she couldn't stop from smiling. She wasn't expected to be there until 9 but with nothing else to do... It had only been three weeks but it felt like an eternity and after looking over her squad room she headed into her office, propped her cane by the window then put her things down and took a seat behind her desk. She was there less than a minute, getting her laptop turned on when Fin walked in.

"Hey you, welcome back!" He said upon entering the office.

"Thank you, it's good to be back! So what's on the agenda for today?"

"You mean what's on modified agenda?" He laughed. "I got the word from 1PP, you're stuck in this office, half time for another three weeks"

"I told them I'm fine!" She said disgruntled, her voice taking on a very pouty tone.

"Hey, be glad they even let you back before the six weeks was up."

"I suppose... I'm gonna get some tea before I get started."

"I got it"

"Fin"

"Hey, rest your leg. You'll thank me in a couple hours when you're racing around here."

She smiled reluctantly. "Thank you"

"No problem, be right back."

Turning to the pictures on her desk, she picked up one of the girls. "This is gonna be the longest half day ever!"

* * *

><p>In the Hamptons, David was in the kitchen making pancakes when the girls arrived downstairs in their pajamas.<p>

"Hey babies, good morning!" He said and flipped the pancakes before going over to them.

"Morning" they both said with sleep in their voices. He kissed them and picked up Aria who laid her head on his shoulder while Sophia sat at the breakfast bar and picked up a banana.

"Daddy, can you open this?" Sophia said, handing him the banana over the counter.

"Can I 'peel' this?" He corrected as he went about it.

"Yes, peel it" she laughed

"Here you go miss bug-a-boo!" And he handed it back to her and went about taking up the pancakes.

"Thanks daddy!" She said as she dug in.

"You're welcome princess. So, you guys hungry?" He said, putting on a last round.

"Are those chocolate chip?" Aria said excitedly. Sophia looked with her mouth full.

"They are"

"Yes!" She said causing David to laugh.

"Why don't you go have a seat at the bar with your sister, okay?"

"Okay" she said as he put her down. "Can I call mommy?" She was climbing into her seat and reaching for the phone.

"I don't see why not." Aria happily went to dialing while David flipped the pancakes.

"Hi mommy..."

... ... ...

"Okay, well you guys go have pancakes and I'll call you later..." Olivia smiled while talking to the girls. "I will, I love you both too...tell daddy I said hi. Bye." She hung up and just as she was getting back to her paperwork, there was a knock at her door. She looked up and took off her glasses.

"Come in" the door opened and she was not prepared for who was on the other side.

"I could come back later if-" Nick started.

"No, I- I wasn't... It's okay, come in." She stammered. He came in and shut the door, nervously standing in front of her. "I uh, I was actually gonna call you, I..."

"Actually, I came to talk about a case." He said, fighting himself to not grab her and...

"Oh... I just assumed"

"Yeah, I um...I need your help...a case, can I sit?"

"Please. Um, why don't we sit over there, this could take a while." She said standing. He didn't miss the skintight pants she was wearing along with a blouse that wrapped and cut dangerously low under her jacket. He knew that blouse, the one with no sleeves and the sheer back. He could swear that he saw a peek of her bra sticking out, _black and see through,_ he wondered if it was the one with the lattice work and the-

"Nick?"

"Yeah?" He said clearing his throat.

"Over here" she said gesturing to the chair beside the couch. He adjusted his collar, clearing his throat and made his way over.

* * *

><p>"I love these daddy" Sophia said, putting a bite of pancakes in her mouth.<p>

"I can tell the way you're shoveling them in" David said as he put a forkful in his own mouth, causing Sophia to laugh.

"Daddy?" Aria called.

"Yeah baby?"

"Are you and mommy getting back together?"

"Why do you ask sweetie?"

"Because I want a little brother" he nearly choked on his pancakes. The twins just went about eating.

"Can I have more bacon?" Sophia asked but David was lost in thought and didn't answer right away. "Daddy..."

"I'm sorry baby, here you go" he said, handing Sophia the bacon. "...um, Aria, what brought this on all of a sudden?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Babies are cute and I want one! So can we?"

"Honey... Your mother and I, we..." Aria looked on waiting for an explanation. "You know how Gina and I were married? Well your mom and I, we don't...what I mean to say is it's not that I don't want to be..."

"Daddy, don't you love her?" She asked simply. He couldn't help but smile.

"More than almost anything..." He said longingly, drawing quiet for a moment. "You guys finish up, I'm gonna get started on the dishes" he said, rising up and kissing them both.

* * *

><p>At Thomas' home office, he was just ending a video conference call with his board of directors about strategies for the upcoming quarter. He hung up after and called his secretary.<p>

"Eunice if anyone should inquire, tell them I won't be in today."

"Yes Mr. Kirkland... Is everything okay?"

"Everything is fine. You can direct any important calls here, otherwise I'll see you tomorrow."

"Right away. Will that be all?"

"That's all." And he disconnected the call before picking up his cell phone and dialing.

"Hello sir." The male voice answered back in Spanish.

"Did you receive the package?" Thomas asked, responding just as quickly in the same tongue.

"Just a couple hours ago. I must say, it's very nice indeed."

"Consider it my gift to you" he continued in the language. "Although if you notice, certain parts require maintenance." He said with a laugh.

"So I've noticed, but don't worry, that part is being serviced as we speak. Really Thomas, it surprises me that you would give up something so incredible."

"What can I say, it lost it's meaning. But you have fun with it." Thomas said.

"Oh, I will. Thank you my friend."

"No, thank you." Thomas said. He was quite pleased with himself and his latest stunt.

* * *

><p>In Olivia's office, she and Nick were still discussing the case while he sat inadvertently staring at her.<p>

"So we'll check around, look through our database but I have to admit, it doesn't look good, I mean Fin's been on this and he didn't find anything..."

_He was remembering back to the first time they ever made love- well it wasn't exactly lovemaking, he and Olivia had had quite a bit to drink one night after a case; they weren't drunk but they were buzzed beyond and Cragen had given them the weekend off. The twins were with their father that week so Olivia was alone and when they got back to her place they couldn't help it, they were all over each other which shocked him because Olivia had been the picture of stoic sainthood since he'd met her last summer and now, here they were, 6 months later and she was doing things that he couldn't believe. He was doing things he only dreamed about doing to her since the day they met and by the time they were done, he had so many scratches down his neck and back he looked like he'd been in a fight with a tiger. She confessed to him that she hadn't been with anyone since the twins' father and may have went a little crazy before she gave in to sleep and he ended up staying at her place the entire weekend where they fucked each others brains out for 2 days... They went through tons of condoms that weekend._

"...I gotta say, it's a longshot, Nick" he sat there with a grin on his face. "Nick? Hello?"

"I'm sorry, I was just..." He suddenly wiped the smile from his face and gathered the file.

"What?"

"It's stupid. I better get going, I have a lot to do on this case and... Call me if you come up with anything?" He said as he stood.

"I will" she said, watching him leave but just when he reached the door... "Nick wait"

He stopped and turned around.

"How long are you gonna punish me?" She asked, tears in her eyes. "I made a mistake"

"Liv I'm not..." Now he too had tears.

"Then why does it feel like it? I'm sorry, if I knew another way to say it I would but I can't...please just tell me you forgive me, that we can go back."

"Let's not talk about this now"

"Then when?"

"I don't know, I don't... I'm sorry" he cried then turned and left. She was crushed but refused to cry even though the tears were falling from her eyes. She quickly wiped them but found herself losing the battle and giving in, crying silently. Fin turned up at her door and was about to go in but quickly decided against it and quietly backed out and shut it.

* * *

><p>Hey Amanda, when you get this gimme a call." He said before he hung up. Liv came out of her office, prepared to leave. It was now three o'clock and although she would have relished staying any other day, today she was glad for it to be over. She just wanted to have therapy, go home, have a long hot bath and sleep.<p>

"Goodnight Fin" she said on her way out.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"It's just...well I saw you crying this morning and I just..."

"I appreciate the concern but really, I'm okay."

"You know if you wanna talk I'm here."

"I know and thanks. I'll see you tomorrow." She said and left.

* * *

><p>Nick sat at his desk and time and time again he picked up the phone to call Olivia but time and time again he stopped himself but after all this time he knew that he couldn't ignore the situation anymore so he put on his jacket, signed out for the evening and headed out.<p>

* * *

><p>At Alex's place, Olivia was turning out the living room light and heading to bed when a sudden knock on the door turned her around. She made it to the door, looking through the peephole and when she saw that it was Nick she froze; cursing her hair that was up in a sloppy ponytail and the fact that she was in a sleepshirt without even a bra on, but her happiness calmed those worries as she opened the door.<p>

"Nick, hi"

"Can I come in?" He asked. Without a thought she stepped aside and he walked in, already caught up in her scent that was absolutely intoxicating. She locked the door and quickly turned to face him. "How did you know I was here?" She asked, walking through the hall.

"Rollins...don't be mad but she told me last week and I've just been..." She gave a wan smile before she turned and leaned against the wall. "Where's your cane?" He was trying to make small talk but was doing a lousy job at it which didn't go unnoticed by Olivia.

"It's in the livingroom... Is there something you w-" she started but he was quick to pull her into his arms, his hand on her neck and the other around her waist and kiss her on the lips. His move surprised her to say the least but it didn't take even a second before she found herself putting her arms around him, enraptured and fully give in. She missed him, missed his kiss, his touch and he missed her more, forgetting the real reason he had come there and just falling into her, backing her against the wall as they kissed so passionately. She broke the kiss and looked into his eyes to be sure that this was what he wanted and the way he looked at her with sadness, lust and longing; she knew and all other thoughts left her mind, she kissed him again.

"Where's the bedroom?" He asked, kissing her neck.

"Back" She gasped as his hand made contact with her breast, pinching her nipple through her shirt. He quickly picked her up, her legs wrapped around him and carried her through the apartment as his jacket dropped and she opened his shirt, kissing his chest, to her bedroom. They entered the room and he put her down on the bed. She rose up on her knees and slid his shirt off his shoulders and off his body then undid his belt, undoing his pants as she bit her lip in anticipation. He leaned in and kissed her, taking hold of the hem of her shirt and lifting it over her head, tossing it the second it was off before the went back to devouring her mouth.

* * *

><p>"...and Cinderella and the prince got married, and they lived happily ever after...until they had two girls and then they went crazy and walked around in their bathrobes all day. The end." David said as he closed the book.<p>

"Daddy; it doesn't say that!" Sophia said, Aria just sat laughing.

"It sure does" David grinned. "Now, it's time for you two to get some sleep, don't you think?"

"Okay..." They whined.

"Whoa, whoa, what's the whine for? Am I not being a great and awesome dad?" The twins burst into laughter.

"No, you're a good daddy" Aria giggled.

"Then... Cuz I'm dying here." He joked.

"Daddy we're seven now..." Sophia said

"I was at the party"

"Daddy..." They said in unison.

"Okay, okay. Im sorry, go on."

"Can we have a later bedtime?" Aria said.

"How late?" David asked. They smiled and looked at each other, their eyes lighting up, having a conversation through them while David looked on curiously. When they were in agreement, they turned to David with smiles on their faces.

"An hour?" Aria said.

"That's a l-"

"30 minutes!" Sophia cut in. David laughed."

"I would have considered the hour but okay, 30 minutes.'

"Yay!" They said while looking at each other accusingly.

"Not yay yet, I'll run it by your mother and if she agrees, then yay, alright?"

"Okay"

"Good, but for now, sleep time. Goodnight." He kissed them both.

"Goodnight daddy." David turned out the light and left the room.

"Don't forget to talk about having my brother!" Aria yelled.

"Go to sleep!" David said, laughing and went downstairs.

* * *

><p>At Alex's in the bedroom, Nick and Olivia had been going at it for quite some time. She was on top and riding him hard. The sex was intense without a word between them, just sounds that mirrored the passion between them. He reached up and pulled her closer while she rode him, his tongue in her mouth while she moaned into his. He continued to pump into her, over and over and she could barely catch her breath, feeling herself coming, pressure building in her abdomen, electricity charging through her entire body. He held her hips as they rose higher, his sex unrelenting as he fucked her harder and they cried out as she came, his climax not far behind hers as he pumped into her a few more times, coming before she collapsed on top of him in a sweaty heap. They just lay there for a moment, the sounds of their breathing filling the room.<p>

"Let's just start over, right now? Nothing matters before this moment, nothing at all." He said.

"You mean it?"

"I mean it." She looked up at him, kissing him hard and deep, her tongue entering his mouth and they went on for a long moment before he separated, to more heavy breathing.

"Why'd you stop?"

"Don't worry, gotta drain the snake...I'll be right back" he said and kissed her as he got out of bed and tossed the used condom in the trash basket.

"Hurry, we have a lot to catch up on." He smiled and walked into the bathroom, naked assed with his limp dick hanging gloriously between his thighs and shut the door all while she watched from the bed with a smile on her face.

Her phone suddenly vibrated and she quickly picked it up seeing that it was David. "Hey, everything okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, everything's fine, did I wake you?" He asked sipping a scotch.

"No, I'm up..."

"Lemme guess, now is not a good time?"

"It's actually not. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I'll uh, I'll call you tomorrow."

"Is everything okay with you?" She asked as Nick came out of the bathroom and came straight for her, nibbling at her neck.

"Yeah, don't worry, everything's fine. Goodnight Liv."

"Goodnight David" Nick immediately pulled himself away from her. She hung up the phone and turned to him, he had a look on his face like he was pissed. "Why'd you stop, this time?"

"Haden?" He asked, forcing at laugh so he wouldn't blow a gasket, picking up his boxers and putting them on.

"He just called to talk but I told him it wasn't a good time. Why are you behaving this way?"

"Really? You really want to know why I'm acting this way?" His pants and socks were going on quickly as he sat on the bench at the foot of the bed.

"Nick-" she said and got up, putting on her robe and sitting beside him.

"No Olivia, I can't...he had his hand in your pussy three weeks ago and as much as it killed me to, I finally decided to let it go because I love you!"

"Then trust me" she said as she touched his shoulder then his face, turning him to face her.

"I said that we would start fresh and let it all go but every time I turn around lately he's there"

"Nick we have children together, he's gonna be a part of my life."

"It's not just that, I saw the way you two were at that party and it was more than just co-parents being co-parents."

"You're being ridiculous"

"Am I? I think you were right earlier, we should talk, we should've talked before we jumped into this." He said. There was something in that statement that scared her, almost like she knew where this was going and she didn't like the feeling.

"I love you, you know that!" She cried.

"I do, and I love you but I also wonder if you don't love him"

"Nick-"

"Tell me. Just say there's nothing for me to be concerned about, that you don't have feelings for him and I'll let it go."

"Don't"

"Don't what? You don't love him...do you?" She had tears in her eyes and they started to fall as she looked up at him.

"Don't do this, okay it doesn't matter, what matters is I love you, I want you." She said putting her arms around him but he quickly moved them off and stood up, walking the floor.

"You never stopped did you?" But she couldn't say because she knew he was right.

"Nick..."

"It's okay... Be happy!" He said and kissed her cheek before he left, heartbroken, and in tears.

* * *

><p><strong>1 month later.<strong>

"It's good." Aria said of the mushroom omelet on David's plate from which she took a bite.

"You like it?" David asked.

"Uh huh, but I would like a baby brother even more!"

"What is she talking about?" Olivia asked as she came back from the bathroom and sat down at the table that was out on the sidewalk where the four of them were having breakfast at a cafe.

"Miss Aria is just rambling about things." He said as he put an arm to Olivia's back. "You okay."

"All this worry about Amanda has my stomach in knots...I'll be fine."

"No daddy, I'm not rambling, I want a little brother!"

"Honey...we, your dad and I, we can't...well we could but we're not..." She looked to David for assistance.

"I've tried explaining this all month, she even has Soph in on it now, I give up." David said.

"You're already having him" Sophia said, while David and Olivia looked at each other in shock.

"Soph, why would you say that? I'm not having a baby, your dad and I haven't even...well I'm not, where are you coming up with this?" Olivia half stated, half questioned, and fully pissed.

"Giselle said if you want something bad enough, to talk like you already have it till you get it...we really want that baby!" She and Aria looked at each other and nodded and Sophia went back to eating her bacon while Aria took some of her French toast.

"Well that's sort of like- no, it's definitely like lying." Olivia said.

* * *

><p>Over at Julia's penthouse, she was in her cavernous bathroom, on her knees throwing up. She hadn't been feeling well for about a week now and at first she just attributed it to jet lag, but jet lag had never left her feeling like this and as the final (or so she thought) stream of vomit left her mouth...<p>

"Oh god...make it stop!" She prayed pitifully at the bowl. When more finally stopped coming, she stayed there for a minute before she got up and flushed, putting the lid down and weakly drew herself up, going over to the sink to rinse her mouth and throw water on her face. The cool feel of the water brought her some comfort and she quickly wiped her face with a towel before standing up straight and looking in the mirrors above the sink.

"At least my skin looks good" she joked and laughed weakly as her phone rang. She walked as fast as she could to the nightstand to get it and saw that it was her doctor's office calling. "Hello?" She said and sat down.

"Hi, Julia Montgomery please." The nurse said cheerfully into the phone. Julia hated that; who was that fucking cheerful at 8:45AM?

"Yes, speaking"

"Oh hi Ms. Montgomery. Just calling to congratulate you"

"Congratulate me...? On what?"

"Guess who's 6 weeks pregnant?" The nurse said. Julia fell off the bed, went clean down. "Ms. Montgomery..." When she managed to climb back up:

"I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you right, did you just say... I'm pregnant?"

"Yep, looks like it from your blood work. We sent your results to your GYN, you have an appointment at two o'clock Monday to confirm." But Julia was dumbfounded.

"Yes, thank you" she hung up and immediately touched her stomach, sitting that way for a long moment then snapping out of her reverie when the nausea came back and sent her running for the toilet.

* * *

><p>Over at the sixteenth, Nick walked in the an almost empty bullpen save Fin and a few other detectives.<p>

"Hey, I got here as fast as I could." He said as he approached Fin.

"Hey man, I'm glad you came."

"I'd forgotten how empty it gets on weekends around here. where's Liv?"

"She's been studying so hard for the Lieutenant's exam, she took the weekend off after taking it yesterday. She wants us to call her if we get anything... Real noble what you did."

"I don't wanna talk about it, what's done is done."

"Don't mean it doesn't still hurt." Fin said.

"Yeah, we're supposed to be finding Rollins, remember?"

* * *

><p>The following night at Olivia's new apartment, the girls were tucked into their beds, sleeping and Olivia had gotten undressed and was about to take a bath when the doorbell rang. She immediately reached for her robe and threw it on, heading for the door.<p>

"David, what are you doing here?"

"I thought you could use the company." He said walking in. "How are you feeling?" He asked and kissed her cheek.

"Thank you but I'm fine; on both fronts."

"Still no word huh?"

"No. We've been by her apartment and nothing looks out of place; there are no trace at the airlines, not even private flights, it's like she just vanished into thin air." She plopped down on the sofa once they reached the living room.

"You'll find her, don't worry." He said, putting his arm around her and drawing her close. "Where are thing 1 and thing 2?"

"Asleep, thankfully. God those two wore me out today! Did you bring food? I'm starving!"

"No. I called an hour ago remember? You had just had dinner...and ice cream."

"And now I'm hungry!" He looked at her, grinning "What?"

"Nothing. What do you want?"

"There's an Indian menu in the kitchen." She smiled.

... ... ...

"Okay, it's gonna be an hour" he said, putting the phone down.

"I can do an hour"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna go take a bath." She said with a smile and walked off. David sat for a moment feeling his libido react; _God this woman! _They hadn't had sex since the day after the twins birthday, God knows he wanted to respect her mourning for she and Nicks breakup but she had been sending out signals for about two weeks now and tonight he definitely needed to pick up on those signals he thought as he got up and made his way to the back. He stopped and checked in on the girls, kissing them goodnight while they slept, then closed the door and headed to Olivia's room.

"I thought you'd never get here" she said then propelled herself into his arms. He kissed her hungrily, his hands in her hair, pulling her head to expose her neck as he kissed, then planting kisses to her neck. He reached between them and undid her robe, letting it fall open and caressed her body as he backed her against the bed.

"I hope these walls are thick!" He said then pushed her down on the bed. He unbuttoned his shirt and took it off before climbing on top and she quickly flipped them over so that she was on top and he quickly reached out to fondle her breasts as she undid his pants and wrapped her hand around his already hardened shaft, stroking it, paying attention to the head.

"Oh God Olivia, baby you have to stop or I'm gonna come!" She gave a seductive smile as her hand continued. "Oh Jesus Liv!" He noticed her caramel nipples full at attention and pulled them both hard before pulling her down and drawing one into his mouth, sucking and then pulling it with his teeth, showing the same attention to the other.

"Ahhh!" She sucked in her breath sharply, enjoying the pain mixed with so much pleasure until she couldn't take it anymore and devoured his mouth as his hands caressed her ass before impaling her on his cock. "David..." But she barely got it out before he flipped them again, him fully inside her and started thrusting slow at first, pulling his dick almost all the way out and slamming into her again. She could barely stand the feel of him, he felt so good and was quickly overwhelming her senses as she wrapped her legs around him and held him tight, pushing his pants and boxers off with her feet.

"Oh God!" She cried as he increased his speed and she held on tight to him, digging her nails into his back and biting his shoulder before he turned her face to him.

"Look at me!" He demanded as he continued thrusting. "I wanna see you when you come!" He kissed her deeply, their tongues going hard until she broke the kiss by crying out. He was so deep and hitting her spots so magnificently, she felt her climax approaching.

"...I'm coming!" She cried looking directly into his eyes. "Don't stop...don't stop..." He felt her walls begin to tighten. He kept driving into her until her pussy walls clamped down on him, her orgasm hitting hard, making moving damn near impossible and he lost it, coming with her.

"David, I love you!" She said and kissed him.

"You love me?"

"I do, I love you."

"Then marry me"

"What?"

"Marry me, I made the mistake of letting you go once upon a time, I won't make that mistake again."

"This is crazy"

"Nothing crazier than us being apart. I love you Queenie, I never stopped loving you and if you give me the chance, I will spend the rest of my life showing you how much"

When she turned her head away with a look of uncertainty and began to shed tears he felt his heart break. He understood her apprehension; he caused it but this was different, he was different.

"Liv..."

"David I can't be hurt again; there's too much to lose this time; I can't go through it again!" There were tears in his eyes as he took her chin and made her look at him.

"Never again!" He kissed her tears. "Do you hear me? Never! I would die before I hurt you, before I hurt those little girls in there...you're my life Liv, my whole world!"

"What about your baby?" She said.

"My... What?"

"Your baby. David; I'm pregnant." The look on his face was complete shock. "I took a test yesterday... We're having a baby."

"Baby...I love you!" He said. He kissed her slowly, deeply and passionately, that kiss igniting every nerve in her body. "I'm gonna be here this time and I'm gonna do everything right. Morning sickness, cravings, mood swings; I'm here. I love you and I'm here!" He said. He planted several kisses to her lips before kissing his way down to her stomach and came back to her lips.

"What if i said yes, I'll marry you?" She asked. He looked her into her eyes and smiled.

"Is that an answer?"

"That's an 'I'll think about it' but in the meantime, we still have some time before the food is here..."

"You don't have to ask" he said as he kissed her. "By the way, if it's a boy...junior!"

"Or you could shut up and kiss me!" She grinned.

* * *

><p>In a villa in an undisclosed location where the weather was warm and the gentle breezes enveloped the well-guarded landscape that was picturesque in its beauty with all of the exotic foliage that surrounded the compound, as well as the trained wild animals that roamed the grounds, the day was a perfect one. A great party had been thrown in honor of the very important man who lived at the compound and to celebrate, he had many friends in attendance and to entertain these friends, there was a harem of many exotic women, black, white, asian; some of every kind whose job it was to keep these men sexually sated in whatever way the men pleased and they were never allowed to utter a word unless it was a moan in pleasure in response to what was being done to them, even if it wasn't pleasurable.<p>

These women, the 20 that there were, were not paid to do do this. They did not give their wares freely for monetary gain, they gave them simply out of the fact that their well being and in some cases, their lives depended on their ability to keep this man happy as well as his friends. One wrong move and they could be easily struck with a blow and then beaten later, or, if the gentlemen preferred, they would be stripped, chained and beaten in front of the crowd before being returned to the locked room where the girls all slept on mattresses together, and that was exactly what happened Amanda tonight. She'd had her jaw wired and the bruises that Thomas had inflicted were treated, she was drugged and given a hysterectomy to remove her ovaies to prevent pregnancy and stop her period as well as given a tattoo with a tracking number before she was allowed to entertain at parties and since then had successfully performed at two of them. But it was at the third one where things got crazy.

Up until then, the men she had entertained were instructed to keep it relatively clean for the new girl as it was her first time but on the third visit the men were allowed to give in their fantasies with her and the fantasies were indeed quite sick and when during one of them that was quite painful Amanda cried in displeasure, she was hung, stripped naked then whipped terribly as a warning to the other girls but instead of being taken to the room that she shared with the other girls, she was given to the two men she'd offended and made to endure their sexual proclivities and this time she did so silently.

After the party was over, the girls were all taken to their room where they were ushered into the bathroom to shower, fed and then left with fifteen minutes until the lights went out during which time Amanda lay on her mattress with her two bedmates and cried. Her bedmates immediately offered comfort to her and even though she couldn't talk, they understood the pain she was feeling, that it went beyond the whipping and she wished for home. Kiyoko, one of the girls there for the longest became fed up with their nightly coddling of the blonde and finally spoke up.

"I'll tell you what no one told me: You are never going home again, so the life and people you knew, forget it and forget them because the only way out is in a box. He owns you now!"

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**Next chapter wraps it up. In the meantime, I'd love a review. Thanks in advance for those that do and please, no twitter spoilers. See you next time!**


	31. Beginnings and Endings

**Well y'all, last chapter. Thanks to everyone who has been reading this, thanks to all future readers. It's been fun but all good things must end. Special thanks to LaceNLeather24 for being a ride or die.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>.<strong>_

_**3 and 1/2 weeks prior...**_

_"Well, you're are pregnant; about 5 weeks." Dr. Harman told her._

_"About? Like there's no way to pinpoint that?"_

_"Based on your last period and the blood test, that's about as accurate as I can be."_

_"Um, I... Please don't judge me" Olivia stated._

_"I'm in no position"_

_"I uh... I was kind of... With...2 men in...sort of close proximity and well, the condom broke and at first I didn't think anything of it, we had used them before, they break sometimes so I didn't think I had anything to worry about. I mean that was the last time with either of them for a while then I took a test and I just assumed that it was David so I told him and then the broken condom came back to my mind and I just...I need you to be sure!"_

* * *

><p><strong>1 month later, Olivia's apartment...<strong>

She thought about that conversation every day of the last month and now as she lay in bed trying not to throw up it was even more persistent in her mind. She wished that she hadn't told David about the pregnancy, told him he was the father but at the time she honestly had so much on her plate she didn't think for a minute that there was even a remote possibility that this could be Nick's baby yet here she is.

She told David right after her appointment 3 and 1/2 weeks ago, not wanting there to be any secrets between them but there was still the matter of Nick; she hadn't told him and because she wouldn't be able to have a paternity test for a few more weeks; what if this baby turned out to be David's like she thought it was, would it make sense to get Nick's hopes up? This was the reasoning she held so far for not telling him but later today she would be seeing the baby's first sonogram today and David would be there with her and she couldn't help but think that if on the off chance that this did turn out to be Nick's baby how unfair this was and she touched her stomach- it was still raging and she fought even harder not to throw up as she heard David come in.

"I got you some crackers and ginger ale." David said upon entering he and Olivia's bedroom where she was curled up in a fetal position in bed. it was seven o'clock in the morning and she had been quite sick since 5:30, up alone and vomiting,not wanting to wake anyone. She spent about 20 minutes on her knees in front of the toilet emptying her stomach of last night's dinner before she crawled back in bed and went back to sleep and was right back at it just before seven when he was in their bathroom showering. He immediately ran from the stall to see about her, holding her hair and rubbing her back. Now as he came around to her bedside, she looked way worse.

"David I can't" she said weakly, choking on tbe words and not bothering to look at him or even sit up. She instead pulled the covers up around her and sank beneath them.

"Liv it'll make you feel better if you eat" his voice was gentle and caring as he spoke. He hadn't been there for this with the twins and had no idea it could get this bad and he felt terrible for causing her such discomfort as he stroked her hair that stuck out from beneath the covers. He was sure that he was the father of this baby even though she told him it might be Nick. "Please baby"

She thought about taking a few bites of the crackers; they did help. Elliot had told her that when she found out she was pregnant with the girls, but right now she knew that if those crackers touched her lips... "No. I just wanna lay here...I'll eat them in a little while, I just wanna..." She quickly jumped out of bed and ran for the bathroom, throwing up.

"Maybe you should call out today...?" He said as he followed, holding her hair back and gently rubbing her back. "It's okay, let it out!" He said softly as another gush of vomit flew out of her mouth and she wasted no time letting out another.

Suddenly he panicked, he heard the bedroom door open and Aria and Sophia entered. David looked over his shoulder and got scared. Not because of the fact that they hadn't told the girls as of yet, but because the girls hadn't witnessed Olivia's being sick yet. Aria was sensitive but Sophia had this thing where vomiting was suggestive, if she saw or heard it somewhere...

"Mommy..." That was all they got out before...

"Is mommy sick?" Aria said ready to cry.

"No baby" David said just before Sophia began chucking all over the floor...the morning was shaping up peachy!

* * *

><p>An hour later over at Julia's apartment she was just finishing up her yoga session.<p>

"How are we feeling?" The yogi asked her as he folded his mat.

""I thought that doing this through my pregnancy would help with this nausea somehow, but it..." Faced with a bout of nausea that she knew wouldn't be dry heaving like what she had experienced all morning, she suddenly dropped her water bottle and ran for the downstairs bathroom.

"I'll see you same time tomorrow." The yogi said and left.

When she was done and sure that she'd emptied everything, she dragged herself upstairs to her bedroom where she stripped off her yoga clothes and jumped into the shower. When she was done she stepped in front of the mirrors in her towel and took it off and just stood there looking at herself. The situation wasn't an ideal one but she was happier than she'd ever been in her life; she was having a baby and after all the horror she suffered at Thomas's hands; losing four pregnancies before they were even three months in and then being told that she'd never conceive again when the last one came out of her - she still has a scar on her stomach from that night and as she touched it, letting her fingers run over it, vividly remembering, she couldn't stop the tears that came to her eyes.

_"Thomas please!"_

_She remembered the sound as her head hit the counter before her body hit the floor. She'd tried unsuccessfully to get away, anywhere so he'd stop beating her but there were only so many places she could hide in a French hotel suite. He'd found her in the bedroom and dragged her by her hair for ten feet until her scratching at his hand caused him to drop her and she ran into the bathroom. Before she could get the door locked he came in and punched the in the face three times as he held her and when he let go on the third hit was when she cracked her head against the counter._

_He kicked her in stomach several times while she tried to get up but it was no use and somewhere around the fourth kick, she gave up and lay there in a heap in the corner._

_"The baby..." She pleaded with him but instead he just grabbed scissors from the counter and pressed them into her stomach before he..._

She snapped out of it, shaking away the memory when she realized that she was crying. Quickly she wiped her tears away, only replaced by more and she stood there in a heap, sobbing. That was ten years ago and she never forgot, not any of them. She'd wanted so badly to be a mother and had it taken away from her so many times and now, here she is all these years later and she's being given another chance.

"I promise you this time I will protect you..." She cried as she held her stomach. "No one is gonna take you away from me!" She swore. This baby was only ten weeks old but she already knew that she would give her life for it and that was why she had to do what she needed to do to get Thomas out of the way; as long as he was around he was dangerous to her baby and there was no way she would let a danger fester!

* * *

><p>At the 16th, Olivia had finally managed to get some ginger ale and crackers down and had her stomach feeling settled enough that she could come in to work. Right now she sat in her office on the phone as Fin walked into her office.<p>

"Yes Chief Dodds, I'll get back to you before the day is out...I will sir...goodbye."

"Dodds never lays off, does he?" he said as he sat down.

"Not in this lifetime." she took off her glasses and took a deep breath.

"You okay?"

"Yeah I'm just worried about Amanda among other things." The other thing being that at only 8 weeks she was already starting to show. The doctor said she'd show sooner with her second pregnancy but this was insane! "We had any luck with the P.I.?"

"Nothing. We can't even figure out how she got out of her apartment, it's like she just vanished into thin air! I still say that low life Kirkland had somethin to do with it and we can't touch him!"

"Something we can't prove; the creep has an alibi, he was out of the country" she stopped. "I know it's a lie, I know that somehow he got to her and we can't do anything to prove it, it just... Fin where is she... Is she even alive?" She asked with tears in her eyes.

* * *

><p>"...no more!" Amanda begged of the man when she saw light enter the room where she was held. For two days now she had been cuffed naked from the ceiling and beaten about the body and now in addition to the pain all over she couldn't feel her arms from having had them up for so long.<p>

"Ah, Seraphine. What am i going to do with you?" Amanda just hung there listlessly sobbing. She hurt so badly and reeked of sweat and piss from having been forced to urinate where she was shackled. "Shame I had to bring you down here" the man said "but what else am I to do when you refuse to follow the rules?"

"My name is not Seraphine" before she knew it he had slapped her face sending her head flying and blood trickling down her chin.

"That girl no longer exists!"

"Please let me go!" She cried, weakened and ashamed.

"And what fun would that be?" And he came and snatched her face in his grasp "you are my property! That means you do what I say, when I say it and if you can't..."

"You've already taken everything...kill me!"

"Be careful what you wish for!" He shouted with a grip on her hair. "Take her down, have her cleaned up and fed then bring her to my suite." The orderlies were instructed at which they immediately uncuffed her and she fell to the floor.

"Why?" She asked quietly, feeling defeated and in tears. There was so much pain screaming all over her body and when they lifted her from the floor she could do nothing but cry.

"Because I am going to fuck you long and hard and when you think you can't take anymore and are begging for it to end, I'm going to fuck you more, harder and longer until I tire and then I will start again. You _will_ learn Seraphine." he said "You have no will, your only will is my will, accept that and be happy!"

* * *

><p>As Nick sat at his desk going over the case file of the Amira Answari murder, he couldn't help but shift his mind to Amanda. Two months she had been missing and no matter what they did they turned up no clue and he was beginning to think that maybe Kirkland had won. He, just like Olivia and Fin knew that that bastard had something to do with it but couldn't prove it. It didn't matter to them that he had an alibi for the time in question or that Amanda had stopped seeing him by then, they knew as sure as they breathed that he was guilty. A man of his means could have his dirty work done for him, how else would they explain the fact that no one saw her leave her apartment; no security camera caught her exit but she can clearly be seen going in and then it goes cold? A part of him was afraid to face a cold hard fact that was staring them all in the face: they would probably never see Amanda Dawn Rollins again.<p>

* * *

><p>Two o'clock that same afternoon Liv and David were at the obstetricians to get their first look at the baby. Olivia had already gone through her exam and finally David was called in so they could begin the ultrasound.<p>

"David, so you know, we'll be doing a transvaginal sonogram..." The doctor said as she took a seat at the end of the table.

"Transvaginal? You mean..."

"That's what I mean!" She said as she picked up the wand.

"WITH THAT?!" He said with a look of horror on his face. To say that he was a little freaked out was an understatement and Olivia spoke up; partly out of embarrassment.

"David...it's fine, just...sit!"

"But Queenie, look at the size of that thing! That is one big..."

"I'm so sorry, he's usually very well mannered." She apologized.

"It's okay" The doctor laughed as she affixed a condom to it. "You'd be surprised by how many fathers to be get freaked out when they see it."

"Why does it need a condom?"

"David so help me...!"

"I'm sitting!" He said and took the seat at the top of the table, taking Olivia's hand.

"Alright, let's get started. Now Olivia, you might feel a little discomfort." She said as she put the transducer in and Olivia squeezed David's hand and flinched.

"I know, I'm so sorry." She apologized.

"You okay?" He whispered. A look of concern on his face.

"I'm okay" she said, touching his face sweetly as she gave him a quick kiss on the lips and nose and smiled.

"I love you, I want you to know that. Thank you for giving me this gift, for giving me our family."

"I love you." She said, their sweet moment interrupted when the Dr. Harman spoke again.

"Okay Olivia, here's your baby."

* * *

><p>At a restaurant in midtown, Nick walked in and stopped, looking for his party and right away spotted Olivia across the room. Immediately he went over to the table where she was sitting, drinking water.<p>

"Olivia hey."

"Nick, thank you for agreeing to meet me" she said as she sat her water glass on the table.

"Yeah well, it sounded important" He said and sat down. "You look good" he added. He hadn't seen her in a month and the pregnancy had her glowing. She blushed and smiled, feeling like a little girl.

"Thank you" she said, putting a lock of her bone straight hair behind her ear as the waitress came over to Nick.

"Can I get you anything?" She asked.

"Just coffee please, black. Thank you... So uh, what was..." He asked Olivia

"I'm not gonna keep you I just wanted to tell you because I thought that...well I didn't want to...look, you should know"

"Know what? Thanks." He said to the waitress as his coffee came and he set it aside.

"I'm pregnant."

"You're... Wait what?"

"I um, I'm two months... and there's a chance that it's yours." Nick sat with a dazed look on his face.

"That night we...?" Olivia had a sadness about her as she talked to him, not just because of the pregnancy that was bringing up memories that still left her raw to think about, but because with this revelation she would have to hurt him even more by telling him that she had slept with David.

"Look, I don't want you to think..."

"You said _'there's a chance' _that it's mine, what does that mean?" He asked as Olivia looked anywhere except at him. "Olivia...? Of course, I get it!" Tears immediately clouded her eyes and threatened to spill over.

"Nick..." Now his eyes were full of tears and he fought hard to hide them but the reality of the situation was simply too much and his tears fell quickly and he got up, put money on the table for his coffee and walked out of the restaurant in tears.

"I just...I didn't feel right not telling you... Nick please just listen to me!" She cried but he just kept walking and she ran her hands through her hair in frustration, tears falling.

* * *

><p>"So that's everything." Julia said as she sat in the director's office at the FBI. She'd made her final move against Thomas although this wasn't her plan. He was to be taken down many a peg before she finally sent him to his final home of prison but once she discovered that she was having this baby, a miracle that she still can't believe, she knew that she had no time for toying with Thomas and put her plan in action to get him sent to prison and be done with him and after, she'd be going to France until after her baby was born, possibly longer.<p>

"We'd been after Thomas Kirkland for years and now we finally got him. The department owes you a debt of gratitude." Linden the director said.

"No gratitude. I'm not in this for fame, just lock him up for good!" She said standing, her nude Louboutins clicking against the floor as she stood in her white, skintight dress with the high neck and sheer back. She shook his hand and walked out of the office a feeling of true freedom finally washing over her.

* * *

><p>That night, Nick was a mess as he sat at his desk. It was late in the evening and all he could think about was Olivia. She really went there with David and the whole time she was confessing her love to him...but he deserved it. The whole time he was acting like what he had done with Julia somehow didn't matter when the truth of the matter was he'd wronged her and now she'd taken her turn and...<p>

"She's pregnant" he said out loud to himself. He was so hurt when she told him that he couldn't even speak. He had dreamt of giving her a baby one day, of them having something that wasn't his or hers but theirs together and now he had a chance that was heavily clouded by the fact that it was possibly David's baby. It was like he didn't even know Olivia anymore...like he didn't know himself.

He thought of them, that night, making love to her like nothing else mattered, like they were the only two people in the world; the way it was supposed to be...he shook it off. No time for imagining _coulda beens._

He looked around, he had done all he could do with the Answari case and after working several others he had nothing left and decided to call it a night when his desk phone rang and he decided to take one last call before leaving.

"Homicide, Amaro speaking."

"Detective Amaro, Thomas Kirkland here"

"What do you want?" Nick said feeling his anger creeping up.

"Well I'd like to know how the investigation is coming along into Angels- I mean Amanda's disappearance" Nick smiled ready to kill him.

"We don't have any leads but I'll be sure to keep you posted!" He said voicing attitude. "Anything else?"

"Well..."

"Great, thanks for calling!" and he hung up. He couldn't believe the balls on this guy. He knew that he was guilty, as sure as he breathed he knew it and he was tired of waiting around hoping that they'd stumble upon something randomly that would lead them to Amanda because the truth was they wouldn't, Thomas had been too careful to ever get caught but his luck had run out Nick swore to himself as he gathered his things and left the precinct. Thomas would pay!

... ... ...

He was in his car when he decided to call Mr. Answari and he whipped out his cell phone and did just that. "Hi, it's Nick Amaro I have the information... Thomas Kirkland... Just get justice for Amira... You're welcome sir and don't worry, the police can stay out of this."

Little did he know he was turning in the man who had been guilty all along.

* * *

><p>At Olivia's she was sitting on her balcony with a book but not really reading it, instead thinking about a million things...<p>

_"Everything looks good so far" Dr. Harman said. She and david were transfixed looking at that blob on the screen. Their blob; their own beautiful little blob. And in spite of the anxiety she was feeling, she cried at how beautiful it is and how it was inside her, growing and becoming this person. David must have felt the same way because she saw tears in his eyes as well. "...on schedule for 8 weeks. We'll do the prenatal testing in three to eight weeks depending on if you want a...CVS or... An amni... Um, you are not gonna believe this" _

_"Believe what?" David asked_

_"Well, um if you look just behind baby A" The doctor said adjusting the transducer as best she could._

_"Baby A...that's what you called the twins, baby A and baby B- oh god!" Olivia said as it hit her before she even saw it._

Twins. She was having twins...what were the odds that she even have one much less two again? She though as she rubbed her tiny bump, so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear David when he came in. He took off his suit jacket and went to kiss his sleeping daughters before he came out on the balcony to join her.

"Hey you!" He smiled lovingly, standing there in the doorway. Just being able to come home every night to her and the girls, he felt blessed.

"David, I didn't hear you come In" she said as she held out her hand for him. He quickly took it on his way over to her and kissed it as he joined her on the chaise where she sat. Wrapping her in his arms.

"What's wrong?" He asked, kissing her forehead.

"Who said anything's wrong?" She said as she leaned against him with a trace of a smile as he held her stomach. Even after all these years he knew exactly how to read her moods.

"You did being so quiet; talk to me." She put her book down on the table beside the chair and turned to face him, taking a long pause as she looked in his eyes.

"If these babies don't turn out to be yours will you still love me? Can you still say that you'll still want to be with me honestly" he took her hands and kissed them.

"I love you, and I don't care who fathered these babies; though I know they're mine but even if they weren't, I have waited too long for this; for us to be a family and I won't let anything come between that. Are you having second thoughts?" She looked at him and shook her head, no as she caressed his face.

"This is where I belong and I just really need to know that you're with me"

"I'm with you" he said with all certainty.

"Then ask me again?" A smile as big as all outdoors crept upon his face and it made her smile too.

"Olivia Benson, will you please, with sugar and a cherry on top, do me and our children and our babies the absolute honor of becoming my wife? ...Wait, wait, hold that thought"

"What?" She asked him as he ran inside the house. "Where are you going?" But he was already gone. He came out within seconds and sat back down on the chaise.

"What are you..." She was cut short when he pulled out a box from Van Cleef & Arpels that had in it the most exquisite diamond engagement ring. 5 carats, clear square cut in a platinum setting. The thin band set with diamonds, it took her breath away as he put it on her finger.

"David!" She said as she stared at her finger. "When did you..."

"I've been holding on to that ring now for eight years when I originally was gonna propose. I wanted to give you this ring on your birthday that year but then everything fell apart..." He started to cry as he spoke, tears sliding down his face. He loved her, really loved her and now here they were getting that moment they never got all those years ago and being given another chance.

"Liv, you have to believe me when I tell you that I never intended to lie to you...I just got caught up and I... I'm gonna spend every day showing you how sorry I am and making you happy."

"I know that you're sorry and I forgive you..." She was crying too and smiling through her tears. "You don't have to try to make me happy because each day that I spend with you and our children is happy enough... Now I believe I have an answer to your question if you still want it."

"Eight years in the making"

"Eight years...yes baby, yes...Yes...YES!" A smile shot across his face and he lifted her chin and kissed her slow, then kissing her deeper.

"Make love to me David!" She said between kisses. "Right here...oh god I want you inside of me!" She was already pulling at his clothes to get them undone and off. They didn't speak more words as they proceeded to undress one another, tearing off clothes layer for layer and sending them flying.

"Tell me you love me!" He said looking down as he held her hands down above her head and continued kissing her, as his lips trailed down her neck and bit her nipple.

"I love you...oh god, I love you!" She said to him, again he claimed her mouth in a greedy kiss before he pushed into her, taking her breath away with every thrust!

* * *

><p>Morning came over the city and in spite of the day before, it seemed to bring with it a lot of promise. At Olivia's she was just waking up from her sleep and in David's arms. She smiled as she kissed his chest and immediately stared at her ring, lifting her hand to make it catch the light and giggling like a schoolgirl at how absolutely gorgeous. it was. David woke up and caught her but decided to let her play a minute before he startled her.<p>

"Can't get enough of the ring, huh?" He laughed as he rubbed her back up and down.

"David!" He lay there and laughed. "And no, it's so beautiful!"

"I know what's even more beautiful" he said as they kissed. Olivia quickly climbed on top of him, riding against his penis as they kissed, him playing with her breasts, pulling her nipples.

"I love you!" She kissed him using her tongue, still riding although he was now hard as a rock and she wasted no time getting it inside her, reveling in the feel of him like it was the first time.

"I love you Queenie; god your pussy is so wet!" He said as he reached down and toyed with her clit. "Ahhh; ride me baby...just like that!"

"David... you're gonna make me come" she growled as he continued to work her most sensitive spot while his dick was buried deep in her. Her clit was almost divine the way it stuck out already so swollen as he continued to rub it. "Oh my god!" She bucked harder as the sensation grew, grinding hard against him until he flipped them, she now underneath him and him fucking her in quick, powerful strokes that took her breath.

"I have to taste you!' He said and gave her three more thrusts by which she was already coming. He kissed his way down the torso catching the fruits of her orgasm with his mouth and then using his hands and tongue to bring her to another.

... ... ...

Later in the morning after a shower Olivia and David stood in her kitchen making breakfast for the girls who were seated around the counter eating.

"So guys" David said to the girls "your mom and I wanted to share some news with you before we leave for our trip tomorrow."

"We're getting a baby brother!" They both asked then screamed in excitement to their own question.

"You wanna handle this?" David asked Olivia. She looked at him playfully rolling her eyes.

"Um, we wanted to tell you guys that Daddy asked me to marry him-" she said

"And she said yes!" David added as he put his arms around Olivia from behind.

"Oh" was all they got from the girls.

"Oh?" David asked. "That's it?"

"We thought you were going to tell us our brother was coming" Aria said as they both looked up with sad blue eyes. Olivia turned and looked at David.

"We're working on it." She promised. She just didn't feel comfortable telling anyone about the pregnancy until they had the results of the chromosomal test that told them that everything was alright and though it hurt her to lie to her girls, she couldn't risk them becoming attached just for her to have to turn around and abort. As hard as that would be, it would be harder with them.

"You are?!" They asked suddenly happy again.

"We are, now eat your breakfast" Olivia said and kissed both their heads so beautifully laden with dark curls hanging to their waists.

"Nice save"

"I know" she smiled as he kissed her then suddenly her phone began ringing. "Shit...I mean"

"Go" David said smiling as he ate a bite of his waffle and the girls sat giggling as Olivia left the kitchen.

"Daddy what's cum?" Sophia asked. David nearly choked on his waffle.

... ... ...

In the living room Olivia finally got to her phone just before it stopped ringing.

"Yeah Fin."

"Tell me you're watching the news" He said.

"No what's going on?"

"Sorry to do this but you better get dressed, Thomas Kirkland was just found by his housekeeper; penis cut off and...well I won't even tell you what the back looks like."

"Wait, you're not saying we have to investigate this case?" but he was silent "Fin!"

"What do you want me to say Liv?!"

"That fuck killed Amanda" she said, careful to keep her voice down so the kids wouldn't hear her. "He killed her and a we haven't been able to touch him. And now that the gods have decided to even things out just once, we're the ones in charge of bringing his killer to justice while Amanda is just out there somewhere? No!"

* * *

><p><em>"The body was found by his maid just this morning, no other details have been given..."<em>

"Hmmm. The FBI didn't need my help after all." Julia said then just as quickly ran to the bathroom to vomit.

* * *

><p>Olivia decided to come in anyway to see the great Thomas Kirkland brought to his knees. As she walked under the tape that sealed off the kitchen she was greeted by Fin.<p>

"Decided to come after all Lieutenant?"

"I'm leaving in a week, thought I'd at least come see the spectacle." She said putting on gloves. "What do we got?" She asked as Melinda drew back the sheet and she was immediately disgusted.

"Thomas Kirkland, male, white, 50. Maid found him. Raped anally, penis severed, and the body was exsanguinated"

"And what's with the stomach?" Olivia asked

"Oh you'll love this!" Fin said."

"Whoever killed him forced him to drink his blood as they drained it from his body. Melinda said.

"What?"

"Hence the extended stomach and the tube in his throat." Fin answered

"How long dead?" Olivia asked, feeling herself getting sick just looking at the trail of feces that hung from his gaping anus right down to the floor where a pile if it was gathered between his legs.

"About 7 hours. We'll know more once we get him open." Olivia stepped away when Fin pulled her over.

"You okay?"

"Umhmm" she said trying to keep the nausea at bay. "I did expect that he would be so..."

"I know. I been checkin around and there is nothing- and I mean nothing here that even begins to point us in the right direction except an ex wife and at this point I'd say we look more like suspects. She didn't do this."

"So we talk to the ex, if we get no leads, great. Either way, he'll be buried and maybe Amanda can rest knowing that this bastard got what was coming to him."

* * *

><p>"Bless me father for I have sinned" Nick told the priest as he sat within the confines of the confessional.<p>

"And what is your sin my child?"

"I told a lie that got a man killed...but it wasn't a good man. He was a man responsible for the disappearance and possibly the death of one of my closest friends and he was just gonna go free...I had to do something. I couldn't just let it be so I did what I had to do to get justice for Amanda...don't worry father, I didn't come here for penance cuz the truth is I'm not sorry. I just wanted to say it out loud because it makes it so much better!"

* * *

><p>And in the villa, Amanda lay in the infirmary, an IV hooked to her arm to give her fluids since she was so severely dehydrated as well as bandages to her wrists as well as having to have a catheter from her vagina that carried fluids from her. She was held for two days in the dungeon plus another day in her captor's room where she was raped for over 24 hours. When he would fuck her until he wore himself out, he would have toys used on her and start the process all over again until she was literally unable to move and was so swollen she cried and begged in her weak voice when he came near her; she would rather go back to the dungeon and be beaten and starved that to be touched sexually.<p>

Finally, after another ride on the sybian and a long final fuck from her captor. She was asked a question that had been asked every three hours and now as she lay on the floor, her wrists bleeding and a stream of blood pouring from between her thighs, she was asked again.

"What is your name?" He captor asked. He waited for her answer as she tried to speak, so thirsty and hungry and just worn out from being punished for the last 72 hours, the last 24 of which were worse than she could have imagined.

"S-seraphine" she uttered with cracked lips and barely being able to be heard. "My n-name is Seraphine" she answered and this made the man smile.

"And all it took was 3 days! Take her to the infirmary." He told his lackeys as she was lifted and removed from the room.

Now a day later and she was nourished enough to talk, the woman by her side chatting her up the second she opened her eyes.

"You gave us all quite a scare, Amanda!"

"My name is Seraphine" she said without missing a beat after a month of having it drilled into her.

"I'm sorry" the older companion apologized as Amanda looked away, not wanting the woman to see the pain she was in; every inch of her hurt. "It's okay you know..."

"What is?"

"That you're wishing to go home, that someone will find you"

"I have no home and the only thing I'm wishing for is that the doctor will come in here and up my morphine!" She said with attitude.

"I'll go get him for you!" The companion said and left. Outside she met with their captor and gave him the report. "She's accepted."

"Good, I would have hated to send her to Thailand." The man said and walked off having other business to attend to. Little did he know that Amanda was plotting to get away. She realised that she had no one to count on but herself and she would do what she had to had to do to get home to her family!

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**The end? **

**I realize that I left a lot of unanswered questions so I guess you'll just have to wait for the sequel! Reviews are love and thanks for reading.**

**PS should I change my name?**


End file.
